Tag Archives: gratitude

Remember Your Worth

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As you know if you’re a regular reader of this blog, I practice morning pages each day. Three pages of long-hand journaling in a notebook, pouring out ideas, fears, criticisms, to-dos and just a general brain dump on many days.

Each day though, I purposefully end the morning pages with two things – an intention for the day and a list of things I am grateful for. Sometimes the intention is created out of necessity. I may be working on a project I’ve been putting off, so my intention is Diligence. Or, I am anxious about something so my intention becomes Peace. I design intentions to fit what I need in that moment or that day.

But sometimes, I am delighted to summon my intention from deep within. I have nothing top of mind and I allow my authentic self to create the intention based on that intuitive knowing of exactly what I need.

Today, my intention was just that. It came to me before I even asked or considered what it might be. And it was

REMEMBER YOUR WORTH 

When it came to my mind, I realized it was exactly what I need today. Maybe for a few days, as a matter of fact.

I’ve been preparing to facilitate a training I’ve never done before. At the same time, I am struggling with a project that isn’t coming together as easily as I’d hoped and believed it would. My doubts about myself cloud my mind and thoughts that aren’t particularly kind swirl in and out of my consciousness. I feel inner turmoil, criticism, anxiety, sadness and above all, self-doubt.

Someone very close to me has reminded me frequently that I am a great trainer. That I am very powerful when I am ‘in my element.’ And I do get energy from training and facilitating a growth mindset for clients. In other words, she’s been telling me to Remember My Worth.

And now, my essential self is telling me too.

It’s time to pay attention and remember all those times I HAVE succeeded in facilitating a training I’ve never done before. And I HAVE pulled off a project at the last minute – time and time again. I have all the tools and resources I need to be successful. I have a strong WHY for all of the things I am currently doing – and the why is bigger than me. It touches so many others and creates a ripple effect as it all launches and flows into the lives of others, many lives that are unknown to me. And that makes me very happy.

So what comes up for you when you see those words

What is it about you that is worth more than you realize? What do others tell you that you often can’t integrate into your own belief and possibility?

Reach back today and think about the times in your life that you have succeeded time and time again at something. Especially if that something still causes you to doubt yourself or feel anxious about what you are longing to do.

When you feel the weight of something, remember your worth.

When you question whether you can do something, remember your worth.

When you feel hopeless, remember your worth.

It’s there. It runs in your subconscious.

You just have to call it and let it stay, like a faithful friend.

The Possibilities are…Infinite

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A few months ago, I was sitting on the couch in my library, writing email copy or a blog post. I saw a notification of an email from Mike Dooley, “the Universe guy,” about a training in New Orleans.

Now, I’ve been a fan of Mike Dooley’s for a very long time. I’ve subscribed to his Notes From The Universe for probably ten years. I give away the small book versions as gifts quite often. I even had an opportunity to see him speak live once and it was an amazing experience.

I clicked to read the email and I did something I almost never do. I decided within moments to submit a registration for this event.

I didn’t think about it much or try to talk myself out of it or into it. I felt the excitement grow as I read through the description and then automatically started typing and CLICK!  I knew it was meant for me, right here in the area near where I live – right now as I am shaping this business into exactly what I want it to be.

As the days approached for me to leave, I did start to think, “Wow. What if this isn’t all you want it to be? What made you just say yes so fast? You didn’t even really think this through!!” I started to worry about parking, whether to uber back and forth, what to wear. What if I became anxious and introverted Laurie resisted interacting with others?

What happened when I got there was an instant knowing that I was in the right place for the right reasons with the right people. I signed in and then headed out for a quick dinner. Someone walked into the restaurant and I saw her name badge. “Would you like to join me?” I asked. She did and she was amazing. A yoga teacher from California named Frances, like my mother.

And then it began. This wasn’t a training based on his material and created/delivered by someone else. This was a hands-on experience led by Mike Dooley himself. There were previously certified trainers who genuinely showed up just to inspire us and cheer us on.  They played the same music I play on my morning playlist. They laughed and danced and cheered and motivated and shared deeply personal stories of their own journey to creating the life they want to live. It was joyful.

