Category Archives: Change Your Thoughts

The Only Things I Know To Say Right Now.

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The impact of the recent murders of Breonna Taylor, Armaud Arbery and George Floyd has devasted our communities and our country, and returned many of us to memories of decades of discrimination, hatred, dehumanization and divisiveness.

As a child growing up in the Chicago area in the 60s, I remember feeling fear as I became aware of the hatred and violence building, as well as hope for those activists working to change laws that promoted equal rights.

As a White woman of privilege currently living in South Mississippi, I am frequently confronted with racist remarks and actions, clearly not about or against MY race. And they are becoming more frequent and overt than ever before. You see, many people think that because of the color of my skin, I will agree with them. It took me a long time to stop my jaw dropping “I don’t know what to say” reaction and move to the responses I choose now that signal to them that their comments are not okay. Unfortunately, I’ve had to create quite a mental library of responses to fit a number of different situations and comments. And honesty, I’m scared!! I’m afraid of their anger and hatred and I’m afraid I won’t “say it right” in response.

I was confronted head on by this systemic issue from the time I moved here. And now, it’s escalating and it’s time to effect permanent change. And yet, I am suffering from a limiting belief about whether this is truly possible in this country right now. Because I see all too clearly that this isn’t just a problem that exists in the South. It isn’t just my neighbor who is openly and verbally racist. It’s happening in neighborhoods where my sister, brother, nieces and cousins still live in Illinois, in Minnesota, in Florida, and in Arizona. It’s not just happening in my granddaughter’s school in Mississippi, but in the schools where my daughter teaches in New Orleans and where my niece and cousin work in Central Florida. It’s ingrained in the minds and reactions of so many people as they sit quietly in class or stand by silently while another student is bullied or called a name. And my son can run through his neighborhood without fear of being gunned down on the street, but some of his friends, neighbors and co-workers cannot.

And the response of our nation’s leader is doing more to incite violence than it is to promote peaceful resolutions, swift convictions, and equal representation.

As a White woman, I am certain that I am privileged. I see evidence of it every single day. And, I have power and a voice within that privilege. Yet often, like me, I feel that collectively, many many White people are outraged. And yet, there’s a pattern. I’ve fallen into it in the past as well.

We mourn. We post and write and speak and walk and donate and then…we go back to our privileged, lives and our work.

This movement will take more than a groundswell of actions. We must co-create sustainable change that will not find us going back to sleep while our Black sisters and brothers are being murdered.

In my business, I created what I think are the 4 Elements that can create success in almost any area of life and business. First, a Vision of what you want to accomplish.  Second, a Belief or mindset that it’s possible. Third, a Plan for how to get there and Fourth, Focused, Consistent Action.  

I am calling myself and others to this work –

First, to envision a country where racism is called out,  condemned and prosecuted consistently and our history of oppression isn’t “celebrated,” (as it is still here in the South) but is a thing of the past. And that what we celebrate is our commitment and collective partnerships to end (and continually address and discuss) racial injustice once and for all. That one day, we will celebrate our Days of Freedom, rather than our days of violence and hate.

Second, I’m having a little trouble with the Belief part right now. But many of you are helping me every day as I watch you walking, protesting, watching and reading about Black History. Speaking out in all forms. Flying a new flag in Mississippi. Creating Listening stations and much more. Please help me (and let me help you) get to the part where we BELIEVE we can end what seems like a cavernous pit of hatred and violence.

Third, I’m looking for those leaders and organizations who can come together with a Plan. I’m not seeing that yet.

Solopreneurs like myself are asking each other how we can work together and I know that we will figure that out soon.

Fourth, I will engage in focused consistent and daily actions. I see more hope here than I have before. I see policemen and women taking a knee at protests. I’ve seen companies express their commitment of support, dollars and resources, and denouncing racism and violence. I’ve seen universities pull scholarships after seeing racists videos posted by prospective students. And employers terminate workers after discovering their intolerant and hateful behaviors.

