Monthly Archives: January 2018

On Being Sensitive

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There are days that I wake up with a burst of energy and excitement to begin the day. Some days start with deep breaths and a quiet resolve and curiosity to begin the morning routine that will lead to a busy day. Other mornings are underwhelming – I don’t feel anything except the need to wake up and step out of bed.

But some days begin a bit differently. I wake feeling very sensitive to the condition of my mind, body and spirit. I feel like I am slogging through mud to get out of that bed, and when I do, I hear the familiar internal refrain, “I don’t feel good!” that I have carried with me since childhood. (Yes, I’m aware that it should be I don’t feel well, but it’s always been repeated in the way I heard my mother say it.) I check in to see if there is some physical manifestation of this statement.

I quickly turn on the coffee, hoping that the caffeine will kick in quickly. I begin journaling and realize I am a bit unenthusiastic, or maybe even on the verge of tears about something. Sometimes I know what that something is and sometimes I don’t. It sort of settles into my chest and heart like a dense fog.

I look to see how many client appointments I have scheduled and wonder if I am able to coach them effectively. Should I cancel? Am I going to cry all day? Or just feel melancholy?

When I was a child, I had no idea what was happening to me and why I would cry at the drop of a hat one day and leap into the sunshine the next. I worried that it was a mental illness, since we had a family history of same. Sometimes I blamed myself for not doing  God knows what to be a “normal human being.”

I now know that I am a “normal human being,” whatever that really means.  And some days, I am just highly sensitive.

I’m not sure I would go so far as to say that I am an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person – there’s a test here if you decide you want to take it), though I’m not saying I don’t believe that this is a thing. I’m just not crazy about embracing labels that might limit my beliefs about myself. But I will say that there are some days when sensitivity seems to take a seat in the front row right alongside of me. It lingers and gently forces unexpected and expected tears and generally takes a bit of time to work its way back out.

Are there triggers? Probably. Today it may be the sentencing in the Nassar case that brings up so many memories of victims I’ve worked with who looked just like Jade, Ariana, Rachel and the others. My clients felt the same sadness and anger and overwhelm those girls are feeling now. And yes, it probably brings up my own memories of sexual assault and healing, of the desire for justice and the inability to find the strength to call for it.

But sometimes there aren’t triggers. It’s just my way of being for a time. Sensitivity is part of my nature. And I’ve learned that if I embrace it, I can become a better coach, friend, mentor, parent and partner. If I bury it, resentment and anger and grief can overwhelm me and I’m paralyzed by what is now something much bigger than it needed to be.

What do I do when I’m being sensitive?

1) I name it and claim it.

2) I create some space for myself to lean into it and let the voices and feelings tell me what I need to hear today.  I give myself permission to be sensitive. What is the purpose sensitivity brings today? Sometimes it’s the same lesson and I just need a reminder or to see a new layer.  And sometimes, it’s something alltogether new.

3) Sometimes yoga helps. I can claim it and sit into it during poses like Goddess pose or Child’s post. Or I can sit in the sunlight. Or whatever I feel led to do.

 

 

 

4) I accept that it takes as long as it takes. I don’t worry about it changing me or limiting me. It’s not wrong and there’s aren’t any rules. (Unless it manifests into something that changes my quality of life for too long. Then I ask for help.)

5) I affirm and embrace the best part of myself that is aware of who I really am – my authentic core being – and feel grateful that I can open up a container – an hour, a day, a week – to do what I can for myself because there’s no use being anything else. It takes too much work to stuff things down or make them go away when they are absolutely a part of who we are.

For today, for however long, I will accept being sensitive. I can coach my clients and answer emails. I can make chili for a cookoff tonight and join my team in helping to serve the community in this event. I can breathe a lot and engage in acts of self care and self love. I can write this out, which may in turn help someone else who is struggling to give voice to how they are not “feeling good.”

Being sensitive is one of the best qualities I can carry each and every day. If I can allow sensitivity to be what it is inside of me, I can use it to be the best me I can be.

Instruments of Grace

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Recently, I posted on Facebook that I am reading Waking Up in Winter by Cheryl Richardson. In truth, I am listening to it on Audiobook, which is always nicer when it’s read by the author. I’m enjoying this book so far – it’s very different from her others because it’s a journaled memoir. At the start of the book, she mentions that her husband reminded her of her love for May Sarton’s journals, so she structured this new book in much the same way.

The added gift for me in all of this is that it reminded me of my own love of May Sarton’s journals and that I have had Journal of a Solitude in my Kindle library for quite awhile. I used to own Plant Dreaming Deep and lost my copy of it to the storm all those years ago. “Why haven’t I read this one yet?” I wondered to myself.

Fast forward a few days when I decide to pick up Journal of a Solitude while simultaneously reading Waking Up in Winter. Reading them both is a great way of caring for myself during this introspective time of the year. Lately, I’ve felt a yearning inside of me, but I wasn’t quite sure what I was longing for. Reading both of these books seemed like a good place to discover what’s been missing.

What these two memoirs have given me so far is a reminder to notice the beauty that is all around me. I can get very distracted by work, time commitments, and a desire to do all the things I want to do. And those distractions keep me from really noticing the silky golden beauty of my granddaughter’s hair or the perfect grace of my cat’s leap onto the couch just before he snuggles next to me.

While uncovering and re-positioning plants after the latest freeze, I noticed how the Jasmine’s leaves are still so shiny and was reminded that we will soon see the tiny buds of her flowers begin to show. ( I am so grateful she didn’t wither away during this cold winter we’ve been having.)

