Self Care for the Holidays

Today begins a series of blog posts about taking good care of yourself as you prepare for the holidays. And read all the way to the end to register for a free workshop on this topic!

Of all the times of the year, the holiday season can be one of the most busy and, therefore, stressful. We can take on a lot. We can have high expectations. We can encounter difficulties in relationships with others who are stressed and carrying high expectations.

One of the most joyful times of the year can often be fraught with sadness and disappointment.

Add in the fact that for some, the end of the year brings additional stresses at work as there can be more planning, more reporting, more covering for those who take time off and more.

So what can you do to prepare for the holiday season?

The first step is to be more mindful. If you are aware of what could get in the way or create more stress and overwhelm, you are more likely to respond to things rather than to react.

One of the ways I suggest becoming more mindful is to take a few moments to think about what you’d like your intention for the season to be.

Your intention is a statement or series of statements about how you’d like to feel while you are gathering with friends and family or engaging in holiday events. You can also incorporate how you would like others to feel in your intentions.

For example, you may want to feel joyful, relaxed and engaged with others. Perhaps you’d like your presence with your family to be felt as though you are connected to them, listening to them and enjoying your time with them. Maybe you’d like to be responsive to your needs and to the needs of others by giving and receiving love and joy.

Take a few moments to think about what your intention is this holiday season. At the end of 2017, what would you like to say about your holiday time?

Now, take a moment to cull your statement down to one main word. Maybe it’s Joy. Perhaps you want to feel Present. Or Connected. Write that word down on an index card or a piece of paper and put it somewhere you’ll see it every day. Maybe on your bathroom mirror or your refrigerator. Each time you see your intention, it will help you stay connected to it – to remember that this is the way you have decided you want to feel.

For extra help in this area, journal for a few moments each day and think of three ways in which you could realize that intention. Or at the end of each day, you may want to reflect back and think of ways in which you felt your word come to life that day and plan a few ways for the day ahead.

I’d love to hear what intentions you’ve created! Just comment on this blog post or on Facebook and let me know what you want this holiday season.

To help you with more self care tips for the holiday season, I’m hosting a free mini-workshop on Tuesday, November 14th at 8pm EST/7pm CST. This workshop will be delivered via conference call so you’ll need to register to get the call-in details.

You can register by emailing me at lauriejohnson@4elementscoaching.com with Register Me in the subject line.

Or go to our Contact Us page here on the website and put Self Care for the Holidays in the subject line and Register Me in the message.

Summer of Self Care – Day 28

Self Care, Sickness, Stress and Change

When we are sick, stressed or in the middle of a great change, the need for self care often intensifies. Yet this is the very time we are seemingly unable to put our needs in front of the ever changing landscape unfolding in front of our eyes.

In particular, self care often changes greatly when we are sick, especially if we are also trying to juggle child care, work, other caregiving for family and more.

And when we’re knee deep in some sort of change or stressed to the max, it’s hard to remember to eat or take daily medications and/or vitamins, let alone make sure we are journaling, breathing, meditating or taking a daily walk.

Sometimes self care must be put on the back burner during these times when other priorities or concerns have intensified.  But don’t give it up all together.

Here are some things to consider:

  • Right now, what do I absolutely need the most to stay centered and grounded in my own self care?
  • What do I KNOW works for me as a quick, uplifting self care practice? (For me, it’s as simple as listening to music and I can find music almost anywhere.)
  • Who can I turn to for help and support?
  • What can I control at this moment? This helps you stay present and feel less anxious. Easier self care activities like deep breathing, stretching and walking are a small activity that you can control and practice quickly.
  • What can I plan to do for myself when this situation/crisis/illness is over?
  • Where am I holding tension? How can I release it?
  • Draft a quick emergency self care plan – think about what you need the most and can do easily.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When we are sick, we are often tempted to think about all the things that aren’t getting done and piling up on the list. This adds to our stress and anxiety and makes us feel like giving up. Here are some things you could add to your emergency self care plan –

  • Asking for help is a simple act of self care. Find a caregiver or someone who can help with work, child/parent care, etc. just for a little while.
  • If you’re sleeping through medication times, set a timer in your phone or other device to remind you.
  • Listen to music or watch funny movies or sitcoms.
  • Read peaceful or favorite books.
  • Meditate.
  • Make a cup of tea as often as you need one.
  • Read back over these self care posts and think of what you CAN do while you are on Pause

Remember – self care is an act of love and kindness and is especially during times when you are sick or in some type of chaotic change. Even good change can throw your routine into a place that doesn’t feel like it has room for self care. Make room for whatever you can, when you can. Self care will ebb and flow – just don’t let it recede completely.

