Tag Archives: limiting beliefs

My One Little Word

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This is the second year I have chosen a word to guide me throughout the year. I first heard about this from my scrapbooking friends – One Little Word is a class taught by Ali Edwards, who is kind of a big deal in those circles. While I haven’t taken the class, I like the idea of creating a personal ‘word’ and reflecting back on it all year.

So this year, I hadn’t yet settled on a word when my world was rocked. On January 8th, my part-time position with a national nonprofit was suddenly eliminated. We had gone through a restructuring the year before, and I was still hanging in. So admittedly, I was surprised when my grip was loosened. Stunned. Felt the floor shifting under my feet. It was a great job and I thought I would be with that company until I retired. Surprise! Not so. Nope. Not today.

When I regained my footing and got some clarity, I created my one little word for 2016. It is:

 

BRAVE

 

I realized I was going to have to make sure this business of mine brought in a full time income, rather than a part-time one. It mattered now whether I had clients who stayed with me, new clients to replace the old and tax money put aside all along the way rather than at the end of the year. My fears and anxieties would have to be pushed aside or dealt with in order to do my best at this and be successful.

What fears do I have? Oh there are a lot of them. I would tell you about all of them, but that would give them voice and I try not to let them talk a lot. It’s easier that way. But here’s an example.

A lot of people who know me know that I am an introvert by nature. Yes, I can act as if I am an extrovert, but at my core, being alone and coaching people one-to one energizes and delights me. Networking? I don’t Prefer it. But I learned long ago to tolerate it. Some days, I even embrace it.

Let’s just say, I chose this word and then what happened?

  • Embrace networking? Enter new clients who bring me weekly opportunities to network with people I’ve never met.
  • Create an LLC rather than a sole proprietorship? Enter an opportunity to learn a lot of information that confuses and frustrates me, but keeps moving forward, step by step. And allows me to work with and learn from people I genuinely love.
  • Expand into a new market? Enter the opportunity to drive into New Orleans and Mobile to attend meetings and meet with referral partners.

These are the ways I have to continually get into the framework and action around my one little word.

What I’ve noticed is that once I set my intention around this word, all sorts of opportunities have shown up for me to prove that I’m committed. Beyond opportunities, the word shows up in articles, conversations, songs and just everywhere I look. There are two songs that have been in my iTunes playlist for years– one is Brave by Sara Bareilles and another is the song Learn me Right from the original soundtrack of the movie Brave. (This one is really special to me because it was gifted to me by a client who thought it described what she got out of coaching with me.) When I shuffle my songs, both of these songs ALWAYS come up. And let me tell you, I have a large iTunes library. So the odds are like 2 in 4589. And they didn’t used to show up quite so much as they do now.

Today, I was actually inspired to write this post about my one little word because I was reading a book by Thomas Leonard, considered by many to be the father of coaching. He wrote this book called The Portable Coach to help people be more attractive and create a strong personal foundation using these 28 strategies he thought were critical to practice. I decided to take a look at this book again since I hadn’t read it in many years. Strategy number one already reminded me of how brilliant he really was, but this quote really got me. It’s on the Very First Page!  Seriously. I can’t make this up. So here it is – get ready:

“Because fortune really does favor the brave, and the brave are guided by their own lights.”

 

Bam. 

 

2016 One Little Word

I always create a little Project Life card for my scrapbook to remember my One Little Word for the year.

When it’s time to change your story

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A conversation with someone I’ve known for a long time reminded me of a challenge so many of us face.  We have a story we believe and continuously tell about ourselves, even if only in an internal dialogue. That story begins when we are born and what we are told, what we experience and what we want all comes together in a narrative we play subconsciously and often recite to others.

When I was a child, a woman who went to our church looked down at me one day and said, “Don’t worry sweetie, some day you’ll grow up to be a pretty girl.” Wow, right??! Basically, I heard, “You’re pretty ugly right now and hopefully you’ll grow up and be pretty.” What I internalized for YEARS was that I wasn’t pretty yet.

My friend relayed to me that her father said she wouldn’t ever amount to anything. She translated that to mean she would never be successful. It’s a limiting belief she lives with and probably thinks about often. When she searches her brain for memories, she finds experiences that reinforce her story that she will always be nothing much to talk about. Then she relays the story to me and probably to others.

A professor gave me a nugget of information once that changed my life. He said the thing is, our brain believes what we tell it to believe. If you tell yourself you are worthless, you’ll constantly feel worthless. If you keep repeating a successful story, you’ll begin to feel successful. Even if you had a bad experience in your life, you can stop feeding your brain with the same memory, dialogue or belief. You have the opportunity and all the skills you need to tell a new story.

So how do you tell a new and better story about yourself?  You have to create a new story or belief about yourself. And you have to tell it a lot – a lot more than the slightly or completely negative one you’ve told most of your life. It takes some effort. Think of it as a record album with grooves that the needle fits in to. Those grooves are deep. Your job is to change what plays in the grooves.

