Category Archives: Self care

Summer of Self Care – Day 3

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The more you love yourself, the more energy you create. And the more energy you create, the less you tolerate!

Tolerations

One of the first lessons I learned when I began my coach training program was about tolerations – how we carry around this list of things that we need to attend to. And maybe we see evidence of these tolerations when we walk past, for instance, a wall that needs repainting, drive with a crack in our car windshield or receive a card from a friend or relative we haven’t seen or talked to in a while.

These tolerations subconsciously and consciously drain our energy, make us feel tense and sometimes even engage us in a conversation of self-blame and frustration. “Why can’t I just take the time to paint that floor?” Or “I will get to that soon or I will scream!!!” They block us from feeling good about what we have or bringing in new opportunities. If we have too much physical and mental clutter, we don’t have room to love ourselves and love the space we are in.

Don’t scream. But for today, start a list of tolerations. The first time I did this, there were over 100. I feel no shame in that. And I started busting them, one by one. And I learned not only to love the space I was in more, I felt better about myself and my ability to handle things. Removing tolerations increased my self-care, which also increased my self-love.

Now when the time comes, you can bust them in a few ways.

You can do it and cross it off (or schedule it in a way that commits you to a time frame).

You can pay someone else to do it

You can say, “I’m never going to do this” and give it away, throw it away, or begin accept it for what it is. Try to stop letting it bother you in whatever way you can make that happen.

Again, today, the goal is just to start a list. And if you’re feeling Feisty, you can bust a toleration and cross it off your list today. But don’t overwhelm yourself. And as you’re making the list, don’t freak out. Breathe and say – “Everything happens in the right time and for the right reason.”

Once they start coming off your list and they go away from your mind and sight, you’ll see your energy returning.

Now I am off to make my appointments with my Ophthalmologist and my Dentist.

 

(Need extra help? Find an accountability buddy who will hold you accountable to the time frame. Or if there’s more to this, ask me for a free exploratory coaching session and we will uncover what’s getting in the way.)

Summer of Self Care Day 2

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The Weight of the World:

Remember hearing the expression “carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders?

This idiom comes from Greek Mythology when Zeus got angry at the Olympians and picked Atlas to punish.

Zeus condemned Atlas to hold the heavens on his back. The purpose was to separate Earth and Heaven, which would prevent the two from mixing so much. But sometimes here on Earth, we mere mortals don’t strike a balance between work and home or kids and quiet time, right? That’s why we’re here today – to take a few minutes to let go of the weight of the world.

Sometimes we feel the heaviness of things that are happening around us. Or carrying tension in our neck and shoulders. We work at a desk and when things get hectic, we tense up without even realizing.

Tomorrow, we’re going to look at getting rid of some of those things that are weighing us down.

But for today, just now in this moment, what you can do is stretch your shoulders and move your neck. And you can do this every day or several times a day – whenever you feel yourself tense up.

Here’s a video from SarahBethYoga to get you started.

Summer of Self Care Day One

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I’ve said before that Julia Cameron’s Morning Pages (one of her tools from The Artist’s Way) have been so beneficial to me. The other day, while journaling, the idea of creating  a Summer of Self Care came to me out of the blue and I mentioned it on Facebook to see if it was something that resonates with my followers. Apparently, it does. So here we are! Day 1 of the Summer of Self Care! (Use #summerofselfcare2017 in sharing posts on social media, if you would please!)

I thought we’d start with defining self care and grounding this 30 days in something that is meaningful.

Self care is any act you incorporate in your moment or day or month or life that brings you joy, peace, well-being, healthy boundaries, a healthy body, a healthy sense of being – it’s anything you do for yourself, not for others or to make yourself better for someone else.

Acts of self care don’t have to be huge, but they can be life changing. For example, you may set a boundary with someone that creates a huge sense of peace in your life. You may read a book that changes your perspective on something. Or you may start a morning routine that makes you feel much more at peace with your day.

Whatever you choose to do, you don’t have to spend tons of time on self care, though you can do so if you’d like. Self care doesn’t have to be expensive, though I’m not judging if you decide to purchase a cruise because it falls under the “brings you joy” category. And self care doesn’t mean you’re being selfish or not caring for or about others. In fact, caregivers need an EXTRA measure of self care every single day.

When I hired my very first coach, I learned the value of self care very quickly. What it does for me is that it keeps me grounded in all aspects of my self – mind, body and spirit. And when I am grounded, I respond, rather than react. Self care practices keep me operating from a place of fullness rather than scarcity. When I feel cranky, angry, anxious, fearful or stressed to the max, I know it’s time to add some self care back into my daily routine.

