The Only Things I Know To Say Right Now.

The impact of the recent murders of Breonna Taylor, Armaud Arbery and George Floyd has devasted our communities and our country, and returned many of us to memories of decades of discrimination, hatred, dehumanization and divisiveness.

As a child growing up in the Chicago area in the 60s, I remember feeling fear as I became aware of the hatred and violence building, as well as hope for those activists working to change laws that promoted equal rights.

As a White woman of privilege currently living in South Mississippi, I am frequently confronted with racist remarks and actions, clearly not about or against MY race. And they are becoming more frequent and overt than ever before. You see, many people think that because of the color of my skin, I will agree with them. It took me a long time to stop my jaw dropping “I don’t know what to say” reaction and move to the responses I choose now that signal to them that their comments are not okay. Unfortunately, I’ve had to create quite a mental library of responses to fit a number of different situations and comments. And honesty, I’m scared!! I’m afraid of their anger and hatred and I’m afraid I won’t “say it right” in response.

I was confronted head on by this systemic issue from the time I moved here. And now, it’s escalating and it’s time to effect permanent change. And yet, I am suffering from a limiting belief about whether this is truly possible in this country right now. Because I see all too clearly that this isn’t just a problem that exists in the South. It isn’t just my neighbor who is openly and verbally racist. It’s happening in neighborhoods where my sister, brother, nieces and cousins still live in Illinois, in Minnesota, in Florida, and in Arizona. It’s not just happening in my granddaughter’s school in Mississippi, but in the schools where my daughter teaches in New Orleans and where my niece and cousin work in Central Florida. It’s ingrained in the minds and reactions of so many people as they sit quietly in class or stand by silently while another student is bullied or called a name. And my son can run through his neighborhood without fear of being gunned down on the street, but some of his friends, neighbors and co-workers cannot.

And the response of our nation’s leader is doing more to incite violence than it is to promote peaceful resolutions, swift convictions, and equal representation.

As a White woman, I am certain that I am privileged. I see evidence of it every single day. And, I have power and a voice within that privilege. Yet often, like me, I feel that collectively, many many White people are outraged. And yet, there’s a pattern. I’ve fallen into it in the past as well.

We mourn. We post and write and speak and walk and donate and then…we go back to our privileged, lives and our work.

This movement will take more than a groundswell of actions. We must co-create sustainable change that will not find us going back to sleep while our Black sisters and brothers are being murdered.

In my business, I created what I think are the 4 Elements that can create success in almost any area of life and business. First, a Vision of what you want to accomplish.  Second, a Belief or mindset that it’s possible. Third, a Plan for how to get there and Fourth, Focused, Consistent Action.  

I am calling myself and others to this work –

First, to envision a country where racism is called out,  condemned and prosecuted consistently and our history of oppression isn’t “celebrated,” (as it is still here in the South) but is a thing of the past. And that what we celebrate is our commitment and collective partnerships to end (and continually address and discuss) racial injustice once and for all. That one day, we will celebrate our Days of Freedom, rather than our days of violence and hate.

Second, I’m having a little trouble with the Belief part right now. But many of you are helping me every day as I watch you walking, protesting, watching and reading about Black History. Speaking out in all forms. Flying a new flag in Mississippi. Creating Listening stations and much more. Please help me (and let me help you) get to the part where we BELIEVE we can end what seems like a cavernous pit of hatred and violence.

Third, I’m looking for those leaders and organizations who can come together with a Plan. I’m not seeing that yet.

Solopreneurs like myself are asking each other how we can work together and I know that we will figure that out soon.

Fourth, I will engage in focused consistent and daily actions. I see more hope here than I have before. I see policemen and women taking a knee at protests. I’ve seen companies express their commitment of support, dollars and resources, and denouncing racism and violence. I’ve seen universities pull scholarships after seeing racists videos posted by prospective students. And employers terminate workers after discovering their intolerant and hateful behaviors.

Here’s what is the beginning of my part in this area. For a long long time, I have practiced morning journaling pages daily, and I have an ending “process” for each writing session. I ask myself – what did I do the previous day to engage in Creativity, Self-Care and Learning. Then I list a number of things I am grateful for.

