Tag Archives: Women

Get Your Ducks in a Row

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I started my business full time a little over a year ago after a national nonprofit I worked for went through a restructuring. I had just gotten an exemplary yearly evaluation and a lovely bonus. Suddenly, I was offered a severance package and transitional services. It was a shock and I struggled to process what had happened while figuring out what was next.

I decided to just take the leap and do this thing that I love – coach full time. A short while later,  my coach was helping me work through this new development.  Not surprisingly, I expressed I was having some fear, grief, anger – all the things you would expect to feel.

My brilliant coach said, “So what’s your first next step? What are you feeling like you need to do?”

I replied, “I need to get my ducks in a row.” We then talked about what that meant. It could have included “busyness” like website redo, new business cards, systems and processes to build my capacity to serve more clients, etc. etc. Really Busy Stuff. But honestly, what it meant for me was first getting my head in the game. Aligning my mind and my business goals with what I want to do, my vision, my why, my business philosophy. My values.  Everything should be synced and pulling me forward.

A few days later, I found this.

My row of ducks

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What’s weird about this little bit of pewter goodness is that in that moment, I truly didn’t remember EVER SEEING IT BEFORE. I just turned my head one day while journaling in my favorite chair and there it was, in the bookcase in front of some business books. Yes, that’s right. Business books.

I freaked out a little, I’m not going to lie. Where did this come from? How did it get here? It’s in front of my business books!!!

I began searching my brain and remembered where it came from. It belonged to my mother. Then I remembered even more – my sister gave it to her and it was especially meaningful  because mom had three girls. I probably found it in a large mass of boxes brought to my home after my mom died and decided hastily to pop it into the bookcase rather than donate or give it away. I have probably seen it hundreds of times but never really took it in.

In that moment, after I had declared to my coach that I needed to get my ducks in a row, it suddenly came into my view and I got it.

Magical.

Now, it became a symbol for what I needed to do.

Fast forward to now, just a few months past my one year, full-time business anniversary, I’ve been reflecting a lot on what I’ve accomplished, what I haven’t accomplished (I spend way too much time on that one) and what I‘ve learned.  Oh, the learning.

I was cleaning and decluttering my desk the other day and moved my laptop and found the little ducks again. There they were – there they always are – reminding me. A little talisman.

“Get your ducks in a row, Laurie.”

It’s an ongoing process, right? It isn’t ever really over. Sometimes my ducks walk out of line.

Like recently, when I made a decision about an opportunity that was so out of line that I almost instantly realized I needed to pull that duck back in. Every day that duck was out of line was a struggle for me.  I made an impulsive decision that wasn’t aligned with my overall vision. And I knew I needed to let it go.

You see, I have this list of things that I usually go by in order to decide if something is right for me. An opportunity has to tick all these boxes. This one didn’t really tick any of them.

So, I am letting go of the regret and blaming I was doing about taking this thing on in the first place. Because I have discovered that while this detour was all wrong for me, it has taught me a lot more about myself. And has led me to discover some pretty incredible opportunities I would maybe have ignored before. For whatever reason, it was meant to be, but not for very long. I veered off to the right and it took me just a short time to get back in line.  I remembered what it’s like to feel aligned. I found myself again. And when you find yourself again, it just makes you realize even more how important it is to be your complete self.

Thanks to my ducks.

So let me ask you – what’s on your list of boxes? What do you have to check in order to decide if an opportunity or relationship is right for you?

How does it feel to be connected to your complete self? How do you know when you are not in the place you need to be?

How is what you’re doing now aligning with what you want to be doing?

Is there something  that feels out of range – either out of control, out of alignment or out of your ability to accomplish?

What do you need to do in order to get your ducks in a row?

What have you learned from the things that weren’t right for you?

What’s next?

 

If you need some help, I am always available to help you get your ducks back in a row through a coaching session. Contact me if that’s something you need right now. 

 

A Crumple and Cry Day

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Did you ever have one of those days that began with something going wrong? Let’s say it was a BIG bad thing.  Or maybe a medium bad thing and then maybe then something else happened and another thing happened and the next thing you know, you’re crying and you can’t seem to find the motivation to do anything?

Been there. Plenty of times.

I used to think it was my adult duty to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. That’s what I was told. Some days.

But I also was told that crying happens. It sometimes happens when you least expect it and for no apparent reason. Nothing has to go wrong to make you feel like crying. Bad days happen. Negativity takes control. Crying ensues. And often, once it starts, it feels like it won’t stop any time soon.

And crying is cathartic. It can be necessary.

