When someone changes your life, you honor them.

Years ago, a girl who worked with me introduced me to the work of a woman named Louise Hay. Linda was leaving our company and I remember going to Barnes and Noble to buy her a going away gift of some of Louise’s books, because she often talked about how much her work had helped her. Even after that endorsement, I wouldn’t take a real look at anything Louise had written for years.

I can’t exactly recall how it happened, but I was reminded of her again just before or just after I discovered the idea that coaching might be a way for me to move forward after Katrina.  First, someone else I knew said, “Have you read anything by Louise Hay?” And then a few weeks later, my first coach quoted Louise in a session. She then told me that Louise had an online radio station called Hay House Radio and it featured a coach whose work I also admired, Cheryl Richardson, and a guy whose work I had discovered in college named Wayne Dyer. She said, “If you’re willing to take a look at this, let’s talk about it next week and how it might speak to your current dissatisfaction with what you’re doing.”

To say I looked is an understatement. I devoured Hay House Radio and ordered one of her books. I downloaded podcasts featuring all of them and listened whenever I was in the car. They all said things I had no doubt heard before, but that at a time that I wasn’t really listening the way I was then. I was ready. It was time to change my thoughts and to change my life.

Where I am today in my work and in my beliefs about myself are like night and day. My thoughts aren’t perfectly positive every day – in fact, far from it! I’m just more aware of them most days. Some days are still crumple and cry days for sure. But I’m always moving forward…always equipped with this one key to success. Thoughts are things. What you think about comes about. Because when you change your thoughts, you change the way you feel. And when you change the way you feel, your level of self love, happiness, presence, and belief and hope changes the way everything else unfolds for you.

I’d heard these concepts in church when I was a child, but the way these teachers described these concepts made it all connect for me. It wasn’t woo woo or metaphysical to me, but a practical application of the same principles that had been written and practiced by thought leaders, disciples, priests and kings.

I began gratitude journaling daily. I repeated daily affirmations as a way of taking what I used to think of as prayer into a whole new level. I learned that believing something could happen was the first step, followed by actions, and then miracles would follow. And they have.

Wayne died two years ago yesterday, leaving behind a legacy of written and spoken words.

Louise died yesterday at the age of 90. Exactly two years to the day after we lost Wayne. They were colleagues, friends, and faithful supporters of each other’s work. I can’t imagine their joy at being reunited again.

If you’ve never picked up one of Louise’s books (or Wayne’s)  or listened to one of her audio or video presentations, I encourage you to do so. Her life story is incredible to hear.

But today, I just want to take a moment to use my words to honor a woman I never met and to be grateful for all that she was to me. To say that she changed my life is also an understatement. My 4 Elements for Success are based on these principles that I learned and used to create my business. I wouldn’t be where I am today, sitting on my couch in a home that is perfect for me doing work that I love more than anything I’ve ever done, without the wisdom this woman shared with me and with the world.

 

Summer of Self Care – Day 25

The Power of Your Words  

“It just seems impossible.” I said to my daughter recently when talking about the setbacks we’re experiencing as we navigate this DIY home improvement project. “You can do it!” she replied. “Don’t say it’s impossible!”

She’s right and I know she’s right because she learned that words have power from a few very smart people.

One of them is – Me.

I do believe that the words we hear often are the words we believe or that keep rattling around in our brain long enough that we take them in.

Years ago, I learned about an experiment involving words and water while watching a movie called What The Bleep Do We Know? I had already been studying a lot about the effect of my words on my feelings and beliefs. The work of Dr. Masaru Emoto boggled my mind. Here’s a summary of his findings when he combined water and words.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masaru_Emoto

Whether you believe in his experiment or believe the critics that say it’s ridiculous really doesn’t matter. For me, after learning about this experiment, I decided on one small way to incorporate it into my own life. And I still have a water bottle with the words “infinite gratitude” and “infinite love” written on the side. Even if those words don’t change the water, they remind me to change my thoughts and words every time I take a sip.

I also began long ago to think about the words that come into my brain and/or out of my mouth. Sounds simple, right? It’s simple, but not always easy. A lot of words come into my awareness every day. I hear them spoken by others as well on the television or in conversations online and in real life. So no, I can’t always hear, think or say loving, wonderful and kind things to and about myself or to and about others. It’s a constant process for me. And it’s harder when my stress level is high. But I still believe in the importance of choosing my thoughts and words carefully and I have experienced many times when words influenced my mood, my behaviors and my experiences with others. And I listen to my daughter and others when they remind me that my words aren’t kind or affirming – I appreciate the reminders very much. I try to remind others gently as well.

Words matter. Sometimes we speak to or about ourselves in ways that we would never speak to others.

Think about this Meme for just a second.

Be Beautiful

 

Today’s self care prompt is to create affirming words or thoughts that are kind and loving – that maybe you can repeat today and every day.

One of my favorite calming affirmations is from Louise Hay.

“All is well. Everything is working for my highest good. Out of this situation only good will come. And I am safe.” It’s written on a dry-erase board in my office. I use it during my morning yoga practice so I will begin my day saying and thinking those thoughts.

Take a few moments to think about these questions:

What words matter to you today?

What words would move you forward to where you want to be?

What words make you feel and look beautiful?

What words would make you feel loved and cared for?

What loving words do you say often to others that you could be saying to yourself?

Summer of Self Care – Day 19

Decluttering Your Mind

 

There is so much research on the benefits of meditation – in fact, there are over 3000 scientific studies that you can access here.

Meditation helps you focus and increases memory, brings you a feeling of calm and reduces blood pressure, enhances self-esteem and self-acceptance, and lessens anxiety.