Here’s what is the beginning of my part in this area. For a long long time, I have practiced morning journaling pages daily, and I have an ending “process” for each writing session. I ask myself – what did I do the previous day to engage in Creativity, Self-Care and Learning. Then I list a number of things I am grateful for.

Starting now, I will add another area to reflect – what did I do yesterday to promote justice and equality for people of color? What’s happened in the world to unite people of color that I am grateful for today.

To all my Black friends and neighbors, colleagues and community leaders, victims of crime and their families, and especially to all of the children who are so very scared right now:

I’ve made mistakes in the past and I am so very sorry for them. I have said insensitive and racist things. I have been ignorant of the toll this is taking, and of the million big and tiny ways you are shattered inside every day. Of how resilient you have had to become as a result.

And today, tomorrow and every day,

I see you.

I hear you.

I stand with you.

I will fight for you and with you.

I am your Ally.

Laurie

 

 

 

Remember Your Worth

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As you know if you’re a regular reader of this blog, I practice morning pages each day. Three pages of long-hand journaling in a notebook, pouring out ideas, fears, criticisms, to-dos and just a general brain dump on many days.

Each day though, I purposefully end the morning pages with two things – an intention for the day and a list of things I am grateful for. Sometimes the intention is created out of necessity. I may be working on a project I’ve been putting off, so my intention is Diligence. Or, I am anxious about something so my intention becomes Peace. I design intentions to fit what I need in that moment or that day.

But sometimes, I am delighted to summon my intention from deep within. I have nothing top of mind and I allow my authentic self to create the intention based on that intuitive knowing of exactly what I need.

Today, my intention was just that. It came to me before I even asked or considered what it might be. And it was

REMEMBER YOUR WORTH 

When it came to my mind, I realized it was exactly what I need today. Maybe for a few days, as a matter of fact.

I’ve been preparing to facilitate a training I’ve never done before. At the same time, I am struggling with a project that isn’t coming together as easily as I’d hoped and believed it would. My doubts about myself cloud my mind and thoughts that aren’t particularly kind swirl in and out of my consciousness. I feel inner turmoil, criticism, anxiety, sadness and above all, self-doubt.

Someone very close to me has reminded me frequently that I am a great trainer. That I am very powerful when I am ‘in my element.’ And I do get energy from training and facilitating a growth mindset for clients. In other words, she’s been telling me to Remember My Worth.

And now, my essential self is telling me too.

It’s time to pay attention and remember all those times I HAVE succeeded in facilitating a training I’ve never done before. And I HAVE pulled off a project at the last minute – time and time again. I have all the tools and resources I need to be successful. I have a strong WHY for all of the things I am currently doing – and the why is bigger than me. It touches so many others and creates a ripple effect as it all launches and flows into the lives of others, many lives that are unknown to me. And that makes me very happy.

So what comes up for you when you see those words

What is it about you that is worth more than you realize? What do others tell you that you often can’t integrate into your own belief and possibility?

Reach back today and think about the times in your life that you have succeeded time and time again at something. Especially if that something still causes you to doubt yourself or feel anxious about what you are longing to do.

When you feel the weight of something, remember your worth.

When you question whether you can do something, remember your worth.

When you feel hopeless, remember your worth.

It’s there. It runs in your subconscious.

You just have to call it and let it stay, like a faithful friend.

The Possibilities are…Infinite

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A few months ago, I was sitting on the couch in my library, writing email copy or a blog post. I saw a notification of an email from Mike Dooley, “the Universe guy,” about a training in New Orleans.

Now, I’ve been a fan of Mike Dooley’s for a very long time. I’ve subscribed to his Notes From The Universe for probably ten years. I give away the small book versions as gifts quite often. I even had an opportunity to see him speak live once and it was an amazing experience.

I clicked to read the email and I did something I almost never do. I decided within moments to submit a registration for this event.

I didn’t think about it much or try to talk myself out of it or into it. I felt the excitement grow as I read through the description and then automatically started typing and CLICK!  I knew it was meant for me, right here in the area near where I live – right now as I am shaping this business into exactly what I want it to be.