Seek out other stories about yourself that make that original story no longer true. Think of times you succeeded! Replay compliments you’ve received from others or times when clients or employees were extremely satisfied about something you’ve done.

To me, my friend is determined, a talented artist, compassionate, diligent and successful. She mentored me and helped me just because she is all of those things I described. She certainly didn’t have to put in the time with me. And she put in the time with about ten of us, creating a shared experience that I will never forget. I hope she can incorporate the parts of that experience into her own story. To me, she was everything I needed her to be at that time in my life.

One of my favorite gatherings with a group of friends happened one New Year’s Day several years ago. We were all thinking about the new year and decided we would go around the room and say one thing about each person that summed up how we felt about them. Meanwhile, a scribe wrote them all on a note pad and gave them to each person to keep. I carried mine in my wallet for years. Now I keep it on my desk and unfold it once in awhile.  It’s part of my new story. Some of the chapters of my story can still get pretty negative. It’s a constant and evolving process, especially when the examples I can point to so clearly reinforce those things I believe that just aren’t true. That little piece of paper helps a lot. So do all the people in my life who help to correct my story when I get it wrong.

Words for my new story

words for my new story

  • Mama – fixes anything
  • Strong – brings out the best in others
  • Integrity
  • My saving grace – my Queen
  • Intelligent – teacher
  • My heart
  • Profound

Wow, right?! That’s a story with a much happier ending.

Do you need help rewriting your new story? Ask for help – friends, mentors, family, colleagues, coaches and others are likely ready and willing to help you.

Journal it out – the old story and the new version. What words and phrases will you use to replace those that hurt you or changed your belief in yourself?

Start telling your new story.

 

“But her story isn’t finished, and for once she’s picked up a pen.”

― Kelsey Sutton, Some Quiet Place

A momentary choice to change

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“Everyday, God gives us the sun – and also one moment in which we have the ability to change everything.” ~ Paulo Coelho                

Don't let the sun go down on your grievances by kevindooley

from Kevin Dooley


I read a lot of books and blogs and often work with clients on deliberately creating what they want using spiritual laws like The Law of Attraction.  It’s still a hot topic these days and many of my clients come to me because they have a big dream they want to turn into reality. Knowing I practice many of these principles myself, they ask me to check their sentences, help them dissolve their limiting beliefs and find peace in the present moment. This work requires an open mind and a willingness to continually pivot your thoughts and beliefs -there’s a learning curve for sure.

One of the tenets of this belief system is that what you really focus on and desire for your life has already come about in your future. You just can’t see it and experience it quite yet. So the idea here is that you act “as if” and remember that it has already happened, which creates a sort of certainty that alleviates any current stress, desperation or worry about whether or not this is possible for you. Sounds a bit complex but I’ve been on the receiving end of some pretty amazing stuff as a result so I’m a believer and a fan.

 But when things unexpectedly go wrong, or even just a little rougher than you’d expected, it’s easy to fall back into old patterns of behavior like crying, biting your fingernails, pacing…you get the idea.  Today was one of those days where an ominous phone message led to a stressful phone call and suddenly I found myself in the middle of an impromptu, self-inflicted manicure. And it was starting to go downhill from there. I felt the need to change everything, stop the freight train to the abyss and get control again.  So, I tried something new – I conjured up my future self and had a little chat with her.

 “Hi future Laurie. I really need to ask you if I’m going to be able to convince this woman to waive these penalty fees for this nonprofit so we can go forward and save the world one woman at a time again. I don’t want to be anxious about this for days on end. I just want to know I’ll do this right and find a fair and equitable solution. “

 “I can see you’re worried,” future Laurie says after noticing the ragged edges of my nails. “I seem to recall a conversation with the woman from the tax office. Did you call her yet?”

“No, I wanted to check with you first and see how you thought I should handle it. I could play dumb but that’s not really our style, is it? I’m thinking honesty. Understand her position. Leverage what we have going for us now.” 

“ Hmmm. Yes. I remember,” future Laurie begins to smile. “ I explained what happened – a set of unbelievable circumstances, wasnt it? She wasn’t buying it but I remained calm, courageous yet knowledgeable and capable. She eventually caved and waived the fees. The world righted itself again pretty quickly. Feel better?”

“Much.” My breathing returns to normal and I experience an inner shift to calm. “Thank you so much.”

“Don’t mention it. I understand the appeal of staying present – it served me well a lot of the time. But every now and then, you have to really see a thing working before you can work it out in the moment.”

Anxiety and worry are generally a product of ruminating in the past or living in the future, not staying in the present where you have control. But every now and then, a trip to your successful future might be just what you need to create a successful now. Just like you can reclaim your inner child when you want to have a little fun or need to heal a broken piece, you can check in with and leverage your future, imagining how you could succeed in the present situation.

 And maybe it will save you from diving in and munching on too much chocolate or ripping the nails down to the beds.

 Let me know if you’ve tried this with success or if you think it’s too strange for words. Be nice – I don’t want to have to go back and buy little Laurie a banana split with double hot fudge…or do I?