So for your first prompt in the Summer of Self Care…..(drum roll…….here we go……)

Take out a piece of paper and a pen (or you might want to find a journal since you may be writing a lot this month).

Write down why you think you need to increase your daily self care habit.

Why do you think self care is important to you right now?

How do you hope to feel at the end of this month?

What do you want that you don’t have now?

And really take a moment to commit to this month of self care. Write down affirmations like, “I promise to take care of myself in some small way, every day, for AT LEAST the next 30 days.” “I am ALL IN for myself this month.” Whatever you need to say. If it’s a little prayer, write that down. If it’s a quote, write that down too. Whatever comes to your mind, journal it out.

Now breathe in. Breathe out. And acknowledge that you have just taken the first step in the care of the most important person you could take care of – YOU!!!

Because…

 

Today, you are you.

Get Your Ducks in a Row

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I started my business full time a little over a year ago after a national nonprofit I worked for went through a restructuring. I had just gotten an exemplary yearly evaluation and a lovely bonus. Suddenly, I was offered a severance package and transitional services. It was a shock and I struggled to process what had happened while figuring out what was next.

I decided to just take the leap and do this thing that I love – coach full time. A short while later,  my coach was helping me work through this new development.  Not surprisingly, I expressed I was having some fear, grief, anger – all the things you would expect to feel.

My brilliant coach said, “So what’s your first next step? What are you feeling like you need to do?”

I replied, “I need to get my ducks in a row.” We then talked about what that meant. It could have included “busyness” like website redo, new business cards, systems and processes to build my capacity to serve more clients, etc. etc. Really Busy Stuff. But honestly, what it meant for me was first getting my head in the game. Aligning my mind and my business goals with what I want to do, my vision, my why, my business philosophy. My values.  Everything should be synced and pulling me forward.

A few days later, I found this.

My row of ducks

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What’s weird about this little bit of pewter goodness is that in that moment, I truly didn’t remember EVER SEEING IT BEFORE. I just turned my head one day while journaling in my favorite chair and there it was, in the bookcase in front of some business books. Yes, that’s right. Business books.

I freaked out a little, I’m not going to lie. Where did this come from? How did it get here? It’s in front of my business books!!!

I began searching my brain and remembered where it came from. It belonged to my mother. Then I remembered even more – my sister gave it to her and it was especially meaningful  because mom had three girls. I probably found it in a large mass of boxes brought to my home after my mom died and decided hastily to pop it into the bookcase rather than donate or give it away. I have probably seen it hundreds of times but never really took it in.

In that moment, after I had declared to my coach that I needed to get my ducks in a row, it suddenly came into my view and I got it.

Magical.

Now, it became a symbol for what I needed to do.

Fast forward to now, just a few months past my one year, full-time business anniversary, I’ve been reflecting a lot on what I’ve accomplished, what I haven’t accomplished (I spend way too much time on that one) and what I‘ve learned.  Oh, the learning.

I was cleaning and decluttering my desk the other day and moved my laptop and found the little ducks again. There they were – there they always are – reminding me. A little talisman.

“Get your ducks in a row, Laurie.”

It’s an ongoing process, right? It isn’t ever really over. Sometimes my ducks walk out of line.

Like recently, when I made a decision about an opportunity that was so out of line that I almost instantly realized I needed to pull that duck back in. Every day that duck was out of line was a struggle for me.  I made an impulsive decision that wasn’t aligned with my overall vision. And I knew I needed to let it go.

You see, I have this list of things that I usually go by in order to decide if something is right for me. An opportunity has to tick all these boxes. This one didn’t really tick any of them.

So, I am letting go of the regret and blaming I was doing about taking this thing on in the first place. Because I have discovered that while this detour was all wrong for me, it has taught me a lot more about myself. And has led me to discover some pretty incredible opportunities I would maybe have ignored before. For whatever reason, it was meant to be, but not for very long. I veered off to the right and it took me just a short time to get back in line.  I remembered what it’s like to feel aligned. I found myself again. And when you find yourself again, it just makes you realize even more how important it is to be your complete self.

Thanks to my ducks.

So let me ask you – what’s on your list of boxes? What do you have to check in order to decide if an opportunity or relationship is right for you?

How does it feel to be connected to your complete self? How do you know when you are not in the place you need to be?

How is what you’re doing now aligning with what you want to be doing?

Is there something  that feels out of range – either out of control, out of alignment or out of your ability to accomplish?

What do you need to do in order to get your ducks in a row?

What have you learned from the things that weren’t right for you?

What’s next?

 

If you need some help, I am always available to help you get your ducks back in a row through a coaching session. Contact me if that’s something you need right now. 

