FOUR ELEMENTS COACHING

Moving You From Surviving to
THRIVING

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The more you love yourself, the more energy you create. And the more energy you create, the less you tolerate!

Tolerations

One of the first lessons I learned when I began my coach training program was about tolerations – how we carry around this list of things that we need to attend to. And maybe we see evidence of these tolerations when we walk past, for instance, a wall that needs repainting, drive with a crack in our car windshield or receive a card from a friend or relative we haven’t seen or talked to in a while.

These tolerations subconsciously and consciously drain our energy, make us feel tense and sometimes even engage us in a conversation of self-blame and frustration. “Why can’t I just take the time to paint that floor?” Or “I will get to that soon or I will scream!!!” They block us from feeling good about what we have or bringing in new opportunities. If we have too much physical and mental clutter, we don’t have room to love ourselves and love the space we are in.

Don’t scream. But for today, start a list of tolerations. The first time I did this, there were over 100. I feel no shame in that. And I started busting them, one by one. And I learned not only to love the space I was in more, I felt better about myself and my ability to handle things. Removing tolerations increased my self-care, which also increased my self-love.

Now when the time comes, you can bust them in a few ways.

You can do it and cross it off (or schedule it in a way that commits you to a time frame).

You can pay someone else to do it

You can say, “I’m never going to do this” and give it away, throw it away, or begin accept it for what it is. Try to stop letting it bother you in whatever way you can make that happen.

Again, today, the goal is just to start a list. And if you’re feeling Feisty, you can bust a toleration and cross it off your list today. But don’t overwhelm yourself. And as you’re making the list, don’t freak out. Breathe and say – “Everything happens in the right time and for the right reason.”

Once they start coming off your list and they go away from your mind and sight, you’ll see your energy returning.

Now I am off to make my appointments with my Ophthalmologist and my Dentist.

 

(Need extra help? Find an accountability buddy who will hold you accountable to the time frame. Or if there’s more to this, ask me for a free exploratory coaching session and we will uncover what’s getting in the way.)

Sometimes we feel the heaviness of things that are happening around us. Or carrying tension in our neck and shoulders. We work at a desk and when things get hectic, we tense up without even realizing.

Self care is any act you incorporate in your moment or day or month or life that brings you joy, peace, well-being, healthy boundaries, a healthy body, a healthy sense of being – it’s anything you do for yourself, not for others or to make yourself better for someone else.

I’m going to be very transparent with you. We all have our quirks, right? So I’m going to be honest about one of mine.

When I am feeling really anxious or like things are out of control, I begin to hoard books. I do this in a couple of ways: I go to the library and check out two or three; I look at my own library of books and grab a few off the shelf, stacking them on my nightstand; or I pick up my tablet and start shopping for e-books and download a few.

But what it meant for me was getting my head in the game. Aligning my mind and my business goals with what I want to do, my vision, my why, my business philosophy. My values. Everything should be synced and pulling me forward.

My original hope of using these strategies to help clients was definitely realized. I use it when discussing team member roles, customer service, staying connected to mission, and creating a culture of empowered and respectful employees. These aren’t difficult lessons or strategies to implement – you can begin to put these ideas into practice while you are reading the book. And if you are working with a coach, it’s a way to marry the coaching and accountability piece with the tips and tactics you’re learning. I definitely introduce it to clients and invite them to bring the lessons into the coaching conversations.

When you’re self-employed, you’re responsible for all your bookkeeping, accounting and tax documentation. If you’re like me and it’s your least favorite thing to do, it often doesn’t get done.

I am NOT great at handling an email once. I’m working on it, but I will still open an email, read it, decide I need to take action on it and then leave it in my inbox for me to handle later. Later turns into tomorrow or someday and I end up with…too many emails, clogging up my inbox, that are dated and no longer relevant.

I do meditate – probably more frequently than a lot of people do. I just have this sense that I would be better off if I meditated every single day. And as much as I love meditation, it does feel difficult to keep up a daily practice. I try to remember how I created dedicated time for my morning pages ritual all those years ago. What makes me automatically get up, make the coffee, and begin journaling every single day of my life, but stops me from moving into a few moments of meditation right after? How can this be so difficult for me when it seems so simple?

Don’t beat yourself up over what self care looks like. Just make it look like whatever you can manage today. Even if that’s just taking a shower.