Starting now, I will add another area to reflect – what did I do yesterday to promote justice and equality for people of color? What’s happened in the world to unite people of color that I am grateful for today.

To all my Black friends and neighbors, colleagues and community leaders, victims of crime and their families, and especially to all of the children who are so very scared right now:

I’ve made mistakes in the past and I am so very sorry for them. I have said insensitive and racist things. I have been ignorant of the toll this is taking, and of the million big and tiny ways you are shattered inside every day. Of how resilient you have had to become as a result.

And today, tomorrow and every day,

I see you.

I hear you.

I stand with you.

I will fight for you and with you.

I am your Ally.

Laurie

 

 

 

An End of Year Ritual

These last few days of the year are some of my favorites! I spend a lot of time looking ahead and planning what I want to accomplish in the new year. I also spend some time intentionally reviewing the past year and what I want to celebrate and making a list of what I am grateful for. On the flip side, I also make a list of what I want to let go. Weather permitting, (it’s a pretty bleak and rainy day!) I will engage in a favorite ritual.  At some point after dark, I’ll build a fire in the fire pit tonight to release the list of gratitudes and the list of things I need to let go of before the clock strikes midnight. I’ve been writing them down for a few weeks now.

This year was an epic year for me. I’m celebrating a couple of major shifts and changes:

  • I realized a significant increase in the number of clients and in my yearly income.
  • I enrolled in an advanced coach development training program that was absolutely phenomenal.
  • I became a Certified Infinite Possibilities trainer, and subsequently achieved Trailblazer status.
  • I spent a few days in Maui, delivering my first Infinite Possibilities Training.
  • We completed an office re-do that has greatly improved my work flow and organization.
  • I started and finished my first 1/2 marathon.

I’m grateful to all the people who helped and supported me along the way as I achieved these goals. It’s been an amazing year of connections with others, those I’ve known for awhile and some that are brand new to me.

Now for what I’m letting go of:

  • My attachment to place.
  • My attachment to time and the way I use it.
  •  Clutter – both inside my mind and in my environment.
  • Lingering negative beliefs about money.
  • Feeling out of balance, which at times, caused me to unconsciously put limits on my capacity.
  • My feelings of inadequacy.
  • That Perfectionista that lives inside of me and tells me I’m not enough if I’m not perfect.

I’ve worked hard this year, but much of the time, it felt effortless and authentic. My independence as an entrepreneur is something I treasure. So above everything, I’m celebrating that I can begin 2019 still in business! And that I have a bright, shiny new year, with all the possibility it can bring.

You may remember one of my favorite passages to read at this time of year. It comes from a favorite book of daily inspiration – Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy by Sarah Ban Breathnach.

“…but time is the New Year’s bountiful blessing: three hundred sixty-five bright mornings and starlit evenings; fifty-two promising weeks; twelve transformative months full of beautiful possibilities; and four splendid seasons. A simply abundant year to be savored.” 

 

May 2019 bring you all that you desire and are willing to choose.

 

The Possibilities are…Infinite

A few months ago, I was sitting on the couch in my library, writing email copy or a blog post. I saw a notification of an email from Mike Dooley, “the Universe guy,” about a training in New Orleans.

Now, I’ve been a fan of Mike Dooley’s for a very long time. I’ve subscribed to his Notes From The Universe for probably ten years. I give away the small book versions as gifts quite often. I even had an opportunity to see him speak live once and it was an amazing experience.

I clicked to read the email and I did something I almost never do. I decided within moments to submit a registration for this event.

I didn’t think about it much or try to talk myself out of it or into it. I felt the excitement grow as I read through the description and then automatically started typing and CLICK!  I knew it was meant for me, right here in the area near where I live – right now as I am shaping this business into exactly what I want it to be.

As the days approached for me to leave, I did start to think, “Wow. What if this isn’t all you want it to be? What made you just say yes so fast? You didn’t even really think this through!!” I started to worry about parking, whether to uber back and forth, what to wear. What if I became anxious and introverted Laurie resisted interacting with others?

