On Being Sensitive

There are days that I wake up with a burst of energy and excitement to begin the day. Some days start with deep breaths and a quiet resolve and curiosity to begin the morning routine that will lead to a busy day. Other mornings are underwhelming – I don’t feel anything except the need to wake up and step out of bed.

But some days begin a bit differently. I wake feeling very sensitive to the condition of my mind, body and spirit. I feel like I am slogging through mud to get out of that bed, and when I do, I hear the familiar internal refrain, “I don’t feel good!” that I have carried with me since childhood. (Yes, I’m aware that it should be I don’t feel well, but it’s always been repeated in the way I heard my mother say it.) I check in to see if there is some physical manifestation of this statement.

I quickly turn on the coffee, hoping that the caffeine will kick in quickly. I begin journaling and realize I am a bit unenthusiastic, or maybe even on the verge of tears about something. Sometimes I know what that something is and sometimes I don’t. It sort of settles into my chest and heart like a dense fog.

I look to see how many client appointments I have scheduled and wonder if I am able to coach them effectively. Should I cancel? Am I going to cry all day? Or just feel melancholy?

When I was a child, I had no idea what was happening to me and why I would cry at the drop of a hat one day and leap into the sunshine the next. I worried that it was a mental illness, since we had a family history of same. Sometimes I blamed myself for not doing  God knows what to be a “normal human being.”

I now know that I am a “normal human being,” whatever that really means.  And some days, I am just highly sensitive.

I’m not sure I would go so far as to say that I am an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person – there’s a test here if you decide you want to take it), though I’m not saying I don’t believe that this is a thing. I’m just not crazy about embracing labels that might limit my beliefs about myself. But I will say that there are some days when sensitivity seems to take a seat in the front row right alongside of me. It lingers and gently forces unexpected and expected tears and generally takes a bit of time to work its way back out.

Are there triggers? Probably. Today it may be the sentencing in the Nassar case that brings up so many memories of victims I’ve worked with who looked just like Jade, Ariana, Rachel and the others. My clients felt the same sadness and anger and overwhelm those girls are feeling now. And yes, it probably brings up my own memories of sexual assault and healing, of the desire for justice and the inability to find the strength to call for it.

But sometimes there aren’t triggers. It’s just my way of being for a time. Sensitivity is part of my nature. And I’ve learned that if I embrace it, I can become a better coach, friend, mentor, parent and partner. If I bury it, resentment and anger and grief can overwhelm me and I’m paralyzed by what is now something much bigger than it needed to be.

What do I do when I’m being sensitive?

1) I name it and claim it.

2) I create some space for myself to lean into it and let the voices and feelings tell me what I need to hear today.  I give myself permission to be sensitive. What is the purpose sensitivity brings today? Sometimes it’s the same lesson and I just need a reminder or to see a new layer.  And sometimes, it’s something alltogether new.

3) Sometimes yoga helps. I can claim it and sit into it during poses like Goddess pose or Child’s post. Or I can sit in the sunlight. Or whatever I feel led to do.

 

 

 

4) I accept that it takes as long as it takes. I don’t worry about it changing me or limiting me. It’s not wrong and there’s aren’t any rules. (Unless it manifests into something that changes my quality of life for too long. Then I ask for help.)

5) I affirm and embrace the best part of myself that is aware of who I really am – my authentic core being – and feel grateful that I can open up a container – an hour, a day, a week – to do what I can for myself because there’s no use being anything else. It takes too much work to stuff things down or make them go away when they are absolutely a part of who we are.

For today, for however long, I will accept being sensitive. I can coach my clients and answer emails. I can make chili for a cookoff tonight and join my team in helping to serve the community in this event. I can breathe a lot and engage in acts of self care and self love. I can write this out, which may in turn help someone else who is struggling to give voice to how they are not “feeling good.”

Being sensitive is one of the best qualities I can carry each and every day. If I can allow sensitivity to be what it is inside of me, I can use it to be the best me I can be.

Instruments of Grace

Recently, I posted on Facebook that I am reading Waking Up in Winter by Cheryl Richardson. In truth, I am listening to it on Audiobook, which is always nicer when it’s read by the author. I’m enjoying this book so far – it’s very different from her others because it’s a journaled memoir. At the start of the book, she mentions that her husband reminded her of her love for May Sarton’s journals, so she structured this new book in much the same way.