As the days approached for me to leave, I did start to think, “Wow. What if this isn’t all you want it to be? What made you just say yes so fast? You didn’t even really think this through!!” I started to worry about parking, whether to uber back and forth, what to wear. What if I became anxious and introverted Laurie resisted interacting with others?

What happened when I got there was an instant knowing that I was in the right place for the right reasons with the right people. I signed in and then headed out for a quick dinner. Someone walked into the restaurant and I saw her name badge. “Would you like to join me?” I asked. She did and she was amazing. A yoga teacher from California named Frances, like my mother.

And then it began. This wasn’t a training based on his material and created/delivered by someone else. This was a hands-on experience led by Mike Dooley himself. There were previously certified trainers who genuinely showed up just to inspire us and cheer us on.  They played the same music I play on my morning playlist. They laughed and danced and cheered and motivated and shared deeply personal stories of their own journey to creating the life they want to live. It was joyful.

I realized that these are my people. I was in a large meeting room surrounded by people I’d never met who were suddenly not strangers at all. They were instantly a part of my tribe.

There was a ton of information and resources to replicate this training here in person, online or on a retreat. Because like-minded lovely people filled my space, I felt loved and accepted and enough. (Because if you’re like me, you’ve probably been to a training or two where this is NOT how you feel at the end of the day.)

So day two, Frances says “Hey! What if we did a retreat together on Mykonos Island? Or Maui? We can combine it with yoga and mindfulness practice!” Yes! Absolutely Yes!

The possibilities seemed….well….Infinite.

Which isn’t surprising since the training is based on his best-selling book, Infinite Possibilities: The Art of Living Your Dreams.

So stay tuned, my faithful adventurers. We’re going to do great things together. And we might just be doing them while enjoying a stunning view.

How One Little Word (or Three) Guides My Path

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One of my favorite quotes from a favorite book.

As 2017 winds down to an end, I realize again how much I love this transition from the old to the new. Everything seems fresh and possible to me. A new year, a new day, a new hour. Everything that’s old is new again.

Honestly, the eve of the new year is one of my favorite days. Not because I like to go out to parties or even that I am likely to ring in the new year in any special way. Sometimes we don’t even stay up till midnight! It’s really because I am standing at the doorway to new beginnings.

I have a practice of choosing one word that will guide my actions, my thoughts and my behaviors during the year. Last year was “Simplicity.” I found that I purged, created better flow, looked for ways to let go of things, people and thoughts that were no longer serving me. The year before, my one little word was Brave, and I stretched myself out of my comfort zone time and time again, creating a sense that I just needed to honor that intention, and the rest would fall into place.

This year, my one little word is Create. In fact, I have a bit of a formula attached to it this year. So actually, it’s three little words:

Connect. Engage. Create.

The process, as I am envisioning it, begins with Connecting to my authentic self. The true longing of my soul. The inherent skills and talents I possess. My creative trio – mind, body and spirit.

Then, I Engage all of those aspects of myself as I connect to them. I call them to life. Summon all the best I have to offer in whatever it is I am designing.

Then the Creation begins – whether I have a plan of exactly what, why and how or whether there’s an end result I am looking for but have no idea how I will get there. For me, creating sometimes begins with knowing nothing. And sometimes, I have a clear sense of exactly what I am trying to achieve.

It’s hard for me to imagine what all I can accomplish with this word as my touchstone this year!

I encourage my clients to come up with one little word to guide their year as well. As a coach, I find that setting an intention for the year helps my clients move into the habits, opportunities and behaviors they are looking to practice or design.

Want to give it a try? It’s very simple. Just ask yourself – what’s your one little word for the year?

(Ali Edwards is a creative entrepreneur and has designed an entire course on the concept of creating One Little Word each year. You can find her work in this area here.)

 

 

When someone changes your life, you honor them.

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Years ago, a girl who worked with me introduced me to the work of a woman named Louise Hay. Linda was leaving our company and I remember going to Barnes and Noble to buy her a going away gift of some of Louise’s books, because she often talked about how much her work had helped her. Even after that endorsement, I wouldn’t take a real look at anything Louise had written for years.