I realized that these are my people. I was in a large meeting room surrounded by people I’d never met who were suddenly not strangers at all. They were instantly a part of my tribe.

There was a ton of information and resources to replicate this training here in person, online or on a retreat. Because like-minded lovely people filled my space, I felt loved and accepted and enough. (Because if you’re like me, you’ve probably been to a training or two where this is NOT how you feel at the end of the day.)

So day two, Frances says “Hey! What if we did a retreat together on Mykonos Island? Or Maui? We can combine it with yoga and mindfulness practice!” Yes! Absolutely Yes!

The possibilities seemed….well….Infinite.

Which isn’t surprising since the training is based on his best-selling book, Infinite Possibilities: The Art of Living Your Dreams.

So stay tuned, my faithful adventurers. We’re going to do great things together. And we might just be doing them while enjoying a stunning view.

The  Gratitude Jar for The Relationship (with ourselves and with others)

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A few months ago, a student mentioned to me that she was very excited about New Year’s Eve. I asked what special plans they had for the evening and she said it was very simple and low-key. “Each year, we put memories, thoughts or gratitudes into a big jar whenever we feel led to write them down, and we open it and read them on the last day of the year. We reflect on what went well and what we did together.”

This practice stayed in the back of my mind. Then the inviteCHANGE monthly webinar for January was on Incorporating Gratitude. When I hear something more than once, it’s time to pay attention to the lesson.

I’m pretty connected to gratitude as a daily practice, though it’s mostly in the form of gratitude journaling in my morning pages as well as noting the best parts of our day in a conversation that’s usually held during dinner time. But that can sometimes feel very routine.

Fast forward to my work with a relationship client and I mention that it might be helpful to start a Gratitude Jar. But, I suggest they not wait till the end of the year to take a look at it.

Several people in my life have begun this practice of capturing happy thoughts, memories, stories, etc. in a nearby jar. My daughter was gifted a Happy Memories jar by one of her co-workers. I immediately took advantage of her gift and stuck a note inside for her as well. She just takes one out when she feels like she needs or wants to read one the most.

So when I began writing this blog post, I really intended it to focus on how gratitude can improve our relationships with others. But frankly, beyond that, it really changes our own relationship with self – with awareness of what’s going well, which in turn leads us to moving into patterns that help us do well.

We can spend a lot of time complaining about what isn’t right or what doesn’t work. We can see examples of this in our own conversations with others, with social media conversations, in newspapers and on television.

Statements of gratitude help us to see that the world is a good place. That good things really do happen. We then, in turn, learn to see the good things more often, or at least AS often, as the not so good things.

It also helps us to remember what we are doing well, rather than always seeing those parts of us that we are most often critical about. We speak to self in ways we would never speak to friends or family. What if you picked one thing about your body, mind, spirit or character that you are grateful for every day? What if you noticed when you were kind to others or when you fulfilled a promise to do something for yourself? What if you said, “I am grateful for my work ethic – I showed up to work today even though I wanted to stay in bed and read a good book.”

Is it time for you to start a practice of self or relationship gratitude? Or if you already have a practice, is it time to add another component to it?

I’m looking for a pretty jar that can contain all the gratitude and happiness I can find. I’ll let you know when I find the perfect jar. But for now, I can start writing my gratitude on a tiny slip of paper right now.

Summer of Self Care – Day 25

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The Power of Your Words  

“It just seems impossible.” I said to my daughter recently when talking about the setbacks we’re experiencing as we navigate this DIY home improvement project. “You can do it!” she replied. “Don’t say it’s impossible!”

She’s right and I know she’s right because she learned that words have power from a few very smart people.

One of them is – Me.

I do believe that the words we hear often are the words we believe or that keep rattling around in our brain long enough that we take them in.