The added gift for me in all of this is that it reminded me of my own love of May Sarton’s journals and that I have had Journal of a Solitude in my Kindle library for quite awhile. I used to own Plant Dreaming Deep and lost my copy of it to the storm all those years ago. “Why haven’t I read this one yet?” I wondered to myself.

Fast forward a few days when I decide to pick up Journal of a Solitude while simultaneously reading Waking Up in Winter. Reading them both is a great way of caring for myself during this introspective time of the year. Lately, I’ve felt a yearning inside of me, but I wasn’t quite sure what I was longing for. Reading both of these books seemed like a good place to discover what’s been missing.

What these two memoirs have given me so far is a reminder to notice the beauty that is all around me. I can get very distracted by work, time commitments, and a desire to do all the things I want to do. And those distractions keep me from really noticing the silky golden beauty of my granddaughter’s hair or the perfect grace of my cat’s leap onto the couch just before he snuggles next to me.

While uncovering and re-positioning plants after the latest freeze, I noticed how the Jasmine’s leaves are still so shiny and was reminded that we will soon see the tiny buds of her flowers begin to show. ( I am so grateful she didn’t wither away during this cold winter we’ve been having.)

Mardi Gras is early this year, so I am delighted by social media photos of the vibrant colors on glorious Carnival ball gowns. And the familiar Zydeco music on my Pandora playlist begins to fill my office because I am ready to wake up a little myself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This morning I made a new chili recipe and I was happy to see the mix of yellow corn, red tomatoes and black beans. And the smell of Coriander and Cumin are all around me as I write this post.

I don’t like getting so caught up with the every day routine of life that I forget to notice and articulate the beautiful things that surround me.

Even before I recognized what was happening, I was drawn to the simple beauty of the blog, videos and Instagram photos of A Wooden Nest. Seeing the simple made wonderful in knitting a pair of socks or making a pot of oatmeal made me instantly connect with this woman’s work.

Once I connected with the realization that I was craving simple beauty, it all made sense. The journal memoirs, the videos and the enjoyment of being outside again after weeks and weeks of bitter cold weather – I needed to pay attention to all of it.

Noticing creates connections to those things I love – those things I am craving. Beauty brings me back to myself.

May Sarton said “Everything that slows us down and forces patience, everything that sets us back into the slow circles of nature, is a help. Gardening is an instrument of grace.”

So that’s my deeper intention for this little while – to slow down and force patience. To seek out the instruments of grace that surround me.

Now that I’ve opened my eyes, they won’t be hard to find.

The  Gratitude Jar for The Relationship (with ourselves and with others)

A few months ago, a student mentioned to me that she was very excited about New Year’s Eve. I asked what special plans they had for the evening and she said it was very simple and low-key. “Each year, we put memories, thoughts or gratitudes into a big jar whenever we feel led to write them down, and we open it and read them on the last day of the year. We reflect on what went well and what we did together.”

This practice stayed in the back of my mind. Then the inviteCHANGE monthly webinar for January was on Incorporating Gratitude. When I hear something more than once, it’s time to pay attention to the lesson.

I’m pretty connected to gratitude as a daily practice, though it’s mostly in the form of gratitude journaling in my morning pages as well as noting the best parts of our day in a conversation that’s usually held during dinner time. But that can sometimes feel very routine.

Fast forward to my work with a relationship client and I mention that it might be helpful to start a Gratitude Jar. But, I suggest they not wait till the end of the year to take a look at it.

Several people in my life have begun this practice of capturing happy thoughts, memories, stories, etc. in a nearby jar. My daughter was gifted a Happy Memories jar by one of her co-workers. I immediately took advantage of her gift and stuck a note inside for her as well. She just takes one out when she feels like she needs or wants to read one the most.

So when I began writing this blog post, I really intended it to focus on how gratitude can improve our relationships with others. But frankly, beyond that, it really changes our own relationship with self – with awareness of what’s going well, which in turn leads us to moving into patterns that help us do well.

We can spend a lot of time complaining about what isn’t right or what doesn’t work. We can see examples of this in our own conversations with others, with social media conversations, in newspapers and on television.

Statements of gratitude help us to see that the world is a good place. That good things really do happen. We then, in turn, learn to see the good things more often, or at least AS often, as the not so good things.

