FOUR ELEMENTS COACHING

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THRIVING

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Asking for Help

What makes asking for help so difficult? Why does it take people so long to ask for help?

We’ll get to that in a moment but let me just say this.

Asking for help is Self Care – plain and simple.

When others ask you for help, you may or not be physically or emotionally able to help them. And we’ve already learned the value of saying No in that situation.

But often we are afraid to ask for help because the person or persons we are asking may say no. But when you think about it, is that a personalized response or just an admission that they do not have the capacity to help at that time?

A No only helps us to understand who cannot help at that time and guides us to another person.

Maybe asking for help seems like a weakness – an admission that we can’t do everything ourselves. But we can’t always, can we? Realistically, can we live our whole lives without the support or input or assistance from another human being?

According to Laurie Leinwand in a great blog post, you gain three things by asking for help:

  • You gain the ability to move forward.Rather than staying “stuck,” you know how to proceed. Can you remember a time you hesitated in reaching out? Chances are you felt a certain degree of stress associated with this. You weren’t being as productive as you wanted to be. You may have felt foolish in not being sure of your next step. Not believing you could ask for help might have fueled symptoms of anxiety. That is, until you asked for help and felt the relief of finding out what you needed to know.
  • You gain the opportunity to collaborate.If you’ve been tasked with something to do independently, it’s best to try to do it on your own. But if you’re stymied, seeking advice or assistance gives someone the opportunity to share with you. While not everyone is able to say “yes,” people are often honored by the request. It means you admired their expertise or abilities enough to inquire.
  • You gain the opportunity to learn.Pay attention to who is willing to help and what they are willing to do for you. Really listen to strategies being communicated to you, and take notes so you don’t have to ask the same questions twice.

When you need help, ask yourself:

  • What cues are you getting from others that they are willing to help?
  • Where are you stuck and in need of moving forward?
  • When have you helped someone else and been honored to do so? Are you willing to accept that someone else wants to have that same feeling?
  • Would asking for help create a way forward today?

Here’s a Ted Talk that I absolutely LOVE and helps to demonstrate all these things in a way I can’t explain without Ramona’s help. This story is everything I believe about human kindness, radical collaboration and the ability to move forward in extremely difficult situations. Enjoy.

Over the years, I have discovered the value of creating Retreat.

When I use this work with clients, sometimes they think creating retreat is impossible because it involves going away and planning a bunch of activities. But retreat is just about stepping back and creating some nurturing space and time for yourself. Retreat might be a couple of hours, a half-day or an entire week. 

I do believe that the words we hear often are the words we believe or that keep rattling around in our brain long enough that we take them in.

Words matter. Sometimes we speak to or about ourselves in ways that we would never speak to others.

Have you ever been the recipient of someone else’s kindness and been immediately uplifted? How about being the one delivering the RAK to someone else?

Kindness is something we all appreciate and sometimes we crave ways in which we can get out of our own heads and do something nice for others.

The act of delivering a kindness to someone spontaneously or anonymously – especially when we don’t know who will receive it – can be amazing.

My family sometimes laughs at me because I put together a bag of things whenever I am leaving home for the day, weekend or longer. I often over pack and take more things than I really need. When arriving to spend the day with my granddaughters, my son often teases me and asks, “how many bags did you bring today?” I often have a lunch bag, a work bag and a bag of things I wanted to have with me – a bag I call My Comfort Bag. 

We all have that unfinished project that needles at our thoughts whenever we think about it. Or that cluttered closet or bookcase we want to purge. These things that we have discussed in previous posts about tolerations or decluttering – maybe you couldn’t get to them yet and you need to schedule…

Accountability Day!!!

When was the last time you went to a museum? Or bought fresh flowers for your office or bedroom?

Today, we’re going to stimulate the senses by incorporating aesthetic pleasures. You can pick one of the easier prompts from the list and schedule another for the weekend.

Self care is health care, plain and simple. For those who are caregiving, basic personal health care is often ignored when facing all the things that need to be done for someone else. In fact, having a yearly check-up often gets put off during years of caregiving.

Or we just get busy and forget to refill a prescription, incorporate exercise or check blood sugar.

Knowing these numbers are in the normal range is important. If they are out of range, it’s important to incorporate changes in diet, exercise and medication as prescribed.

Yesterday, we talked about decluttering your physical spaces. Today, I want you to think about decluttering your mind through meditation.

Meditation is one of the best self care practices we can add to our day.  But for some reason, it is the one we most often fail to incorporate as a daily habit.

Decluttering takes consistent time and effort. It’s more of a self care activity than many people realize. Getting rid of clutter brings in space for things that will really serve you. However, I encourage you to be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge your feelings when you are sad about the connection you feel to a particular item.