Summer of Self Care – Day 23

Comfort Bag

My family sometimes laughs at me because I put together a bag of things whenever I am leaving home for the day, weekend or longer. I often over pack and take more things than I really need. When arriving to spend the day with my granddaughters, my son often teases me and asks, “how many bags did you bring today?” I often have a lunch bag, a work bag and a bag of things I wanted to have with me – a bag I call My Comfort Bag.

Sometimes my Comfort Bag includes a book, a tablet, some snacks, a coloring book or activity to do with the girls, essential oils, an ipod and a magazine. Yes, that’s more than I need for the day, but it brings me comfort to have it all with me. And I’m never sure what I will want to reach for first.

Once I recommended a Comfort Bag to a friend who was headed to a funeral. She was obviously experiencing sadness over the loss of the family member, but she was also feeling stressed at the thought of being with family she hadn’t seen and didn’t always feel comfortable around.

We came up with a list of items to include in her Comfort Bag – a journal, emails of friends who would support her, healthy snacks, a picture with her and her loved one in happier times, lavender and a soft blanket for the plane and the hotel room.

If you’re a caregiver or travel often, you may want to keep a Comfort Bag packed and always ready. If you’re stressed about something, you may want your Comfort Bag with you daily.

Today, maybe spend a few moments thinking about what you would include in your Comfort Bag and then start pulling those together or duplicating them if they are things you use every day.

The more prepared you are for self care, the more you will benefit from your effort.

Summer of Self Care – Day 14

Self-care and Online Connections 

These days, there are a lot of troubling things happening all over the world. It used to be that we got news from a couple of nightly news shows, magazines or the newspaper. But now, we see news throughout various social media platforms and apps, which also provide notifications of breaking stories throughout the day.

This constant exposure to real time, shocking or upsetting information can lead to feelings of anger, frustration or fear. And these emotions can cause anxiety and increase our levels of stress.

Yet in times of stress, many of us crave connection with others. After all, it is this connection that helps us to feel loved and cared for, right?

Conversations on social media can be delightful, fun, affirming, overwhelming, time-consuming, frustrating or anxiety provoking.

Add to that a constant barrage of notifications that you have email waiting, some with the high priority symbol or a red flag, and you’ve multiplied those feelings exponentially.

How can you practice self-care by limiting or scheduling when you will consume this information?

We’ve already talked about Tech Free Days and how they can benefit your self-care routine. You may decide that you want to include Tech Free Days regularly and can find ways to manage your day-to-day activities while limiting or temporarily eliminating your social media.

It also starts with an awareness of how you’re feeling about each media source.  Does Facebook or Twitter continue to bring you joy? Or are you constantly feeling angry, helpless or hopeless? Make a list of what you consume every day and start making tick marks in the Joy or Stress column to see if the good feeling you get when participating outweighs the stressful and anxious feelings.

If you want to keep up with news, you might limit watching just before bed or first thing in the morning. This can start or end the day on an anxious note. The beauty of technologies is that you can access most of this information on demand, allowing you to decide exactly how much and when you will take it all in.

Scheduling time to check email and/or social media throughout the day can protect you from unwanted assaults or interruptions. This strategy can definitely increase your productivity – most of us who respond immediately to a notification from news or social media tend to then spend at least 10 additional minutes online after reading the article or post that brought us there. Multiply that times just 10 notifications a day and you’ve spent 100 minutes online without even intending to. If this happens during the work day, you’ve lost 100 minute of productivity. This may make you feel like you can’t get caught up, intensifying your anxiety and stress.

Setting a reminder to check email and social media three times during the work day may not work for everyone, but you can certainly give it a try.  If you check first thing in the morning, just after lunch, and again about an hour or so before the end of the work day, that keeps most people up to date. Of course, if your work requires an immediate response no matter what, this scheduling technique may not work for you. Or perhaps you can find a back-up or strategy to connect to those emergencies without being tethered to the notifications constantly.

Consider ways in which you can connect with people IRL (in real life) again. It’s interesting to me how I still sometimes resist having coffee with someone because it means I have to put on makeup, dress a certain way, leave my house and stop what I am working on for a period of time. Or we email someone rather than call them for something because it’s… what? Easier? Faster? Convenient? Avoidant?

Face to face or voice to voice connections will become a thing of the past if we let them. But truthfully, they can be beneficial to our self-care. I give and receive this experience with a lot of fellow coaches because we can become very isolated in our primarily work-at-home-alone routine. Inevitably, one of us says, “I really needed to talk to you today. This really helped me a lot.”

On the flip side, social media can, for some, be a form of self-care and connection. Reading another blogger’s take on this recently, this hit home for me. Here’s a post from Rest for Resistance on self-care for the radical social media user.

“Offline self-care works great for some people. Yet it’s harder for those of us who don’t have space to sequester ourselves at home with friends and family. Due to isolation, many of us don’t have room IRL to even believe that we deserve space in our own lives. Social media is simply a better source of hope than the outside world.

We all deserve community, and many of us find that online.”