I can’t exactly recall how it happened, but I was reminded of her again just before or just after I discovered the idea that coaching might be a way for me to move forward after Katrina.  First, someone else I knew said, “Have you read anything by Louise Hay?” And then a few weeks later, my first coach quoted Louise in a session. She then told me that Louise had an online radio station called Hay House Radio and it featured a coach whose work I also admired, Cheryl Richardson, and a guy whose work I had discovered in college named Wayne Dyer. She said, “If you’re willing to take a look at this, let’s talk about it next week and how it might speak to your current dissatisfaction with what you’re doing.”

To say I looked is an understatement. I devoured Hay House Radio and ordered one of her books. I downloaded podcasts featuring all of them and listened whenever I was in the car. They all said things I had no doubt heard before, but that at a time that I wasn’t really listening the way I was then. I was ready. It was time to change my thoughts and to change my life.

Where I am today in my work and in my beliefs about myself are like night and day. My thoughts aren’t perfectly positive every day – in fact, far from it! I’m just more aware of them most days. Some days are still crumple and cry days for sure. But I’m always moving forward…always equipped with this one key to success. Thoughts are things. What you think about comes about. Because when you change your thoughts, you change the way you feel. And when you change the way you feel, your level of self love, happiness, presence, and belief and hope changes the way everything else unfolds for you.

I’d heard these concepts in church when I was a child, but the way these teachers described these concepts made it all connect for me. It wasn’t woo woo or metaphysical to me, but a practical application of the same principles that had been written and practiced by thought leaders, disciples, priests and kings.

I began gratitude journaling daily. I repeated daily affirmations as a way of taking what I used to think of as prayer into a whole new level. I learned that believing something could happen was the first step, followed by actions, and then miracles would follow. And they have.

Wayne died two years ago yesterday, leaving behind a legacy of written and spoken words.

Louise died yesterday at the age of 90. Exactly two years to the day after we lost Wayne. They were colleagues, friends, and faithful supporters of each other’s work. I can’t imagine their joy at being reunited again.

If you’ve never picked up one of Louise’s books (or Wayne’s)  or listened to one of her audio or video presentations, I encourage you to do so. Her life story is incredible to hear.

But today, I just want to take a moment to use my words to honor a woman I never met and to be grateful for all that she was to me. To say that she changed my life is also an understatement. My 4 Elements for Success are based on these principles that I learned and used to create my business. I wouldn’t be where I am today, sitting on my couch in a home that is perfect for me doing work that I love more than anything I’ve ever done, without the wisdom this woman shared with me and with the world.

 

I’ve never seen a rule book about meditation.

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This is Part One of a series of posts about decluttering your mind, your time and your stuff. If you have a topic about time ownership, organizing, mindfulness or whatever comes to mind, I’ll take a shot at covering it. Just comment below.

During the start of a year, I really like thinking of processes and systems that will help me organize my mind, my time and my stuff. My mind often feels more crowded than my planner or my office cabinets. I work with clients a lot around decluttering their minds. And my own coach helps me get rid of the thoughts that are crowding in or limiting me.

Whenever I am coached around mindfulness, I get that nagging thought that rears up it’s judgemental, tilted little head. “You know how important meditation is to success and well-being? Why aren’t you doing it every day, Laurie?”

I do meditate – probably more frequently than a lot of people do. I just have this sense that I would be better off if I meditated every single day. And as much as I love meditation, it does feel difficult to keep up a daily practice. I try to remember how I created dedicated time for my morning pages ritual all those years ago. What makes me automatically get up, make the coffee, and begin journaling every single day of my life, but stops me from moving into a few moments of meditation right after? How can this be so difficult for me when it seems so simple?

I think the answer is because I am making it so difficult. I complicate the idea of meditating with the notion that I have to do it in a particular way, or for a defined length of time. I believe I have to be alone, sitting comfortably, free of any distraction from my partner or my dogs. (Okay, maybe I do need to be away from Agnes, but…) I can’t meditate if my neighbor has workers sawing on something, right? Lots of dos and don’ts there.

