Tag Archives: family

Self Care for the Holidays

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Today begins a series of blog posts about taking good care of yourself as you prepare for the holidays. And read all the way to the end to register for a free workshop on this topic!

Of all the times of the year, the holiday season can be one of the most busy and, therefore, stressful. We can take on a lot. We can have high expectations. We can encounter difficulties in relationships with others who are stressed and carrying high expectations.

One of the most joyful times of the year can often be fraught with sadness and disappointment.

Add in the fact that for some, the end of the year brings additional stresses at work as there can be more planning, more reporting, more covering for those who take time off and more.

So what can you do to prepare for the holiday season?

The first step is to be more mindful. If you are aware of what could get in the way or create more stress and overwhelm, you are more likely to respond to things rather than to react.

One of the ways I suggest becoming more mindful is to take a few moments to think about what you’d like your intention for the season to be.

Your intention is a statement or series of statements about how you’d like to feel while you are gathering with friends and family or engaging in holiday events. You can also incorporate how you would like others to feel in your intentions.

For example, you may want to feel joyful, relaxed and engaged with others. Perhaps you’d like your presence with your family to be felt as though you are connected to them, listening to them and enjoying your time with them. Maybe you’d like to be responsive to your needs and to the needs of others by giving and receiving love and joy.

Take a few moments to think about what your intention is this holiday season. At the end of 2017, what would you like to say about your holiday time?

Now, take a moment to cull your statement down to one main word. Maybe it’s Joy. Perhaps you want to feel Present. Or Connected. Write that word down on an index card or a piece of paper and put it somewhere you’ll see it every day. Maybe on your bathroom mirror or your refrigerator. Each time you see your intention, it will help you stay connected to it – to remember that this is the way you have decided you want to feel.

For extra help in this area, journal for a few moments each day and think of three ways in which you could realize that intention. Or at the end of each day, you may want to reflect back and think of ways in which you felt your word come to life that day and plan a few ways for the day ahead.

I’d love to hear what intentions you’ve created! Just comment on this blog post or on Facebook and let me know what you want this holiday season.

To help you with more self care tips for the holiday season, I’m hosting a free mini-workshop on Tuesday, November 14th at 8pm EST/7pm CST. This workshop will be delivered via conference call so you’ll need to register to get the call-in details.

You can register by emailing me at lauriejohnson@4elementscoaching.com with Register Me in the subject line.

Or go to our Contact Us page here on the website and put Self Care for the Holidays in the subject line and Register Me in the message.

Summer of Self Care – Day 28

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Self Care, Sickness, Stress and Change

When we are sick, stressed or in the middle of a great change, the need for self care often intensifies. Yet this is the very time we are seemingly unable to put our needs in front of the ever changing landscape unfolding in front of our eyes.

In particular, self care often changes greatly when we are sick, especially if we are also trying to juggle child care, work, other caregiving for family and more.

And when we’re knee deep in some sort of change or stressed to the max, it’s hard to remember to eat or take daily medications and/or vitamins, let alone make sure we are journaling, breathing, meditating or taking a daily walk.

Sometimes self care must be put on the back burner during these times when other priorities or concerns have intensified.  But don’t give it up all together.

Here are some things to consider:

  • Right now, what do I absolutely need the most to stay centered and grounded in my own self care?
  • What do I KNOW works for me as a quick, uplifting self care practice? (For me, it’s as simple as listening to music and I can find music almost anywhere.)
  • Who can I turn to for help and support?
  • What can I control at this moment? This helps you stay present and feel less anxious. Easier self care activities like deep breathing, stretching and walking are a small activity that you can control and practice quickly.
  • What can I plan to do for myself when this situation/crisis/illness is over?
  • Where am I holding tension? How can I release it?
  • Draft a quick emergency self care plan – think about what you need the most and can do easily.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When we are sick, we are often tempted to think about all the things that aren’t getting done and piling up on the list. This adds to our stress and anxiety and makes us feel like giving up. Here are some things you could add to your emergency self care plan –

