Tag Archives: breaks

Self Care and Showers

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I had a conversation with someone the other day about self care and it went something like this:

“Self care for me sometimes just means I get to take a shower. Or I show up only 20 minutes late to something instead of 45.”

I get it. People sometimes think I don’t get it because I frequently talk about my daily journaling ritual or morning yoga practice. While I do journal every day with very few exceptions, (more about that in tbis post) I don’t always get on the mat in the mornings. In fact, many mornings go by without any type of practice at all. And yes, there are days when taking a shower seems like a luxury given what I have going on. Or I fall onto the couch at 8pm, realizing I put off filling out a questionnaire before an early morning doctor’s appointment the following day. These days feel chaotic. Or I beat myself up for procrastinating. I can REALLY beat myself up for procrastinating. I sense that I am ashamed of my inability to get things done in a timely or chaos free manner.

I recommend that clients set aside an appointment time for self care just like the would for any other meeting. And honor it just like it was an appointment with a client, boss or colleague. But realistically, I know that’s not always possible. Especially during really busy seasons like the one we have just entered.

Self care isn’t always fresh flowers, massages, binge-watching Netflix time or a weekend getaway.

Self care isn’t always perfect. It is always whatever you need in the moment to get by, to prevent something or to listen to your body when it’s crying out to eat, drink a cup of hot tea or even just hydrate with plain water.

Self care can be just listening to a playlist while you work or drive to that appointment you’re running late for so your mood is lifted.

Self care can be prioritizing your list and taking things off of that list that just aren’t going to happen. And forgiving yourself immediately because it’s just going to have to be that way right now.

Self care is sometimes just the simple act of saying to your overwhelmed self, “I’m sorry it’s so chaotic right now. I promise as soon as I can breathe, I will go for a walk or take in a movie.” And then honor that promise.

Self care can be just taking 45 minutes to get your flu shot because if you don’t, you may get the flu and then have even LESS time on that to-do list as you recover. (And not freaking out if you thought it would only take 10. )

Self care just looks like taking a few breaths. Maybe setting a reminder to take a few breaths three times a day.

Or standing in the rain or raising your face to the sun – for just 5 minutes.

Don’t beat yourself up over what self care looks like. Just make it look like whatever you can manage today.  Even if that’s just taking a shower.

Beauty comes from standing in the rain.

 

 

Fill yourself up before the orange, beeping light comes on.

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The best metaphors come out of coaching conversations. This is something I experience a LOT and it never ceases to amaze me.

So a couple of days ago, I was coaching someone on personal capacity issues, otherwise known as “how many to-dos are too many to-dos for one work day for me right now the way I am currently feeling?” I phrase it this way because the nebulous WORK LIFE BALANCE (said in a loud, echoey voice to add drama and proper reverence) changes every single day. You could get sick. Daylight Savings Time kicks in. Stuff happens. That’s why is shouldn’t be called balance at all. But that’s another subject to keep diving into another day.

The point I’m getting at today is how do you know how much is too much and how much is just enough, especially if you are transitioning into something new, experiencing a health issue, or just plain saying yes too many times? If personal capacity shifts sometimes just because it’s bound to shift?

My client was describing how she just bought a new car and her gauge tells her how many miles she should expect to be able to drive before she runs out of gas.  She suddenly cries, “I wish there was a gauge for my personal energy that would measure how many clients I can serve before I’m just worn out and unable to give anything else.”

Wouldn’t that make life so much easier? A way of measuring how many more tasks or clients or reports we can complete before we are energetically and physically spent? It would make planning our day, our month and our YEAR so much easier! We wouldn’t overschedule or take on more volunteer activities than we can handle. We would only say yes to what we absolutely know we can accomplish. We would delegate the rest or just easily say, “No. I’ll be on empty if I take that on. You’ll have to find someone else. Or wait till I am able to fill up again. I’ll get back to you next week.”

My personal awareness around this issue is that I actually TURN OFF the feature that tells me how many miles I have till empty in favor of the feature that tells me how many miles per gallon I am achieving. I ignore capacity in favor of a performance measurement.  I’m that girl that thinks an A- just isn’t good enough. The word productivity comes up in my daily self talk. A LOT.

But wait – it gets better. In my car, I have this gas gauge constantly in view that shows me in bars how much gas I currently have.  I can’t turn this one off. So 10 bars is full and 1 bar is almost empty, right? So I get in the car a lot, only to discover I have like 2 bars. My brain registers that I have 2 bars till empty and I make a mental note, “You must get gas soon.” But inevitably, I am driving along at some point hours or days later and I hear the familiar BEEP and I see the final bar is glowing orange. This means, “GET GAS NOW!!!” It’s almost gone! All of it! The anxious search begins for gas and I tell myself I won’t be able to get the most reasonable price now because I don’t have the option of shopping around. I’ve got to gas up now. Even though I took the time earlier to register that I was almost on empty, I pushed myself because I thought I had more time. I thought I’d get gas when it was the right place and the right price. I put off taking care of the inevitable.