Years ago, I learned about an experiment involving words and water while watching a movie called What The Bleep Do We Know? I had already been studying a lot about the effect of my words on my feelings and beliefs. The work of Dr. Masaru Emoto boggled my mind. Here’s a summary of his findings when he combined water and words.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masaru_Emoto

Whether you believe in his experiment or believe the critics that say it’s ridiculous really doesn’t matter. For me, after learning about this experiment, I decided on one small way to incorporate it into my own life. And I still have a water bottle with the words “infinite gratitude” and “infinite love” written on the side. Even if those words don’t change the water, they remind me to change my thoughts and words every time I take a sip.

I also began long ago to think about the words that come into my brain and/or out of my mouth. Sounds simple, right? It’s simple, but not always easy. A lot of words come into my awareness every day. I hear them spoken by others as well on the television or in conversations online and in real life. So no, I can’t always hear, think or say loving, wonderful and kind things to and about myself or to and about others. It’s a constant process for me. And it’s harder when my stress level is high. But I still believe in the importance of choosing my thoughts and words carefully and I have experienced many times when words influenced my mood, my behaviors and my experiences with others. And I listen to my daughter and others when they remind me that my words aren’t kind or affirming – I appreciate the reminders very much. I try to remind others gently as well.

Words matter. Sometimes we speak to or about ourselves in ways that we would never speak to others.

Think about this Meme for just a second.

Be Beautiful

 

Today’s self care prompt is to create affirming words or thoughts that are kind and loving – that maybe you can repeat today and every day.

One of my favorite calming affirmations is from Louise Hay.

“All is well. Everything is working for my highest good. Out of this situation only good will come. And I am safe.” It’s written on a dry-erase board in my office. I use it during my morning yoga practice so I will begin my day saying and thinking those thoughts.

Take a few moments to think about these questions:

What words matter to you today?

What words would move you forward to where you want to be?

What words make you feel and look beautiful?

What words would make you feel loved and cared for?

What loving words do you say often to others that you could be saying to yourself?

Summer of Self Care – Day 12

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Sorry, Not sorry.

Sorry pattern

How often do we say we’re sorry for things we’ve done that don’t require a sorry response? Has guilt become an automatic state of feeling for us?

We often say “Sorry” automatically without even thinking about it. “I’m sorry you’re sick.” “I’m sorry you didn’t get the job.”

Neither of these things can be controlled by us, yet we often hear or give a ‘sorry pattern’ response.

 

Here’s another list of Sorry Statements I’ve heard lately:

“Sorry I’m wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Should I wear something more dressy?”

“Sorry, I’m just a moody mess today.”

“Sorry to bother you.”

How often do you hear  the word sorry as a response to an everyday, somewhat inconsequential thing? And are you able to change anything by being sorry for these types of circumstances?

If you realize that you’re just saying an automatic sorry, think about what it does to your self-care. It makes you feel like you did something wrong. Like you’re less than able in some way. Like you are guilty of something. It can make you feel discouraged and sad. Likewise, it doesn’t do a lot for the receiver either. They might just hear a bit of an automated response. And you probably feel like that’s what you’re delivering.

‘I’m sorry you didn’t get the job’ probably doesn’t make them feel as good as, “I know what an incredible employee you are – if there’s something I can do to make you feel better today, what would that be?” That’s an action you can take – being sorry is a passive response that doesn’t really help either of you.

So before saying you’re sorry, ask yourself these questions:

  • Have I really done anything to feel sorry about? (If yes, go to whether you can rectify it, and if so, how.)
  • Am I responsible for this? Why might I feel responsible for this?
  • Is this a “sorry pattern” response in my life? (If yes, what do I need to do in order to break this pattern?”
  • Do I really want to keep feeling guilty about this? How can I let this go once and for all?
  • How can I turn a an automatic sorry into an empowering statement or an offer of support or assistance?

What if your “I’m sorry” began with “Thank you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As the creator of this Meme and the idea expressed here suggests, shifting the content of the response can shift the way you feel about yourself and puts the receiver in a space of recognizing your gratitude. Or, as in the above example your support.

To me, this is a self-care win-win.

So, if I normally say, “Sorry for being such a moody mess today,” I could say “Thanks so much for standing in this uncomfortable space with me today. I appreciate your unconditional support, especially when I am having an off day.”

“Sorry to bother you” could become, “Thank you so much for supporting me! You’re always so helpful when I need an answer or solution and I have something I’d like to run by you.”