Mardi Gras is early this year, so I am delighted by social media photos of the vibrant colors on glorious Carnival ball gowns. And the familiar Zydeco music on my Pandora playlist begins to fill my office because I am ready to wake up a little myself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This morning I made a new chili recipe and I was happy to see the mix of yellow corn, red tomatoes and black beans. And the smell of Coriander and Cumin are all around me as I write this post.

I don’t like getting so caught up with the every day routine of life that I forget to notice and articulate the beautiful things that surround me.

Even before I recognized what was happening, I was drawn to the simple beauty of the blog, videos and Instagram photos of A Wooden Nest. Seeing the simple made wonderful in knitting a pair of socks or making a pot of oatmeal made me instantly connect with this woman’s work.

Once I connected with the realization that I was craving simple beauty, it all made sense. The journal memoirs, the videos and the enjoyment of being outside again after weeks and weeks of bitter cold weather – I needed to pay attention to all of it.

Noticing creates connections to those things I love – those things I am craving. Beauty brings me back to myself.

May Sarton said “Everything that slows us down and forces patience, everything that sets us back into the slow circles of nature, is a help. Gardening is an instrument of grace.”

So that’s my deeper intention for this little while – to slow down and force patience. To seek out the instruments of grace that surround me.

Now that I’ve opened my eyes, they won’t be hard to find.

The  Gratitude Jar for The Relationship (with ourselves and with others)

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A few months ago, a student mentioned to me that she was very excited about New Year’s Eve. I asked what special plans they had for the evening and she said it was very simple and low-key. “Each year, we put memories, thoughts or gratitudes into a big jar whenever we feel led to write them down, and we open it and read them on the last day of the year. We reflect on what went well and what we did together.”

This practice stayed in the back of my mind. Then the inviteCHANGE monthly webinar for January was on Incorporating Gratitude. When I hear something more than once, it’s time to pay attention to the lesson.

I’m pretty connected to gratitude as a daily practice, though it’s mostly in the form of gratitude journaling in my morning pages as well as noting the best parts of our day in a conversation that’s usually held during dinner time. But that can sometimes feel very routine.

Fast forward to my work with a relationship client and I mention that it might be helpful to start a Gratitude Jar. But, I suggest they not wait till the end of the year to take a look at it.

Several people in my life have begun this practice of capturing happy thoughts, memories, stories, etc. in a nearby jar. My daughter was gifted a Happy Memories jar by one of her co-workers. I immediately took advantage of her gift and stuck a note inside for her as well. She just takes one out when she feels like she needs or wants to read one the most.

So when I began writing this blog post, I really intended it to focus on how gratitude can improve our relationships with others. But frankly, beyond that, it really changes our own relationship with self – with awareness of what’s going well, which in turn leads us to moving into patterns that help us do well.

We can spend a lot of time complaining about what isn’t right or what doesn’t work. We can see examples of this in our own conversations with others, with social media conversations, in newspapers and on television.

Statements of gratitude help us to see that the world is a good place. That good things really do happen. We then, in turn, learn to see the good things more often, or at least AS often, as the not so good things.

It also helps us to remember what we are doing well, rather than always seeing those parts of us that we are most often critical about. We speak to self in ways we would never speak to friends or family. What if you picked one thing about your body, mind, spirit or character that you are grateful for every day? What if you noticed when you were kind to others or when you fulfilled a promise to do something for yourself? What if you said, “I am grateful for my work ethic – I showed up to work today even though I wanted to stay in bed and read a good book.”

Is it time for you to start a practice of self or relationship gratitude? Or if you already have a practice, is it time to add another component to it?

I’m looking for a pretty jar that can contain all the gratitude and happiness I can find. I’ll let you know when I find the perfect jar. But for now, I can start writing my gratitude on a tiny slip of paper right now.

Listen to the Rhythms of January

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Do you notice that January brings a desire to declutter, purge and re-organize your home, office and maybe even your car? If so, you’re not alone.

While the phrase “Spring Cleaning” is more popular than “January De-Cluttering,” this is a natural time for us to take stock and think about what we own, where we store it and whether it’s still relevant to our lives and our work.

If you’re feeling a desire to purge, declutter or re-organize, honor the feeling and do what you feel led to do. But don’t feel as though you have to do it all in one month. Listen to the natural rhythms that exist within your life and your climate. Maybe put an empty box by the back door and add to it when you find you can’t fit those coffee cups into the cabinet easily anymore. Or you discover some of the clothes you didn’t wear last year need to go to someone who will actually benefit from them this year.

December brings with it some gifts of food as well, making our bodies a bit overwhelmed. We often take stock of our eating and fitness habits during this time of year.

Winter is usually a time we draw inward and rest and reflect. So joining a gym and hitting it every day may be counterintuitive to your natural new year rhythms. Listen to what you feel like doing and think about when it may fit into your life. If you want to walk more, notice for a few days when you feel most like walking or moving your body a bit more. Track it for awhile and then see if that fits into your desired fitness schedule.

What would bring you comfort during this time of the year? Are you ready to create a sanctuary for the year ahead? A place that is visually stimulating and practical? Take one small step at a time and think first about which area of your life is pulling you with the strongest desire. Are you in need of warm baths with hot tea and a good book? Or do you feel like baking warm bread and sharing it with neighbors or friends.

What are you longing for?

Whatever is calling you, let it have a voice. When we connect with, listen to and honor our natural rhythms and desires, we are better for it.