It also helps us to remember what we are doing well, rather than always seeing those parts of us that we are most often critical about. We speak to self in ways we would never speak to friends or family. What if you picked one thing about your body, mind, spirit or character that you are grateful for every day? What if you noticed when you were kind to others or when you fulfilled a promise to do something for yourself? What if you said, “I am grateful for my work ethic – I showed up to work today even though I wanted to stay in bed and read a good book.”

Is it time for you to start a practice of self or relationship gratitude? Or if you already have a practice, is it time to add another component to it?

I’m looking for a pretty jar that can contain all the gratitude and happiness I can find. I’ll let you know when I find the perfect jar. But for now, I can start writing my gratitude on a tiny slip of paper right now.

Self Care for the Holidays

Today begins a series of blog posts about taking good care of yourself as you prepare for the holidays. And read all the way to the end to register for a free workshop on this topic!

Of all the times of the year, the holiday season can be one of the most busy and, therefore, stressful. We can take on a lot. We can have high expectations. We can encounter difficulties in relationships with others who are stressed and carrying high expectations.

One of the most joyful times of the year can often be fraught with sadness and disappointment.

Add in the fact that for some, the end of the year brings additional stresses at work as there can be more planning, more reporting, more covering for those who take time off and more.

So what can you do to prepare for the holiday season?

The first step is to be more mindful. If you are aware of what could get in the way or create more stress and overwhelm, you are more likely to respond to things rather than to react.

One of the ways I suggest becoming more mindful is to take a few moments to think about what you’d like your intention for the season to be.

Your intention is a statement or series of statements about how you’d like to feel while you are gathering with friends and family or engaging in holiday events. You can also incorporate how you would like others to feel in your intentions.

For example, you may want to feel joyful, relaxed and engaged with others. Perhaps you’d like your presence with your family to be felt as though you are connected to them, listening to them and enjoying your time with them. Maybe you’d like to be responsive to your needs and to the needs of others by giving and receiving love and joy.

Take a few moments to think about what your intention is this holiday season. At the end of 2017, what would you like to say about your holiday time?

Now, take a moment to cull your statement down to one main word. Maybe it’s Joy. Perhaps you want to feel Present. Or Connected. Write that word down on an index card or a piece of paper and put it somewhere you’ll see it every day. Maybe on your bathroom mirror or your refrigerator. Each time you see your intention, it will help you stay connected to it – to remember that this is the way you have decided you want to feel.

For extra help in this area, journal for a few moments each day and think of three ways in which you could realize that intention. Or at the end of each day, you may want to reflect back and think of ways in which you felt your word come to life that day and plan a few ways for the day ahead.

I’d love to hear what intentions you’ve created! Just comment on this blog post or on Facebook and let me know what you want this holiday season.

To help you with more self care tips for the holiday season, I’m hosting a free mini-workshop on Tuesday, November 14th at 8pm EST/7pm CST. This workshop will be delivered via conference call so you’ll need to register to get the call-in details.

You can register by emailing me at lauriejohnson@4elementscoaching.com with Register Me in the subject line.

Or go to our Contact Us page here on the website and put Self Care for the Holidays in the subject line and Register Me in the message.

Summer of Self Care – Day 31

You Matter 

We’ve been through 31 days of the Summer of Self Care together and covered 30 different topics or ideas for you to add to a regular self care plan. Of course, your self care plan will ebb and flow with the seasons, with the changes that show up in your life or with your health.

It is my deepest hope that you have benefitted from this program and will continually look at self care in a different way. Hopefully, practicing self care will become a daily habit for you. Maybe you have learned a lot about yourself and will continue to learn more as you engage in journaling and reflecting. Undoubtedly, you may have had difficulty practicing each prompt and that’s perfectly okay. One of the purposes of this month-long exercise was to create some regular self care time, but also some ideas for when you only have a moment to pop on a playlist or when you have an entire weekend that can be dedicated to a retreat.

The feedback I got from some of you affirms that self care is something that resonates with most of us. We all seem to be bouncing from one stressful thing to another busy thing and have difficulty focusing on what we really need to be centered and grounded.

Several posts stood out as most popular in our series – The art of saying no, dancing whenever you feel like it, creating Tech Free days, a day of play and the Comfort Bag were the favorites.