Are you running on 3 bars? 7 bars? Or is your orange, beeping light already on? 

 

So not only do we face these capacity issues in life and in work all the time, we often ignore the signs and signals that we are running toward empty. We think we can do more, should do more, MUST do more. “I’ve pushed this before and survived. I’ll just carry on.”

We know that things like meditating for a few moments or taking a walk in the middle of the day would help our brains become more functional or help us think more creatively. But we end up working through lunch because there’s a deadline or we have to develop this one new thing before the day is through. Or maybe someone calls and says, “Hey can you take on this _______?” And we say, “Sure!” Not really stopping to consider how many bars we have till the orange light pops on and the anxiety begins. We run out of capacity because we push ourselves to the limit, more often than not.

So here’s a thought – what if you agreed to get gas as soon as you’re on 2 bars? Every time, no matter what? What if 2 bars was your personal orange, beeping light?

Or what if you just stopped to consider how you feel when you are metaphorically starting to run on empty? What are the signs for you?

For me, it looks like:

Anxiety
Rapid Heartbeat
Feeling of Overwhelm
Self talk phrases “Why do I always do this to myself? “Why do I always wait till the last minute? Why didn’t I say No!?!
Forgetfulness
Constant feeling of forgetfulness
Dread
Panic
Anger
Ache in the back of neck and shoulder area
Inability to focus or attend to things I normally do to relax
Distractionary tactics

There are probably others, but you get the picture, right? Sound all too familiar?

Filling up before you get to empty starts with recognizing what running on empty looks like. Deciding how many ______ = capacity starts with recognizing or remembering what too many looks like.  Your internal gauge is giving you a clear visual or emotional measurement – you just need to put it into view. Honor it.

It’s simple. Fill yourself up before the orange, beeping light comes on.

A Crumple and Cry Day

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Did you ever have one of those days that began with something going wrong? Let’s say it was a BIG bad thing.  Or maybe a medium bad thing and then maybe then something else happened and another thing happened and the next thing you know, you’re crying and you can’t seem to find the motivation to do anything?

Been there. Plenty of times.

I used to think it was my adult duty to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. That’s what I was told. Some days.

But I also was told that crying happens. It sometimes happens when you least expect it and for no apparent reason. Nothing has to go wrong to make you feel like crying. Bad days happen. Negativity takes control. Crying ensues. And often, once it starts, it feels like it won’t stop any time soon.

And crying is cathartic. It can be necessary.

Instead of trying to bury the emotions under a pile of things to do or people to see, I decided years ago that I just needed to surrender, on those days, and have what I call a Crumple and Cry Day. It allows me to grieve over all the injustices that have piled up against me, or those I love and care about, big or small. I just need to surrender to what I cannot control.

No, I don’t cry all day. At least not constantly. I may cry for a bit, stop, cry again, get quiet, cry on the yoga mat, watch tv, cry…etc. I find though that they key to a successful Crumple and Cry Day is just to clear my calendar and settle in for the day and let it unfold as it is meant to do. (Yes, sick days are allowed. If you’re heartsick, take a sick day.

Sinking my feet in the sand, listening to the waves crash on the beach, mimics my internal swell of tears while bringing me to a place of peace.

I don’t have to stay at home and cry. In fact, I often don a pair of sunglasses and cry as I walk the beach, or sit on the front porch. Don’t try to push it down any more, just let it all bubble up and see what you learn from it. You may be surprised at how many little things you’ve been holding on to. Or it may just be one BIG thing. And if that BIG thing comes up on more than one Crumple and Cry Day, it’s a signal that your work isn’t finished.

Crumple and Cry Day doesn’t have to be a whole day. It’s just as long or short as you need it to be.

What happens at the end of a Crumple and Cry Day? I’m tired. I have no more tears left for the time being. And I have generally opened up a space for me to take the next step. Having released all the built up sadness or anger, I can stand in a moment where that container is empty and I am ready to fill up another container with something good. Something possible. Something fresh and new.

If you’re in an overall healthy state of mental wellbeing, crying is a very cleansing, healing and refreshing experience. You might want to keep a notebook nearby as you move out of the sadness and into the peace and calm that follows. It really is almost like decluttering your physical spaces – once you surrender the stuff you’ve been holding on to, you open your heart and mind to what you need in that moment. So listen and be ready to write it down so you won’t forget.

I know some people worry that if they surrender and start to cry, they will never stop. And if you have more Crumple and Cry Days than days filled with possibility, I’m going to suggest you reach out to someone for help. See if that container needs to be washed by something more therapeutic than you can offer yourself.