The bottom line is that, aside from the requirements of your job, you get to decide how and when to connect with email, news and social media sources and design your self-care plan around what works best for you. Maybe for today, your act of self-care is just being more aware of how you’re feeling and what might work better for you tomorrow.

 

 

 

Summer of Self Care – Day 13

A Day to Play 

As children, summer means a few months of play! I can remember that feeling on the last day of school – the endless summer stretched in front of me. Everything seemed new and possible and free! We went to the lake, made forts on the front porch or in the yard, swam for hours and then walked uptown with towels wrapped around us as clothing to get popsicles. My father would throw meat on the grill and I would run back and forth through the resulting clouds of smoke. We would cut a giant watermelon and eat it outside all day long. Chasing fireflies at night and capturing them in a jar with holes poked in the top was a frequent game I enjoyed. And still do.

What were your favorite things to do as a child? When was the last time you spent some time doing those things?

Possibly the biggest watermelon I have ever carried. Summer 2016, Water Valley, MS. Watermelon Carnival.

As adults, we get caught up in work and summer home repairs and chaperoning our children or grandchildren to camp or play dates. We may go on a vacation, but a lot goes into preparing to leave and acclimating back to work and routine when we return. Summer often loses the spontaneity of play we experience as children.

What if practicing extreme self care gave you time to play? Maybe you can or can’t spend the day swimming or walking to get a popsicle, but there are also fun things you can do to relieve stress and invite more play into your life.

You can play a board game with a friend or with family members. Sometimes a monthly board game night is a great way to re-introduce play into our adult lives and there are many games to choose from these days. Adult coloring books are also a quick and easy way to lighten the load – they often bring a meditative, zen like experience to adults. We’ve forgotten how peaceful it can feel to color inside or outside the lines. Add watercolors or watercolor pencils and you’ve got an even more peaceful way of moving color around a page.

What about putting together a puzzle? This has the same effect as coloring – focus on putting the pieces in just the right order creates calm and a meditative state in the brain.

You could have a picnic lunch in the backyard or at the park. Ride a bike through the neighborhood.

Don’t have time to swim or coloring books/puzzles at hand? There are apps that allow you to color or put puzzle together. Yes, they are a little less satisfying to some, but they work in a pinch. If you’re looking to maintain a healthy brain, crossword puzzle books or apps are also a way of letting go of the stresses of the day and entering into a space dedicated for quiet,, fun time.

Today or one day soon, give yourself permission to play and see the effect play time has on your self care.

Board game night with friends a few summers ago. I love our faces!

Creating Some Daily Habits

Habits Quote

Looking for inspirational quotes can also be a daily habit!

 

One of the best things about becoming a coach was the training I received from Coach University. There were a variety of courses offered in both of the programs I completed, but one of the first courses I took was Personal Foundation.

Now I could write a book about what I learned in that class, but there is one available. (Warning –  it’s pretty pricey. You can find it on Amazon right here.) One of the best tools I received, and one I share with my clients frequently, was the idea of creating ten daily habits that would keep me grounded and ensure I had enough reserves to get through each day. It’s one of the best ways I keep my work and life in good balance. When I was caregiving for my mom, I often got so stressed that I would let my daily habits fall by the wayside. This resulted in anxiety and a feeling that everything was out of control. That experience taught me that making sure I practice my ten daily habits when I am stressed is critical to keeping that stress under control.

When we’re in crisis or depleted of energy from our “busyness”, we tend to be reactive rather than responsive. When we create personal energetic reserves, they help us feel as though we are connected to a place of balance and control.

Your daily habits can be whatever you want them to be and you don’t absolutely have to do each one every day. In fact, at first, it may be hard to fit them all in. And these habits don’t have to be time consuming. On my current list, there are three things I can do in the space of 20 minutes that help me to ensure that my day starts off in a way that is optimum for me.  For example, you might decide you need daily exercise, some motivation from a favorite podcast and adequate amounts of water during the day. Three habits can be accomplished all at one time if you bring your phone, earbuds and a water bottle on a morning walk.

Here’s a list of my 10 daily habits:

1)   Inspiration and Visualization (can be my music playlist or time spent visualizing what my success really looks like.)

2)   Move my body in some way every day (usually means morning yoga, but can be a walk around the block or doing a happy dance while listening to music playlists.)

3)   Morning pages/gratitude journaling. (three long-hand pages every morning thanks to a practice I learned from Julia Cameron over ten years ago)

4)   Read something every day (could be as simple as a blog post or article online or just might be the books I am currently reading.)

5)   Grounding and centering (I set a daily intention just after yoga while I am still on the mat)

6)   Meditation or quiet time (still on the yoga mat)

7)   Karma notes or calls (a practice I learned from Veronika Noize as a part of her marketing class. Just reaching out to someone every day and exchanging a positive thought or a thank-you for something)

8)   Water (I don’t feel as well as I want to feel if I stop drinking water.)