A couple of you emailed that you were sharing these ideas with your friends and found a Self Care Accountability Buddy, which will definitely help you as you continue to make self care a big part of your routine.

Caregivers, I hear you! I see you! I honor the work that you are doing for others and hope you will carve out a little space for yourself every single day. I encourage you to put yourself on the list – yes, there’s a lot going on and much of it is critical, unexpected and ever-changing. But if you don’t take care of yourself, you absolutely can’t take care of others.

For me personally, it was ironic and comforting that I started this Summer of Self Care at the same time we began a summer DIY flooring project. I needed to practice extreme self care often during this month as we learned how to install drop/lock flooring, learned how to respond to the discovery of an old water leak and some resulting mold in a half bath. I also got to spend lots of time with my granddaughter for her annual BacktoSchoolPalooza and realized that, for me, spending time with her is an act of self care. She reminds me to laugh and play and make time for the things that are important.

If you google self care or put self care in the search box on amazon.com, you will find a ton of resources, books and other items that will expand your knowledge on this topic. But I encourage you to listen to your intuition, your heart, your inner voice that carries all the wisdom you need to know what to do in each moment that you need care.

Every moment can be a moment of self care – that just takes awareness. Awareness of our thoughts, our words and the way we respond.

It was an honor to spend each day with you in self care practice. I wish you all the best as you continue on this journey of kindness, love and support for You. Not always Just for You, but always Including You. Because, as my sweet neighbor Barbara reminds all of us:

Summer of Self Care – Day 30

4 Elements of Success for Self Care

If you are familiar with my work at all, you know that I have created what I believe are 4 Elements for Success in almost every area of life. While this generally applies to work, family or specific goals people have set, it can absolutely apply to self care as well.

So my first question is – do you have a goal for your self care practice? Many people tell me that they want self care to be a daily activity for them, rather than being the first thing that gets tossed off their plate.

Perhaps you want to improve your health, your energy or create more time for exercise?

Some of you may be looking at ways in which you can practice daily self care while caregiving for an older parent, children or family members.

Maybe you want more balance in your life – to feel as though you’re connecting more to things you love to do when you’ve felt as though you’re working a great deal of the time.

Whatever the issue is, you can apply the 4 Elements to your Self Care Plan. Here they are, as applied to self care:

  • Create a Vision – Begin by creating an idea of what your ideal self care plan would look like. What would you be doing regularly that you are not doing now? What do you look like or feel like after you have put this plan into practice for 3 months, 6 months and beyond? What will you have that you don’t have now? Spend a few moments journaling about this so that you have a clear idea of what your regular self care practice will bring to you. Fill in the blank – “This is important to me because ______________________________.”
  • Belief – Develop a mindset that you can do this, rather than saying, “This never works…I always ____.” Yes, you may have some setbacks and yes, your self care may get put onto the back burner. But reinforcing the language you use with yourself will begin to create a belief or mindset that you can do it. Commit. Write down Affirmations for yourself. Use statements about your belief that are rooted in the present moment, not in the way you’ve behaved in the past. Be kind to yourself and believe in yourself the way you believe in others.
  • Make a Plan – I believe in the value of a carefully thought out plan, written down somewhere you can see it often. It doesn’t have to be complex; it can be as simple as writing down your 10 daily habits and posting them somewhere you can see them. You can add self care basics when you are traveling and can’t do those things you do in your daily routine. You might add strategies for self care when you’re sick or in the middle of big changes that cause added stress. From simple to complex, your written self care plan will help you stay on track.
  • Finally, consistent, focused Action on your vision and plan. The more you create routine self care action, the more likely you are to stick with it and feel as though you are coming from a place of centered, wholeness and wellness. That’s the goal, after all – to allow self care to create reserves in your life so that you show up with your best self.

Again, recognize that we all have difficult days and we may not always be where we want to be. But when we have a vision, belief, committed plan and we work that plan, we’re more likely to succeed in all areas of our life, even self care.

Self Care is Work Life Balance, if there is such a thing. Self care makes sure that your day doesn’t feel like a grind and that your reserves are full.

Make some time to incorporate these 4 Elements into your Self Care Plan today.

Summer of Self Care – Day 29

The Power of Music

On Day 6 of our Summer of Self Care series,  we talked about the value of Dance on our feeling of well being. Hopefully you took a Dance break that day and maybe a few days since.