 

I’ve never seen a rule book about meditation.

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This is Part One of a series of posts about decluttering your mind, your time and your stuff. If you have a topic about time ownership, organizing, mindfulness or whatever comes to mind, I’ll take a shot at covering it. Just comment below.

During the start of a year, I really like thinking of processes and systems that will help me organize my mind, my time and my stuff. My mind often feels more crowded than my planner or my office cabinets. I work with clients a lot around decluttering their minds. And my own coach helps me get rid of the thoughts that are crowding in or limiting me.

Whenever I am coached around mindfulness, I get that nagging thought that rears up it’s judgemental, tilted little head. “You know how important meditation is to success and well-being? Why aren’t you doing it every day, Laurie?”

I do meditate – probably more frequently than a lot of people do. I just have this sense that I would be better off if I meditated every single day. And as much as I love meditation, it does feel difficult to keep up a daily practice. I try to remember how I created dedicated time for my morning pages ritual all those years ago. What makes me automatically get up, make the coffee, and begin journaling every single day of my life, but stops me from moving into a few moments of meditation right after? How can this be so difficult for me when it seems so simple?

I think the answer is because I am making it so difficult. I complicate the idea of meditating with the notion that I have to do it in a particular way, or for a defined length of time. I believe I have to be alone, sitting comfortably, free of any distraction from my partner or my dogs. (Okay, maybe I do need to be away from Agnes, but…) I can’t meditate if my neighbor has workers sawing on something, right? Lots of dos and don’ts there.

And then my mind travels to, “It should be at LEAST 5 minutes. And you really should do yoga first.” I hate it when I should on myself.

The truth is, I could just take 60 seconds after I finish my morning pages and do some deep breathing. And that 60 seconds might expand into 5 minutes one day. And that 5 minutes might expand into 15 minutes plus yoga. Or it might not. Ever. It might just stay at 60 seconds. But isn’t that still meditation?

Meditation doesn’t have to include big, plushy floor pillows, an altar with incense or a chime that signals the start and end of the practice. I don’t have to go to Bali to begin or even get up off the couch I journal on each day. I’ve never seen a rule book about meditation. There might be one, I suppose. But I doubt it.

My meditation time just has to include two things:

1) Me
2) Meditation

I think I’ll start meditating right after I finish typing this post. Why wait till tomorrow morning?

 

 

Self Care and Showers

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I had a conversation with someone the other day about self care and it went something like this:

“Self care for me sometimes just means I get to take a shower. Or I show up only 20 minutes late to something instead of 45.”

I get it. People sometimes think I don’t get it because I frequently talk about my daily journaling ritual or morning yoga practice. While I do journal every day with very few exceptions, (more about that in tbis post) I don’t always get on the mat in the mornings. In fact, many mornings go by without any type of practice at all. And yes, there are days when taking a shower seems like a luxury given what I have going on. Or I fall onto the couch at 8pm, realizing I put off filling out a questionnaire before an early morning doctor’s appointment the following day. These days feel chaotic. Or I beat myself up for procrastinating. I can REALLY beat myself up for procrastinating. I sense that I am ashamed of my inability to get things done in a timely or chaos free manner.

I recommend that clients set aside an appointment time for self care just like the would for any other meeting. And honor it just like it was an appointment with a client, boss or colleague. But realistically, I know that’s not always possible. Especially during really busy seasons like the one we have just entered.

Self care isn’t always fresh flowers, massages, binge-watching Netflix time or a weekend getaway.

Self care isn’t always perfect. It is always whatever you need in the moment to get by, to prevent something or to listen to your body when it’s crying out to eat, drink a cup of hot tea or even just hydrate with plain water.

Self care can be just listening to a playlist while you work or drive to that appointment you’re running late for so your mood is lifted.

Self care can be prioritizing your list and taking things off of that list that just aren’t going to happen. And forgiving yourself immediately because it’s just going to have to be that way right now.

Self care is sometimes just the simple act of saying to your overwhelmed self, “I’m sorry it’s so chaotic right now. I promise as soon as I can breathe, I will go for a walk or take in a movie.” And then honor that promise.

Self care can be just taking 45 minutes to get your flu shot because if you don’t, you may get the flu and then have even LESS time on that to-do list as you recover. (And not freaking out if you thought it would only take 10. )

Self care just looks like taking a few breaths. Maybe setting a reminder to take a few breaths three times a day.

Or standing in the rain or raising your face to the sun – for just 5 minutes.

Don’t beat yourself up over what self care looks like. Just make it look like whatever you can manage today.  Even if that’s just taking a shower.

Beauty comes from standing in the rain.