And then my mind travels to, “It should be at LEAST 5 minutes. And you really should do yoga first.” I hate it when I should on myself.

The truth is, I could just take 60 seconds after I finish my morning pages and do some deep breathing. And that 60 seconds might expand into 5 minutes one day. And that 5 minutes might expand into 15 minutes plus yoga. Or it might not. Ever. It might just stay at 60 seconds. But isn’t that still meditation?

Meditation doesn’t have to include big, plushy floor pillows, an altar with incense or a chime that signals the start and end of the practice. I don’t have to go to Bali to begin or even get up off the couch I journal on each day. I’ve never seen a rule book about meditation. There might be one, I suppose. But I doubt it.

My meditation time just has to include two things:

1) Me
2) Meditation

I think I’ll start meditating right after I finish typing this post. Why wait till tomorrow morning?

 

 

Just Five Minutes – Visualize what you want to accomplish!

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To accomplish great things we must first dream, then visualize, then plan… believe… act!

Alfred A. Montapert

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today’s Just Five Minutes assignment is about visualizing what it is you are trying to accomplish. I believe it’s important to use visualization because it helps you create a mindset, or a belief, that you can succeed. You know – that’s one of my 4 Elements for Success!

In today’s video, I am sharing why I think this works, and it’s not just because I’ve experienced it first hand. I’ve seen many clients use it as well to land the job they were seeking, to succeed as entrepreneurs or to experience those bucket list items they have dreamed about.

I’ve used it not just to sell a house, but to buy the house I am writing this blog post in right now.  I saw myself working in this very business, in this very office almost six years ago today. Visualization helps you to align your thoughts and beliefs so that inspirational ideas and the right people and circumstances all come together to achieve your goal.

Visualization itself isn’t enough. Don’t forget there are 3 other elements to success. But it’s a fun and easy way to help you get there.

If you have questions or need more help along the way, just reach out and ask.

Here’s to your success!

Just Five Minutes – Visualize Your Success

My One Little Word

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This is the second year I have chosen a word to guide me throughout the year. I first heard about this from my scrapbooking friends – One Little Word is a class taught by Ali Edwards, who is kind of a big deal in those circles. While I haven’t taken the class, I like the idea of creating a personal ‘word’ and reflecting back on it all year.

So this year, I hadn’t yet settled on a word when my world was rocked. On January 8th, my part-time position with a national nonprofit was suddenly eliminated. We had gone through a restructuring the year before, and I was still hanging in. So admittedly, I was surprised when my grip was loosened. Stunned. Felt the floor shifting under my feet. It was a great job and I thought I would be with that company until I retired. Surprise! Not so. Nope. Not today.

When I regained my footing and got some clarity, I created my one little word for 2016. It is:

 

BRAVE

 

I realized I was going to have to make sure this business of mine brought in a full time income, rather than a part-time one. It mattered now whether I had clients who stayed with me, new clients to replace the old and tax money put aside all along the way rather than at the end of the year. My fears and anxieties would have to be pushed aside or dealt with in order to do my best at this and be successful.

What fears do I have? Oh there are a lot of them. I would tell you about all of them, but that would give them voice and I try not to let them talk a lot. It’s easier that way. But here’s an example.

A lot of people who know me know that I am an introvert by nature. Yes, I can act as if I am an extrovert, but at my core, being alone and coaching people one-to one energizes and delights me. Networking? I don’t Prefer it. But I learned long ago to tolerate it. Some days, I even embrace it.

Let’s just say, I chose this word and then what happened?

  • Embrace networking? Enter new clients who bring me weekly opportunities to network with people I’ve never met.
  • Create an LLC rather than a sole proprietorship? Enter an opportunity to learn a lot of information that confuses and frustrates me, but keeps moving forward, step by step. And allows me to work with and learn from people I genuinely love.
  • Expand into a new market? Enter the opportunity to drive into New Orleans and Mobile to attend meetings and meet with referral partners.