So if meditation is so helpful, why aren’t all of us doing it every day?

I’m not sure. I struggle with a daily practice as well, especially when I need it the most! I think we just don’t put the things we need to be calm and centered on the same priority list as those things we need to make money, care for others or manage a household. We think it’s less important somehow to make self care a priority. Or maybe we picture a guru sitting on a meditation cushion for hours at a time and that doesn’t feel right for us. But even just five minute or less of daily meditation brings the same benefits as a much longer practice.

I have discovered I am more likely to meditate when I add it to the end of my morning yoga routine. It’s a natural fit for me and I just add about five minutes to the end of my practice. Some people feel that they are most successful when the meditate before ever getting out of bed.

What I do know is that it’s one of the best self care activities for decluttering our mind of intrusive thoughts which can generally make us feel out of sorts. But eliminating those thoughts doesn’t happen immediately. This definitely takes practice.

Let me tell you how easy this can be. You can set a reminder in your electronic calendar or on your paper planner to meditate at a certain time every day or every other day. You can just find a few quiet moments somewhere comfortable in your home and do it yourself. Or, if you want to take advantage of electronic apps, here are a few I have used:

Smiling Mind (which is also tied to a research project!)
Insight Timer
https://www.calm.com/meditate

Remember – using electronic versions of meditation tools may not mean your phone won’t ring or your text and email notifications will stop. You may have to mute or turn off a few things to make sure you have uninterrupted time.

Just want to spend a few moments taking some deep breaths? Try the My Calm Beat App, which lets you choose your breathing rate per minute and gives you a tone when it’s time to breathe in and another when it’s time to breathe out.

Commit to four days at first – what Martha Beck calls a Four Day Win. Once you’ve meditated for four days, congratulate yourself. Reward yourself with something small but significant. And then commit to another four days. And then another four and so on. After about seven of these small commitments, you’ll have an entire month of meditation practice!

After about 12 days, think about how you feel – do you notice any changes in your thought patterns, focus, memory or sense of calm?

Still having trouble? Get yourself an accountability buddy who will check in with you to make sure you completed your daily or four-day commitment.

I’m off to take five and make my morning meditation time a priority.

When it’s time to change your story

A conversation with someone I’ve known for a long time reminded me of a challenge so many of us face.  We have a story we believe and continuously tell about ourselves, even if only in an internal dialogue. That story begins when we are born and what we are told, what we experience and what we want all comes together in a narrative we play subconsciously and often recite to others.

When I was a child, a woman who went to our church looked down at me one day and said, “Don’t worry sweetie, some day you’ll grow up to be a pretty girl.” Wow, right??! Basically, I heard, “You’re pretty ugly right now and hopefully you’ll grow up and be pretty.” What I internalized for YEARS was that I wasn’t pretty yet.

My friend relayed to me that her father said she wouldn’t ever amount to anything. She translated that to mean she would never be successful. It’s a limiting belief she lives with and probably thinks about often. When she searches her brain for memories, she finds experiences that reinforce her story that she will always be nothing much to talk about. Then she relays the story to me and probably to others.

A professor gave me a nugget of information once that changed my life. He said the thing is, our brain believes what we tell it to believe. If you tell yourself you are worthless, you’ll constantly feel worthless. If you keep repeating a successful story, you’ll begin to feel successful. Even if you had a bad experience in your life, you can stop feeding your brain with the same memory, dialogue or belief. You have the opportunity and all the skills you need to tell a new story.

So how do you tell a new and better story about yourself?  You have to create a new story or belief about yourself. And you have to tell it a lot – a lot more than the slightly or completely negative one you’ve told most of your life. It takes some effort. Think of it as a record album with grooves that the needle fits in to. Those grooves are deep. Your job is to change what plays in the grooves.

Seek out other stories about yourself that make that original story no longer true. Think of times you succeeded! Replay compliments you’ve received from others or times when clients or employees were extremely satisfied about something you’ve done.

To me, my friend is determined, a talented artist, compassionate, diligent and successful. She mentored me and helped me just because she is all of those things I described. She certainly didn’t have to put in the time with me. And she put in the time with about ten of us, creating a shared experience that I will never forget. I hope she can incorporate the parts of that experience into her own story. To me, she was everything I needed her to be at that time in my life.

One of my favorite gatherings with a group of friends happened one New Year’s Day several years ago. We were all thinking about the new year and decided we would go around the room and say one thing about each person that summed up how we felt about them. Meanwhile, a scribe wrote them all on a note pad and gave them to each person to keep. I carried mine in my wallet for years. Now I keep it on my desk and unfold it once in awhile.  It’s part of my new story. Some of the chapters of my story can still get pretty negative. It’s a constant and evolving process, especially when the examples I can point to so clearly reinforce those things I believe that just aren’t true. That little piece of paper helps a lot. So do all the people in my life who help to correct my story when I get it wrong.

Words for my new story

words for my new story

  • Mama – fixes anything
  • Strong – brings out the best in others
  • Integrity
  • My saving grace – my Queen
  • Intelligent – teacher
  • My heart
  • Profound

Wow, right?! That’s a story with a much happier ending.

Do you need help rewriting your new story? Ask for help – friends, mentors, family, colleagues, coaches and others are likely ready and willing to help you.

Journal it out – the old story and the new version. What words and phrases will you use to replace those that hurt you or changed your belief in yourself?

Start telling your new story.

 

“But her story isn’t finished, and for once she’s picked up a pen.”

Kelsey Sutton, Some Quiet Place