“Sorry I’m wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Should I wear something more dressy?” might sound like, “You know, I was feeling pretty casual today, but if you think I should dress up a bit more, I would appreciate your honesty before we get to the event. I know I can count on you to be totally honest with me.”

“Sorry you’re sick” could turn in to “It sounds like you’re in need of something comforting or healing. Is there anything I can do for you?  (but only offer something if you’re willing. Sometimes I think we use the word “sorry” as a way of being supportive, but we have no time or intention of doing anything. Only offer support if you can follow through – remember Day 4 – let’s not overcommit! It could also be expressed as, “It looks like you are really feeling lousy. Take good care of yourself!” Most of the time, people just want to be heard and acknowledged.

If you’re feeling like the word sorry is playing a bigger role in your life than it could be, try editing it out and replacing it with gratitude or support. As we’ve already learned, gratitude can change your life and it can transform the lives of those around you when they see you practicing extreme gratitude in every way.

Summer of Self Care – Day 11

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The Power of Gratitude

Gratitude can change your life.

No kidding. A daily practice of writing down even three things you are grateful for will significantly change your life in many ways. In fact, research shows that people who regularly practice gratitude by taking time to notice and reflect upon the things they’re thankful for experience more positive emotions, feel less anxiety, respond to stress more calmly, sleep better, are more compassionate and even have stronger immune systems.

That translates to better self-care, right? It’s one of the most simple yet highly effective self-care practices.

And not only will it change your life, it changes the lives of those around you. Because just think about what would happen in your home or your office if you were sleeping better, feeling better and treating others more compassionately? And, expressing your gratitude to them and for them, helping them to create their own gratitude practice.  It has a positive, cumulative effect on everyone you spend time with.

There are a couple of easy ways to incorporate gratitude in your life each day.

  • Gratitude journaling – taking a few moments at the start or end of each day to write down 3-5 things you are grateful for.
  • A round-robin gratitude statement while making or eating dinner.
  • Reflecting on or talking about the best things that happened during the day when you get home from work or school.
  • Writing down one thing you are grateful for in a note, text or on a chalkboard where you and/or someone special in your life can see it every day.

Ready to begin or re-start a regular gratitude practice?

Figure out the best way for you to express your gratitude and begin right now as you are reading this. If you think you’ll have trouble remembering to practice gratitude statements daily, set yourself a little alarm or create a calendar event with reminder in your smart phone. Or tie it to something you do regularly every single day, like brushing your teeth or making coffee. Commit to 30 days of expressing gratitude daily and then reflect on the changes.

If you’re willing, take a few moments to come back to the blog or Facebook post and comment how this experience felt to you. Or if you’re a regular practitioner, just leave a comment about how gratitude has changed your life or the lives of those around you.

Today, I am particularly grateful for all of you who have messaged me, shared, commented, texted and otherwise expressed your happiness with these #SummerofSelfCare2017 posts. It means so much that it’s helping you. And I’m grateful to the coach who first introduced me to self care many years ago – Cheryl Richardson. Her book The Art of Extreme Self-Care is amazing and beautiful to look at too.

There are lots of ways to express gratitude.

Summer of Self Care – Day 10

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Ten Daily Habits 

On day one, I shared my belief that when we’re in crisis or depleted of energy from our “busyness”, we tend to be reactive rather than responsive. When we create personal energetic reserves, they help us feel as though we are connected to a place of balance and control. And creating personal energetic reserves is the best way to practice self care.

Your daily habits can be whatever you want them to be and you don’t absolutely have to do each one every day. In fact, at first, it may be hard to fit them all in. And these habits don’t have to be time consuming. On my current list, there are three things I can do in the space of 20 minutes that help me to ensure that my day starts off in a way that is optimum for me.  For example, you might decide you need daily exercise, some motivation from a favorite podcast and adequate amounts of water during the day. Three habits can be accomplished all at one time if you bring your phone, earbuds and a water bottle on a morning walk.

Here’s a list of my 10 daily habits:

1)   Morning pages/gratitude journaling.