Instead of trying to bury the emotions under a pile of things to do or people to see, I decided years ago that I just needed to surrender, on those days, and have what I call a Crumple and Cry Day. It allows me to grieve over all the injustices that have piled up against me, or those I love and care about, big or small. I just need to surrender to what I cannot control.

No, I don’t cry all day. At least not constantly. I may cry for a bit, stop, cry again, get quiet, cry on the yoga mat, watch tv, cry…etc. I find though that they key to a successful Crumple and Cry Day is just to clear my calendar and settle in for the day and let it unfold as it is meant to do. (Yes, sick days are allowed. If you’re heartsick, take a sick day.

Sinking my feet in the sand, listening to the waves crash on the beach, mimics my internal swell of tears while bringing me to a place of peace.

I don’t have to stay at home and cry. In fact, I often don a pair of sunglasses and cry as I walk the beach, or sit on the front porch. Don’t try to push it down any more, just let it all bubble up and see what you learn from it. You may be surprised at how many little things you’ve been holding on to. Or it may just be one BIG thing. And if that BIG thing comes up on more than one Crumple and Cry Day, it’s a signal that your work isn’t finished.

Crumple and Cry Day doesn’t have to be a whole day. It’s just as long or short as you need it to be.

What happens at the end of a Crumple and Cry Day? I’m tired. I have no more tears left for the time being. And I have generally opened up a space for me to take the next step. Having released all the built up sadness or anger, I can stand in a moment where that container is empty and I am ready to fill up another container with something good. Something possible. Something fresh and new.

If you’re in an overall healthy state of mental wellbeing, crying is a very cleansing, healing and refreshing experience. You might want to keep a notebook nearby as you move out of the sadness and into the peace and calm that follows. It really is almost like decluttering your physical spaces – once you surrender the stuff you’ve been holding on to, you open your heart and mind to what you need in that moment. So listen and be ready to write it down so you won’t forget.

I know some people worry that if they surrender and start to cry, they will never stop. And if you have more Crumple and Cry Days than days filled with possibility, I’m going to suggest you reach out to someone for help. See if that container needs to be washed by something more therapeutic than you can offer yourself.

Let me know what you think. And if you have a way of cleansing and releasing your stuff, tell us about it in the comments.

 

 

Just Five Minutes – Change it Up!

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Today’s Just Five Minutes is about changing up where you work.

We often get in a rut and think we have to work from the same space in the same office. But sometimes, changing up your space can stimulate your creativity and help you see things from a different perspective. In fact, changing your environment can inspire you to think of new ideas or fresh ways to tackle a project.

So take a few moments to look at this video, then pack a bag and go work somewhere else. Even just an hour or two will make a difference.

Just Five Minutes – Change it Up!

Just Five Minutes – Launch

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Hey there! Today’s post is a video telling you about a new series I am launching here on the blog and on YouTube called Just Fie Minutes. It’s inspired by a couple of books I picked up a long time ago called Five Good Minutes and Five Good Minutes at Work by Dr. Jeffrey Brantley and Wendy Millstine. While these books generally discuss mindfulness and intentional actions for the day, my Just Five Minutes series will focus on specific things you could do in five minutes each morning or each week to move you forward.

Here’s the video launch. I hope you’ll stay tuned for Just Five minutes. BTW – You can subscribe to my YouTube Channel and get all the videos over and over right here.

Just Five Minutes – Launch

Creating Some Daily Habits

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Habits Quote

Looking for inspirational quotes can also be a daily habit!

 

One of the best things about becoming a coach was the training I received from Coach University. There were a variety of courses offered in both of the programs I completed, but one of the first courses I took was Personal Foundation.

Now I could write a book about what I learned in that class, but there is one available. (Warning –  it’s pretty pricey. You can find it on Amazon right here.) One of the best tools I received, and one I share with my clients frequently, was the idea of creating ten daily habits that would keep me grounded and ensure I had enough reserves to get through each day. It’s one of the best ways I keep my work and life in good balance. When I was caregiving for my mom, I often got so stressed that I would let my daily habits fall by the wayside. This resulted in anxiety and a feeling that everything was out of control. That experience taught me that making sure I practice my ten daily habits when I am stressed is critical to keeping that stress under control.

When we’re in crisis or depleted of energy from our “busyness”, we tend to be reactive rather than responsive. When we create personal energetic reserves, they help us feel as though we are connected to a place of balance and control.