Today, music takes the center of the stage in our mind as we learn about the value of incorporating music into your self care plan.

According to Jill Suttle, music is that medicine we need for so many things. Her blog post linked here give you five ways neuroscientists have discovered that music can improve your health. But the basic research shows this:

“Neuroscientists have discovered that listening to music heightens positive emotion through the reward centers of our brain, stimulating hits of dopamine that can make us feel good or even elated. Listening to music also lights up other areas of the brain — in fact, almost no brain center is left untouched — suggesting more widespread effects and potential uses for music.”

This article suggests that music is much more effective than medication or even exercise, though you can see that it improves your stamina in that regard as well.

Babies can be soothed instantly when hearing someone close to them sing or when music is played.

Music and Memory is a project I have long been excited about – here’s a glimpse of Henry and how music changed him in just a few moments. (To see more clips or watch the entire movie, search for Music and Memory: Alive Inside.) Music calmed my mother as she became aware of the dementia setting in and felt powerless to overcome it. We could instantly change her mood by playing her favorite CDs.

When I am feeling anxious, disconnected, stressed or unfocused, memory is the fastest and most effective way to practice self care and reconnect to what I need to concentrate or get calm. I play music almost all day while I work. Music can be accessed so easily these days on smart phones, tablets, and still on the good old fashioned radios in our cars, homes and offices. Anywhere you have access to the Internet, AM, FM or even on your television, you can find Music.

Today, add music to your self care plan. Create a Self Care Playlist for yourself or search Self Care Stations on Spotify. Yes! There are a lot of them!

Here’s another one of my favorites – you’re welcome!

Can’t Stop the Feeling

Summer of Self Care – Day 28

Self Care, Sickness, Stress and Change

When we are sick, stressed or in the middle of a great change, the need for self care often intensifies. Yet this is the very time we are seemingly unable to put our needs in front of the ever changing landscape unfolding in front of our eyes.

In particular, self care often changes greatly when we are sick, especially if we are also trying to juggle child care, work, other caregiving for family and more.

And when we’re knee deep in some sort of change or stressed to the max, it’s hard to remember to eat or take daily medications and/or vitamins, let alone make sure we are journaling, breathing, meditating or taking a daily walk.

Sometimes self care must be put on the back burner during these times when other priorities or concerns have intensified.  But don’t give it up all together.

Here are some things to consider:

  • Right now, what do I absolutely need the most to stay centered and grounded in my own self care?
  • What do I KNOW works for me as a quick, uplifting self care practice? (For me, it’s as simple as listening to music and I can find music almost anywhere.)
  • Who can I turn to for help and support?
  • What can I control at this moment? This helps you stay present and feel less anxious. Easier self care activities like deep breathing, stretching and walking are a small activity that you can control and practice quickly.
  • What can I plan to do for myself when this situation/crisis/illness is over?
  • Where am I holding tension? How can I release it?
  • Draft a quick emergency self care plan – think about what you need the most and can do easily.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When we are sick, we are often tempted to think about all the things that aren’t getting done and piling up on the list. This adds to our stress and anxiety and makes us feel like giving up. Here are some things you could add to your emergency self care plan –

  • Asking for help is a simple act of self care. Find a caregiver or someone who can help with work, child/parent care, etc. just for a little while.
  • If you’re sleeping through medication times, set a timer in your phone or other device to remind you.
  • Listen to music or watch funny movies or sitcoms.
  • Read peaceful or favorite books.
  • Meditate.
  • Make a cup of tea as often as you need one.
  • Read back over these self care posts and think of what you CAN do while you are on Pause

Remember – self care is an act of love and kindness and is especially during times when you are sick or in some type of chaotic change. Even good change can throw your routine into a place that doesn’t feel like it has room for self care. Make room for whatever you can, when you can. Self care will ebb and flow – just don’t let it recede completely.

Summer of Self Care – Day 27

Asking for Help

What makes asking for help so difficult? Why does it take people so long to ask for help?

We’ll get to that in a moment but let me just say this.

Asking for help is Self Care – plain and simple.

When others ask you for help, you may or not be physically or emotionally able to help them. And we’ve already learned the value of saying No in that situation.