  • Asking for help is a simple act of self care. Find a caregiver or someone who can help with work, child/parent care, etc. just for a little while.
  • If you’re sleeping through medication times, set a timer in your phone or other device to remind you.
  • Listen to music or watch funny movies or sitcoms.
  • Read peaceful or favorite books.
  • Meditate.
  • Make a cup of tea as often as you need one.
  • Read back over these self care posts and think of what you CAN do while you are on Pause

Remember – self care is an act of love and kindness and is especially during times when you are sick or in some type of chaotic change. Even good change can throw your routine into a place that doesn’t feel like it has room for self care. Make room for whatever you can, when you can. Self care will ebb and flow – just don’t let it recede completely.

Demons Bearing Gifts

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In his book, Crisis Points: Working Through Personal Problems, author Julian Sleigh introduced me to the idea of demons who show up in our lives making us “shrink in fear and revulsion.” Yet they bear gifts hidden under their wings. “If we challenge them and make them yield up their gifts,” he says, “they will be satisfied and will fly away, leaving us to benefit from what they brought.”

If this is true, I met many demons last year and it took me awhile to make them show me the gifts. You may be wondering where I’ve been since last February. And, perhaps my biggest fear is that you are not. Maybe my posts and newsletters and calls were forgotten in the bustle of your own demons, triumphs and joys. And that’s as it should be, really. My demons belong to me – and yours to you. And for much of 2012, I couldn’t coach you or help you to share your fears because my own demons were circling like vultures, it seemed.

Last year began rather unexpectedly and dramatically for me and my family. My youngest daughter was hit by a young driver, resulting in a severe break at the ankle and the total loss of her car and her job. Months of surgeries and pain followed, and I worried about every aspect of her recovery. Simultaneously, another demon brought me the realization that my mother’s dementia and failing health would require an almost immediate move to assisted living. I worried that the house wouldn’t sell and that we wouldn’t be able to afford the right place. Later that summer, my oldest daughter broke her wrist – yet another surgery ensued! Federal funding cuts affected nonprofits that I serve daily. I slipped into a routine of reacting, fretting, doubting myself and fearing – oh the fearing!. By July, being on hyper alert to all of these issues began to take a toll on my physical and emotional health. It took me a few months, but by the end of the year, I came up and out of the darkness and demanded that all these demons yield their gifts to me. And there they were…

I was able to work when I could, as I could, without losing my income or the career that is so meaningful to me. My children recovered and found their own gifts in the pain and suffering. My mother adjusted to the move and I found that I enjoyed having her so close and can accept what her brain can offer at this stage of her life. I realized that if I ignore the emotional work that needs to be done and hope that it all goes away, it won’t. I read a lot of books and watched a lot of movies, but when they each ended, the problems were still there. If I try to continually live with reacting rather than responding, I eventually break down and need to nurture myself and heal. I’m not an adrenaline junkie anymore. Maybe it’s my age or maybe it’s just that I’m tired of it.

But when I do demand the gifts, I am surprised by joy and I see grace. I see those friends who loved me through the times I retreated to my room, forgetting to call or send a birthday card. I am loved by those family members who believe that what I could do in those moments was enough. My colleagues, clients, and teammates acknowledge my journey and wait for me to come back to myself. I forgive myself for not ‘achieving my goals’ or ‘committing to success.’ I just let it all go and reach for what is beautiful and comforting.

So this year, so far, the demons have been mostly at bay. For now. I am back to myself and back to work that I love in a way that pleases and delights me. I remember why I love coaching so much and have reconnected with old clients and welcomed new ones. There are still issues – some loom large on the horizon. But there is more good in my life than I can number.

This year will be filled with peace. How do I know? Because even when the demons swoop in, I know that they are carrying something that I desperately need. And only I have the ability to ask them to surrender it.

Surrender. Sounds like a beautiful state of being, doesn’t it?