9)   Declutter – spaces, thoughts or inbox. (A little decluttering each day goes a long way toward keeping me from being anxious and unproductive)

10)  Create at least one new thing (I might draw, paint or write. Just one little creative thing daily keeps me happy.)

Get the idea? I keep my list of 10 Daily Habits taped on one of the cabinets next to my desk so that I am constantly checking in to them, refining and refreshing the list as needed. When you first start, it helps to keep them handy and nearby.

Ready to create your 10 daily habits? Here’s a Ten Daily Habits Template to help you get started!

 

 

Stress-Proofing Your Life

Since we are all Game Of Thrones fans in this house, we think she’s saying “Where Are My Dragons??!!

We recently experienced a life-changing event in our family. Our newest granddaughter, Adeline Rey, came into the world on May 4th. But she tried to arrive much earlier, which resulted in bed rest for mom and a team effort on the part of the family to ensure that mom and baby were cared for and all the moving pieces and parts of family life and work responsibilities carried on, as usual.

During an email conversation with a fellow coach, I was reminded of the importance of preparing for impending stress, even when that stress is a result of an incredibly joyful event.  I thought about what she said and realized it applies to your company or your work teams as much as it does for self and family.

The idea of stress-proofing is anticipating, as much as possible, what the stressors will be and how you will respond to them. So in the workplace, you might be bidding for a new contract, opening a new office or producing a new product. Extra hours may factor into the anticipation of stress, as well as taking on additional roles or responsibilities, either temporarily or permanently.  And of course, life happens and you may experience the need to stress-proof your life and business due to an accident, an addition to the family or a sudden illness that causes you to shift into caregiving mode. You feel as though, for whatever reason, you may be exhausted or anxious about change.

When we are under stress, we often find ourselves feeling as though things are out of control. Or we become more intolerant of others, realizing that things that were negligibly bothersome before now seem large and extremely annoying. Stress can cause individuals to shut down and stop communicating effectively. Add a dose of sleeplessness or exhaustion and you’ve got a recipe for angry responses, team members dropping balls or meltdowns.

Stress proofing helps you keep some of the negative responses or conversations to a minimum.  The process includes meeting with the team before the change or extra work begins and considering some of the following:

1)    What stress points can you anticipate? Can you break down each aspect of the project or process and think about what stress producing events might occur?

2)    When you think about your stressful situations in the past, what has worked well for you? What do you want to make sure you don’t bring into the plan this time?

3)    Who will handle each aspect of the project? Who will cover what and what is the absolute minimum acceptable response to the everyday, as well as the new stressful situation? What can’t be left undone and what can be divided up most effectively?

4)    How will you effectively track progress? Do lists or visual prompts help you feel more in control?

5)    What will you do during your down time to mitigate your stressful responses? Do you need to ensure you continue or add exercise? Proper hydration? Music or time for a movie or your favorite television show?  Music and laughter are very useful in creating a greater sense of calm and wellbeing.

6)    What will you do to shift your response if you find yourself moving into the role of control freak or generally becoming more intolerant of people or situations?

7)    Who else needs to know that you are moving into high gear and may not respond as quickly or calmly as usual?

8)    What supports do you need to call in? Who else besides yourself or your team members can take up some of the personal or professional slack?

Once you have an idea of what this may take and how you can implement the plan to help mitigate the stress, consider jotting down some notes about your stress-proofing plan so you don’t forget when the going gets really tough.

Also, don’t forget that your response to things during this time is coming from your perspective of things.  And your perspective may be the complete opposite of someone else’s. You are feeding yourself information about what’s happening and that information may be based in reality or based in a slightly exhausted, anxious or even panicked version of reality. Try to step away and look at things from several different lenses. Ask someone who isn’t in the middle of it all whether you are being unreasonable or coming at things from a skewed perspective. Then figure out how to get closer to a more realistic view.

Self-care needs to go into high gear when you are facing an increase in production or a change in the way you normally work. Sadly, self-care is often the first thing that we take off the plate. Don’t forego those things that calm or comfort you because you have less time. Find a space to slip those self-care activities into your day as much as possible. And if you absolutely can’t, resume them as soon as you can.  You’ll feel yourself coming back to your regular routine fairly quickly as long as you are mindful of what you need to include during the day.

I’d love to hear your ideas about stress-proofing and how you might approach the next situation in this way. A little bit of thought around stressful situations and responses will go a long way toward making you feel better and help you work through it with a greater sense of peace and purposeful action.

(PS: A couple of years ago, I stumbled on coloring books for adults and realized the claiming benefit a few moments of coloring can have on my mood. Now, they are all the rage and you can find them almost anywhere. If you haven’t given coloring a try since grade school, I highly recommend it as a stress-proofing tool!)