Your daily habits can be whatever you want them to be and you don’t absolutely have to do each one every day. In fact, at first, it may be hard to fit them all in. And these habits don’t have to be time consuming. On my current list, there are three things I can do in the space of 20 minutes that help me to ensure that my day starts off in a way that is optimum for me.  For example, you might decide you need daily exercise, some motivation from a favorite podcast and adequate amounts of water during the day. Three habits can be accomplished all at one time if you bring your phone, earbuds and a water bottle on a morning walk.

Here’s a list of my 10 daily habits:

1)   Inspiration and Visualization (can be my music playlist or time spent visualizing what my success really looks like.)

2)   Move my body in some way every day (usually means morning yoga, but can be a walk around the block or doing a happy dance while listening to music playlists.)

3)   Morning pages/gratitude journaling. (three long-hand pages every morning thanks to a practice I learned from Julia Cameron over ten years ago)

4)   Read something every day (could be as simple as a blog post or article online or just might be the books I am currently reading.)

5)   Grounding and centering (I set a daily intention just after yoga while I am still on the mat)

6)   Meditation or quiet time (still on the yoga mat)

7)   Karma notes or calls (a practice I learned from Veronika Noize as a part of her marketing class. Just reaching out to someone every day and exchanging a positive thought or a thank-you for something)

8)   Water (I don’t feel as well as I want to feel if I stop drinking water.)

9)   Declutter – spaces, thoughts or inbox. (A little decluttering each day goes a long way toward keeping me from being anxious and unproductive)

10)  Create at least one new thing (I might draw, paint or write. Just one little creative thing daily keeps me happy.)

Get the idea? I keep my list of 10 Daily Habits taped on one of the cabinets next to my desk so that I am constantly checking in to them, refining and refreshing the list as needed. When you first start, it helps to keep them handy and nearby.

Ready to create your 10 daily habits? Here’s a Ten Daily Habits Template to help you get started!

 

 

When it’s time to change your story

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A conversation with someone I’ve known for a long time reminded me of a challenge so many of us face.  We have a story we believe and continuously tell about ourselves, even if only in an internal dialogue. That story begins when we are born and what we are told, what we experience and what we want all comes together in a narrative we play subconsciously and often recite to others.

When I was a child, a woman who went to our church looked down at me one day and said, “Don’t worry sweetie, some day you’ll grow up to be a pretty girl.” Wow, right??! Basically, I heard, “You’re pretty ugly right now and hopefully you’ll grow up and be pretty.” What I internalized for YEARS was that I wasn’t pretty yet.

My friend relayed to me that her father said she wouldn’t ever amount to anything. She translated that to mean she would never be successful. It’s a limiting belief she lives with and probably thinks about often. When she searches her brain for memories, she finds experiences that reinforce her story that she will always be nothing much to talk about. Then she relays the story to me and probably to others.

A professor gave me a nugget of information once that changed my life. He said the thing is, our brain believes what we tell it to believe. If you tell yourself you are worthless, you’ll constantly feel worthless. If you keep repeating a successful story, you’ll begin to feel successful. Even if you had a bad experience in your life, you can stop feeding your brain with the same memory, dialogue or belief. You have the opportunity and all the skills you need to tell a new story.

So how do you tell a new and better story about yourself?  You have to create a new story or belief about yourself. And you have to tell it a lot – a lot more than the slightly or completely negative one you’ve told most of your life. It takes some effort. Think of it as a record album with grooves that the needle fits in to. Those grooves are deep. Your job is to change what plays in the grooves.

Seek out other stories about yourself that make that original story no longer true. Think of times you succeeded! Replay compliments you’ve received from others or times when clients or employees were extremely satisfied about something you’ve done.

To me, my friend is determined, a talented artist, compassionate, diligent and successful. She mentored me and helped me just because she is all of those things I described. She certainly didn’t have to put in the time with me. And she put in the time with about ten of us, creating a shared experience that I will never forget. I hope she can incorporate the parts of that experience into her own story. To me, she was everything I needed her to be at that time in my life.

One of my favorite gatherings with a group of friends happened one New Year’s Day several years ago. We were all thinking about the new year and decided we would go around the room and say one thing about each person that summed up how we felt about them. Meanwhile, a scribe wrote them all on a note pad and gave them to each person to keep. I carried mine in my wallet for years. Now I keep it on my desk and unfold it once in awhile.  It’s part of my new story. Some of the chapters of my story can still get pretty negative. It’s a constant and evolving process, especially when the examples I can point to so clearly reinforce those things I believe that just aren’t true. That little piece of paper helps a lot. So do all the people in my life who help to correct my story when I get it wrong.