Let me know what you think. And if you have a way of cleansing and releasing your stuff, tell us about it in the comments.

 

 

Just Five Minutes – Change it Up!

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Today’s Just Five Minutes is about changing up where you work.

We often get in a rut and think we have to work from the same space in the same office. But sometimes, changing up your space can stimulate your creativity and help you see things from a different perspective. In fact, changing your environment can inspire you to think of new ideas or fresh ways to tackle a project.

So take a few moments to look at this video, then pack a bag and go work somewhere else. Even just an hour or two will make a difference.

Just Five Minutes – Change it Up!

I’ll Keep On Making These New Mistakes

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Last week, I was watching Dancing with the Stars and heard this great song called Try Everything from the movie, Zootopia. I immediately recognized it as one of those songs I needed to add to my Morning Inspiration Playlist. (Do you have one of those? I highly recommend it!)

A couple of days later, I played it for my granddaughter, Kandyce, and told her I thought we’d be able to go see the movie this weekend. (We did and it was fantastic! I highly recommend that too.) I got the chance to see the song paired with the movie and it inspired me even more! You can watch the video just below and get a small sampling of what I’m talking about.

Try Everything Official Video Shakira

Watching Judy Hopps articulate her dream as a young person and then set out to make it come true was very inspiring. But what resonated with me the most about the lyrics is these two lines: “I’ll keep on making these new mistakes. I’ll keep on making them every day.”

As we launch or grow a business or nonprofit, we absolutely don’t know everything.  It’s one of the reasons many people NEVER even begin. Fear of making mistakes and failing can be truly paralyzing. A lot of business owners find that they aren’t willing to try everything or ANYTHING because it may mean they fall. The more things you try, the greater the risk.

Notice the song doesn’t say you’ll make the same mistakes. It says you’ll keep on making new mistakes. If you’re not making new mistakes, you may not ever get to where you want to be. You’ll hear crickets all day long if you don’t try something. You have to keep putting yourself out there, every day, to see what works and what doesn’t.

Sure, you’ll have bad days. You’ll make choices that could have turned out differently and led you to a different place. You’ll feel like things aren’t moving fast enough and want to give up. But you’ll keep learning! You’ll do it differently tomorrow and the next day, until you see that it’s working just the way you want it to.  Just like Judy, you’ll climb and fall, climb and fall. You’ll figure out how to do it differently and you’ll stop falling.

And perspective is important too. Don’t make a lot of important decisions when you’re having a bad day. Give yourself some time. You aren’t looking at things from the mountain on those days I call “crumple and cry days.”  You’re looking up from the ground or inside of the valley.

Just turn on a little music, dance it off and start again. Watch an inspiring movie or video. Call a friend to talk you off the ledge.

Try Everything.

Kandyce tries rock climbing

 

The Element of Fun

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You may have noticed – I hope you noticed – that we were offline for awhile.  A series of wonderful and not so wonderful things happened and we’re back in business, thanks to Aletha McManama and the folks at GoDaddy.  I lost a few posts and learned a lot about the process of blogging and preserving blogs as well as how Twitter can provide instant customer service response.

So here we go again with a do-over of sorts. A mulligan, if you’re into the game of Golf.  

During the stressful moments of the past few weeks, I discovered things were feeling a little rushed and humorless.  I wanted things to feel fun and frivolous instead of heavy and hard. The crazy busyness of the last two months has calmed enough for me to recognize that my connection to the work has been too worky.

So I decided to hire my 3 year old granddaughter Kandyce and my 3 year old Beagle, Charlotte as consultants in my business.  These are two girls who can really draw me into the fun and make me remember to stop taking things so seriously.

Since they started, we’ve incorporated a few additional practices into my business:

  • Playing with the Talking Tom Cat App on my iPhone.
  • Regular breaks to run around the house chasing each other make us more productive.
  • There are endless ways in which to laugh and giggle.
  • We use the Whisper-ma-Phone during meetings to mix things up a little.
  • Naps are a good way to dream up new ideas.
  • Singing at the top of your lungs makes you feel free.

Is the element of fun missing in your work process? Are there eager consultants all around you who can bring more fun or creativity into your business?

For me, bringing the element of laughter or lightness back into the mix can really free up creative energy and move me forward if I’m stuck in a rut. And spending time with the people who remind me that this is what it’s all about makes me happier about the work in general.

In between naps and fun breaks, I’ve been creating a new coaching group and meeting wonderful writers and creatives in person and in my own little corner of the virtual world. I hope you’ll join us the August 31st as we look at the Element of Creativity and begin a year-long journey of reawakening your creative spirit.  Make sure you’re on my mailing list so you can be included in the announcements. Or if you can’t wait, email me and I’ll tell you all about it.

 I’m off for a little giggle before bed!