What happened when I got there was an instant knowing that I was in the right place for the right reasons with the right people. I signed in and then headed out for a quick dinner. Someone walked into the restaurant and I saw her name badge. “Would you like to join me?” I asked. She did and she was amazing. A yoga teacher from California named Frances, like my mother.

And then it began. This wasn’t a training based on his material and created/delivered by someone else. This was a hands-on experience led by Mike Dooley himself. There were previously certified trainers who genuinely showed up just to inspire us and cheer us on.  They played the same music I play on my morning playlist. They laughed and danced and cheered and motivated and shared deeply personal stories of their own journey to creating the life they want to live. It was joyful.

I realized that these are my people. I was in a large meeting room surrounded by people I’d never met who were suddenly not strangers at all. They were instantly a part of my tribe.

There was a ton of information and resources to replicate this training here in person, online or on a retreat. Because like-minded lovely people filled my space, I felt loved and accepted and enough. (Because if you’re like me, you’ve probably been to a training or two where this is NOT how you feel at the end of the day.)

So day two, Frances says “Hey! What if we did a retreat together on Mykonos Island? Or Maui? We can combine it with yoga and mindfulness practice!” Yes! Absolutely Yes!

The possibilities seemed….well….Infinite.

Which isn’t surprising since the training is based on his best-selling book, Infinite Possibilities: The Art of Living Your Dreams.

So stay tuned, my faithful adventurers. We’re going to do great things together. And we might just be doing them while enjoying a stunning view.

The  Gratitude Jar for The Relationship (with ourselves and with others)

A few months ago, a student mentioned to me that she was very excited about New Year’s Eve. I asked what special plans they had for the evening and she said it was very simple and low-key. “Each year, we put memories, thoughts or gratitudes into a big jar whenever we feel led to write them down, and we open it and read them on the last day of the year. We reflect on what went well and what we did together.”

This practice stayed in the back of my mind. Then the inviteCHANGE monthly webinar for January was on Incorporating Gratitude. When I hear something more than once, it’s time to pay attention to the lesson.

I’m pretty connected to gratitude as a daily practice, though it’s mostly in the form of gratitude journaling in my morning pages as well as noting the best parts of our day in a conversation that’s usually held during dinner time. But that can sometimes feel very routine.

Fast forward to my work with a relationship client and I mention that it might be helpful to start a Gratitude Jar. But, I suggest they not wait till the end of the year to take a look at it.

Several people in my life have begun this practice of capturing happy thoughts, memories, stories, etc. in a nearby jar. My daughter was gifted a Happy Memories jar by one of her co-workers. I immediately took advantage of her gift and stuck a note inside for her as well. She just takes one out when she feels like she needs or wants to read one the most.

So when I began writing this blog post, I really intended it to focus on how gratitude can improve our relationships with others. But frankly, beyond that, it really changes our own relationship with self – with awareness of what’s going well, which in turn leads us to moving into patterns that help us do well.

We can spend a lot of time complaining about what isn’t right or what doesn’t work. We can see examples of this in our own conversations with others, with social media conversations, in newspapers and on television.

Statements of gratitude help us to see that the world is a good place. That good things really do happen. We then, in turn, learn to see the good things more often, or at least AS often, as the not so good things.

It also helps us to remember what we are doing well, rather than always seeing those parts of us that we are most often critical about. We speak to self in ways we would never speak to friends or family. What if you picked one thing about your body, mind, spirit or character that you are grateful for every day? What if you noticed when you were kind to others or when you fulfilled a promise to do something for yourself? What if you said, “I am grateful for my work ethic – I showed up to work today even though I wanted to stay in bed and read a good book.”

Is it time for you to start a practice of self or relationship gratitude? Or if you already have a practice, is it time to add another component to it?

I’m looking for a pretty jar that can contain all the gratitude and happiness I can find. I’ll let you know when I find the perfect jar. But for now, I can start writing my gratitude on a tiny slip of paper right now.