But often we are afraid to ask for help because the person or persons we are asking may say no. But when you think about it, is that a personalized response or just an admission that they do not have the capacity to help at that time?

A No only helps us to understand who cannot help at that time and guides us to another person.

Maybe asking for help seems like a weakness – an admission that we can’t do everything ourselves. But we can’t always, can we? Realistically, can we live our whole lives without the support or input or assistance from another human being?

According to Laurie Leinwand in a great blog post, you gain three things by asking for help:

  • You gain the ability to move forward.Rather than staying “stuck,” you know how to proceed. Can you remember a time you hesitated in reaching out? Chances are you felt a certain degree of stress associated with this. You weren’t being as productive as you wanted to be. You may have felt foolish in not being sure of your next step. Not believing you could ask for help might have fueled symptoms of anxiety. That is, until you asked for help and felt the relief of finding out what you needed to know.
  • You gain the opportunity to collaborate.If you’ve been tasked with something to do independently, it’s best to try to do it on your own. But if you’re stymied, seeking advice or assistance gives someone the opportunity to share with you. While not everyone is able to say “yes,” people are often honored by the request. It means you admired their expertise or abilities enough to inquire.
  • You gain the opportunity to learn.Pay attention to who is willing to help and what they are willing to do for you. Really listen to strategies being communicated to you, and take notes so you don’t have to ask the same questions twice.

When you need help, ask yourself:

  • What cues are you getting from others that they are willing to help?
  • Where are you stuck and in need of moving forward?
  • When have you helped someone else and been honored to do so? Are you willing to accept that someone else wants to have that same feeling?
  • Would asking for help create a way forward today?

Here’s a Ted Talk that I absolutely LOVE and helps to demonstrate all these things in a way I can’t explain without Ramona’s help. This story is everything I believe about human kindness, radical collaboration and the ability to move forward in extremely difficult situations. Enjoy.

Summer of Self Care – Day 26

Retreat

Over the years, I have discovered the value of creating Retreat as a frequent self care practice.

When I use this work with clients, sometimes they think creating retreat is impossible because it involves going away and planning a bunch of activities. But retreat is just about stepping back and creating some nurturing space and time for yourself. Retreat might be a couple of hours, a half-day or an entire week.

In the past, when I have needed immediate and extreme self care, I have engaged in a half day retreat created on the fly. On one occasion, I made a pot of hot tea, pulled out some favorite magazines, lit some scented candles and put on a calming music station on Pandora. I spent a couple of hours being mindful of my breathing and surrendered to the peaceful calm retreat space I had created on my couch.

You certainly can create a more formal retreat by arranging to stay somewhere outside of your home and engage in spa treatments, a weekend of reading, hiking or eating food prepared by someone else.

Whatever works for you in the moment is what you need.

Be aware that sometimes when we get caught up in the idea of creating an away from home retreat, we put it off because other things like work and family responsibilities get in the way. In a coaching session many years ago, I vowed to my coach that I was going to go on a retreat to a favorite cabin in the woods after I moved my mom from Florida to Mississippi. Little did I realize how much was involved in acclimating her to the new space. I found myself consumed with visiting her daily, along with meetings with her care team. Before I knew it, six months had gone by and the favorite cabin in the woods was now closed permanently.

I’ve learned that creating retreat space could happen almost instantly if I changed my view of what a retreat had to include.

So here’s the bare bones basics of creating a Retreat:

  • Create intentional time for yourself completely dedicated to self care in whatever form that takes in the moment.
  • Do that by listening to the voice of your soul.

That’s it!

from Cheryl Richardson’s Self-Care Card Deck

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One of my favorite things to use for myself and my clients is a Self-Care card from a deck released by Cheryl Richardson. The Retreat card shown here is from that deck. I take a few deep breaths and pull a card for a client in a session or for myself once a week or so. Then I keep it propped up on my desk so that I am reminded of what I need to practice to achieve a greater sense of self care that week.

So today, start by thinking about what Retreat might look like for you. Pick a day or several days that you will devote to Retreat. Don’t wait too long!

Extra Credit –

You can create your own self care deck as well by thinking of those things that promote self care for you and creating a deck of cards. Or create a self care journal with lists of your favorite self care prompts and journaling entries when you need it most. You can continue to add to it as you begin to practice self care more often and add your favorites to the list.