Words for my new story

words for my new story

  • Mama – fixes anything
  • Strong – brings out the best in others
  • Integrity
  • My saving grace – my Queen
  • Intelligent – teacher
  • My heart
  • Profound

Wow, right?! That’s a story with a much happier ending.

Do you need help rewriting your new story? Ask for help – friends, mentors, family, colleagues, coaches and others are likely ready and willing to help you.

Journal it out – the old story and the new version. What words and phrases will you use to replace those that hurt you or changed your belief in yourself?

Start telling your new story.

 

“But her story isn’t finished, and for once she’s picked up a pen.”

― Kelsey Sutton, Some Quiet Place

Celebrating Me and You and Wonder Woman

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Amazon. Hero. Icon. This book by Robert Greenberger is terrific.

 

The women in my family have this thing we do when we’re having a tough day. You know those days – when everything seems to go wrong and there’s a shadow phrase lurking in the back of your mind? That dreaded thought emerges – ‘What else could go wrong today?” And before we say it or even let it form into a solidified question in our minds, we remind each other to do the Wonder Woman Turn.

The Wonder Woman Turn consists of turning yourself around, counter clockwise three times, with your arms flung wide, just like Linda Carter showed you in the TV show. Then you shake off the bad mojo and click your wrists together, and walk away, confident that you have gotten rid of whatever it was that momentarily took hold of your day. (Trust me It works. Try it next time you have an awful day.)

But today, I am reminded of the power of the iconic Wonder Woman to make us all feel strong and brave. Wonder Woman represents truth and justice and patriotism. But more than that, she represents power – the power to change the world, or even just our little corner of it. We can and have done so much!

Today is International Women’s Day, created in 1977 as “a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future.” You can find more info here: http://www.internationalwomensday.com

I hope today, of all days, you don’t have to do the Wonder Woman turn because things are going badly. I hope you can do it with pride and gratitude, for all the women who have gone before you, those who have connected with you now, and those whose lives you are shaping along the way to their amazing future.

Here’s to your inner Wonder Woman and mine!

 

 

The Business Basics

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I have to admit something that I’m not particularly proud of. When I discovered coaching and decided I wanted to be a coach, it never occurred to me that I would also have to become a business owner. I suppose in my excitement and passion about this new venture, I let my left brain lag a little behind on the learning curve. In fact, let’s just be honest – I’m really more of a right brain person in general! I like writing, reading, creating, and self-help.  I’m not fond of accounting, systems, analysis or research. Yet there was something compelling about owning my own business and being my own boss. Looking back, I really think there are really 10 simple, not too left brain things I benefitted from or wish I would have known when I was a new entrepreneur.  I’m going to share 5 of them with you today.

1.  There are a lot of free resources out there. www.myownbusiness.org (just found this one! ),  Women’s Business Centers, SBA workshops, Innovation Centers, and other small business organizations and websites. But take care that you don’t overload yourself with information. I’ve been on information overload for a few years now and it can actually slow you down if you’re not careful. Only take in what you can read and use within 30 days.

2.  Business books abound! The top of my list of must reads includes The E-Myth Revisited by Michael Gerber, Linchpin or anything by Seth Godin, Multiple Streams of Income by Andrea J.  Lee, Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill and Good to Great by Jim Collins. Of course, your enjoyment of these books may be lesser or greater depending on what business you are in. Think of a book you’ve enjoyed and then go  Amazon.com and see what similar books were purchased by consumers of your favorite title.

 3.  Get a coach! Okay – I know I AM a coach so I’m a little biased but I truly believe in the value of coaching for new business owners, new coaches – anyone who’s considering a small business venture. I have had a coach and will always have a coach when I need to stretch myself to reach the next level.

 4. Find a mentor. There is tremendous value in sitting at the feet of someone who has been where you are and learned a lot from the process. One of my mentors recently passed away and I still miss popping by her house just to sit and listen to whatever she felt was important to share with me.  Mentors are generous souls who want to see you succeed. They suspend competitive beliefs and really help you on the journey.

 5. Select a method for tracking, noting, recording, posting, reminding, following up or whatever you have to do to succeed. I had no earthly idea how I was going to track leads. For a long time, I just kept a stack of business cards on my desk tied up in a rubber band! I guess I thought seeing the stack would trigger a follow up but it didn’t. You don’t have to spend a lot of money on software systems or consultants who give you what works for them. Start basic and use Excel spreadsheets or Access databases until you evolve into something larger and more specific to fit your needs.

So in the spirit of limiting informational overload, I’ll leave you with these to chew on and begin to implement. Stay tuned for the next installment and be sure to reach out if you’re stuck.  Sometimes asking for help is the last thing we do when it really should be first on the list!