2)   Yoga practice.

3)   Decide what three things would make today really great.

4)   Read something.

5)   Meditation or quiet time.

6)   Karma notes, texts or calls – something nice sent to someone else.

7)   Drink water

8)   Declutter – spaces, thoughts or inbox.

9)  Create at least one new thing (I might draw, paint or write. Just one little creative thing daily keeps me happy.)

10) Name the best thing that happened during the day.

Get the idea? I keep my list of 10 Daily Habits taped on one of the cabinets next to my desk so that I am constantly checking in to them, refining and refreshing the list as needed. When you first start, it helps to keep them handy and nearby.

Ready to create your 10 daily habits? Here’s a Ten Daily Habits Template to help you get started!

Forever Changed

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Five years ago today, I lost almost everything I owned in a perfect storm named Katrina.  While we drove farther away from the Mississippi Gulf Coast, flood waters moved into our home and carried our refrigerator into the living room.  Hundreds of books became a pile of unreadable mush. We stood in stunned silence in a Florida motel room packed with our girls, four dogs, a hairless rat, two gerbils and boxes of what we thought was important enough to take with us, watching the destruction on the television.  And when we returned, we slipped into an instant shock as we saw cars smashed up against buildings, slab after slab lined along the beaches and the most intimate belongings strewn along tree branches or melded into fences.  At one point, the pile of debris in the front of our yard was taller than the roof of our house. We wondered if we would ever feel better.  Coming together on streets that looked like a battlefield, we asked our friends and acquaintances if they knew who survived and who didn’t.  Helicopters overhead reinforced the feeling that we were in a third-world country.  I questioned whether we should live in a place where something like this is possible. Our children grieved over the loss of memorabilia that spanned their short lifetimes. We cried over the things we didn’t consider important enough to stuff into the cars. We longed for walls, a television, a home cooked meal in a ‘normal kitchen,’ a FEMA trailer and a bed to sleep in.  And we were terrified that we wouldn’t have the means to rebuild and carry on.

We couldn’t think ahead much past the next week or maybe, if we stretched it, the next month. Living in the present wasn’t something we struggled to perfect – it became default mode as we didn’t want to relive the trauma of the recent past and we couldn’t quite grasp the concept of a normal future.

Let me tell you about the volunteers.  I still can’t fathom how people put their lives, careers and school years on hold to come and muck out house after house.  People came to us from all across the nation and cried with us as we took stock of what we lost.  We felt their love and they felt our losses as they were confronted day after day with the aftermath of the trauma.  You would think they would want to run away and stay in their own comfortable homes with their healthy, happy families.  But they stayed, or returned again and again.  Americorps volunteers, students from Queens University and many other colleges, church members from every denomination – they all rushed in to help us when we couldn’t help ourselves.

Now, I sit in my living room, typing on a laptop and watching the Emmys in High Definition.  The air conditioner hums softly in the background and I have electricity in every room of my house at the same time without having to prioritize appliances into a small number of working outlets.  I just returned home from a celebration in the little town of Bay St. Louis where countless friends and community leaders came together to remember those who lost their lives and to take stock of how far we’ve come.  Businesses still struggle to stay open another week.  The oil spill has us all feeling more than a little beleaguered.  And we might always hold our breath through most of July through September, hoping this doesn’t happen again.

Let me tell you about what I gained from Katrina.  I know how to hang and finish drywall now which I suppose sets me apart from many of my peers.  My neighbors and I now know each other by name and we still do little things for each other to make life easier.  Almost all of my possessions are new and my house is more open and comfortable, yet I’m very detached from all things material and mundane.  I found coaching which I believe is my divine, soul purpose.  Gratitude has become a daily practice and my spiritual life is deeper and richer than ever before.  Words like content, delighted and peaceful are used to describe how I feel on a daily basis.  And I have this inner silent knowing of the soul that is unshakeable.

I hope my family and I never have to go through this again. But I know we can survive the unimaginable. As strange as this sounds, I’m grateful for Hurricane Katrina. From much destruction came an incredible rebirth. Five years later, I can tell you – I am forever changed.