I Have A Love/Hate Relationship With Social Media

I’ve been on Facebook for awhile. I don’t know how long. I originally balked at the idea of creating a page. (I was, however, an avid MySpace user. What ever happened to MySpace??)

My youngest daughter convinced me that it was a good idea because I would be able to see many current pictures of my kids and my granddaughter. She was a baby, so I am guessing I joined some time in 2007.

I signed up for a Twitter account in January, 2009. I only have a little over 800 followers. Clearly, I’m not consistent.

Instagram – April, 2012.

Pinterest – Lord knows when.

YouTube – Yep. I’m there too. Look at the last video. I’ve cut my hair five times since then! (I’m more active sharing books on this channel for sure. Maybe that’s where my spare time is going?)

The point is…I can’t keep up with all of this stuff and I don’t even try any more. And sometimes, it annoys the hell out of me.

I think social media brings out the best and the worst of us. Just like I believe that we generally carry a blend of the best and the worst of our parents around in our pocket. Sometimes the best qualities emerge. Sometimes, we default to those phrases, habits or behaviors that don’t represent us in a generous light.

In the past 10 or so years, I have watched social media users say things that they might never have said in a face-to-face conversation. It’s escalated to a point that makes me cringe. Hastags like #fakenews are usually inserted when someone decries a media post about one highly charged or sensitive topic or another. I’ve seen examples of the very worst of human nature and I often see more than one in a day.

So why am I still logging in to these sites and sharing/posting/liking/commenting?

Because there are more examples of things that bring me joy.
Because I want to share joy with others.
Because life is too short to criticize another person and too long not to lift someone up or encourage them along the pathway.
Because I am connected to my tribe in groups that let the rest of the ugly fall away.
Because, despite all the things I dislike about social media, there are memories captured in each place that are important to me.

Like the tweeted photo of the night I met Kristen Chenowith and she sang a song about Mississippi to us after we saw her perform in Promises Promises.

How about my first blog post ever about my daughter leaving for college on MySpace?

Photos of my son’s graduation from University of Alabama as a Paramedic.

The first glimpses at my granddaughters births shared on Facebook.

Shares of my mom crowned as Mardi Gras Queen at the assisted facility where she lived nearby.

My daughter-in-law’s growth as a mother and entrepreneur.

Special Olympics events where my oldest carried the torch and competed bravely.

Numerous dance competitions and awards won by my tiny dancer.

And the business accounts I’ve created for 4 Elements Coaching. My infrequent posts are now proof that I am busy enough that I don’t have time to blog, tweet, post and share as often as I might want to do.

So yes, I may get tired of the complaints and insults and #fakenews. And yeah, I’m pretty inconsistent. But the honest truth is I’ll probably be around for awhile. And sometimes you may find me in person and we can chat a bit IRL. Which for me is infinitely better than your comment or laughing emoji.

And maybe soon, I’ll have to hire someone or learn a complicated new batching system through sites like Hootsuite or Meet Edgar to be able to really be consistent and keep up with it all.  (Meet Edgar would be my choice just because it has a cool name!)

See ya around the Social Meeds! (cuz I’m hip like that).

 

 

Demons Bearing Gifts

In his book, Crisis Points: Working Through Personal Problems, author Julian Sleigh introduced me to the idea of demons who show up in our lives making us “shrink in fear and revulsion.” Yet they bear gifts hidden under their wings. “If we challenge them and make them yield up their gifts,” he says, “they will be satisfied and will fly away, leaving us to benefit from what they brought.”

If this is true, I met many demons last year and it took me awhile to make them show me the gifts. You may be wondering where I’ve been since last February. And, perhaps my biggest fear is that you are not. Maybe my posts and newsletters and calls were forgotten in the bustle of your own demons, triumphs and joys. And that’s as it should be, really. My demons belong to me – and yours to you. And for much of 2012, I couldn’t coach you or help you to share your fears because my own demons were circling like vultures, it seemed.

Last year began rather unexpectedly and dramatically for me and my family. My youngest daughter was hit by a young driver, resulting in a severe break at the ankle and the total loss of her car and her job. Months of surgeries and pain followed, and I worried about every aspect of her recovery. Simultaneously, another demon brought me the realization that my mother’s dementia and failing health would require an almost immediate move to assisted living. I worried that the house wouldn’t sell and that we wouldn’t be able to afford the right place. Later that summer, my oldest daughter broke her wrist – yet another surgery ensued! Federal funding cuts affected nonprofits that I serve daily. I slipped into a routine of reacting, fretting, doubting myself and fearing – oh the fearing!. By July, being on hyper alert to all of these issues began to take a toll on my physical and emotional health. It took me a few months, but by the end of the year, I came up and out of the darkness and demanded that all these demons yield their gifts to me. And there they were…

I was able to work when I could, as I could, without losing my income or the career that is so meaningful to me. My children recovered and found their own gifts in the pain and suffering. My mother adjusted to the move and I found that I enjoyed having her so close and can accept what her brain can offer at this stage of her life. I realized that if I ignore the emotional work that needs to be done and hope that it all goes away, it won’t. I read a lot of books and watched a lot of movies, but when they each ended, the problems were still there. If I try to continually live with reacting rather than responding, I eventually break down and need to nurture myself and heal. I’m not an adrenaline junkie anymore. Maybe it’s my age or maybe it’s just that I’m tired of it.

But when I do demand the gifts, I am surprised by joy and I see grace. I see those friends who loved me through the times I retreated to my room, forgetting to call or send a birthday card. I am loved by those family members who believe that what I could do in those moments was enough. My colleagues, clients, and teammates acknowledge my journey and wait for me to come back to myself. I forgive myself for not ‘achieving my goals’ or ‘committing to success.’ I just let it all go and reach for what is beautiful and comforting.

So this year, so far, the demons have been mostly at bay. For now. I am back to myself and back to work that I love in a way that pleases and delights me. I remember why I love coaching so much and have reconnected with old clients and welcomed new ones. There are still issues – some loom large on the horizon. But there is more good in my life than I can number.

This year will be filled with peace. How do I know? Because even when the demons swoop in, I know that they are carrying something that I desperately need. And only I have the ability to ask them to surrender it.

Surrender. Sounds like a beautiful state of being, doesn’t it?