These are the ways I have to continually get into the framework and action around my one little word.

What I’ve noticed is that once I set my intention around this word, all sorts of opportunities have shown up for me to prove that I’m committed. Beyond opportunities, the word shows up in articles, conversations, songs and just everywhere I look. There are two songs that have been in my iTunes playlist for years– one is Brave by Sara Bareilles and another is the song Learn me Right from the original soundtrack of the movie Brave. (This one is really special to me because it was gifted to me by a client who thought it described what she got out of coaching with me.) When I shuffle my songs, both of these songs ALWAYS come up. And let me tell you, I have a large iTunes library. So the odds are like 2 in 4589. And they didn’t used to show up quite so much as they do now.

Today, I was actually inspired to write this post about my one little word because I was reading a book by Thomas Leonard, considered by many to be the father of coaching. He wrote this book called The Portable Coach to help people be more attractive and create a strong personal foundation using these 28 strategies he thought were critical to practice. I decided to take a look at this book again since I hadn’t read it in many years. Strategy number one already reminded me of how brilliant he really was, but this quote really got me. It’s on the Very First Page!  Seriously. I can’t make this up. So here it is – get ready:

“Because fortune really does favor the brave, and the brave are guided by their own lights.”

 

Bam. 

 

2016 One Little Word

I always create a little Project Life card for my scrapbook to remember my One Little Word for the year.

A Crumple and Cry Day

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Did you ever have one of those days that began with something going wrong? Let’s say it was a BIG bad thing.  Or maybe a medium bad thing and then maybe then something else happened and another thing happened and the next thing you know, you’re crying and you can’t seem to find the motivation to do anything?

Been there. Plenty of times.

I used to think it was my adult duty to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. That’s what I was told. Some days.

But I also was told that crying happens. It sometimes happens when you least expect it and for no apparent reason. Nothing has to go wrong to make you feel like crying. Bad days happen. Negativity takes control. Crying ensues. And often, once it starts, it feels like it won’t stop any time soon.

And crying is cathartic. It can be necessary.

Instead of trying to bury the emotions under a pile of things to do or people to see, I decided years ago that I just needed to surrender, on those days, and have what I call a Crumple and Cry Day. It allows me to grieve over all the injustices that have piled up against me, or those I love and care about, big or small. I just need to surrender to what I cannot control.

No, I don’t cry all day. At least not constantly. I may cry for a bit, stop, cry again, get quiet, cry on the yoga mat, watch tv, cry…etc. I find though that they key to a successful Crumple and Cry Day is just to clear my calendar and settle in for the day and let it unfold as it is meant to do. (Yes, sick days are allowed. If you’re heartsick, take a sick day.

Sinking my feet in the sand, listening to the waves crash on the beach, mimics my internal swell of tears while bringing me to a place of peace.

I don’t have to stay at home and cry. In fact, I often don a pair of sunglasses and cry as I walk the beach, or sit on the front porch. Don’t try to push it down any more, just let it all bubble up and see what you learn from it. You may be surprised at how many little things you’ve been holding on to. Or it may just be one BIG thing. And if that BIG thing comes up on more than one Crumple and Cry Day, it’s a signal that your work isn’t finished.

Crumple and Cry Day doesn’t have to be a whole day. It’s just as long or short as you need it to be.

What happens at the end of a Crumple and Cry Day? I’m tired. I have no more tears left for the time being. And I have generally opened up a space for me to take the next step. Having released all the built up sadness or anger, I can stand in a moment where that container is empty and I am ready to fill up another container with something good. Something possible. Something fresh and new.

If you’re in an overall healthy state of mental wellbeing, crying is a very cleansing, healing and refreshing experience. You might want to keep a notebook nearby as you move out of the sadness and into the peace and calm that follows. It really is almost like decluttering your physical spaces – once you surrender the stuff you’ve been holding on to, you open your heart and mind to what you need in that moment. So listen and be ready to write it down so you won’t forget.

I know some people worry that if they surrender and start to cry, they will never stop. And if you have more Crumple and Cry Days than days filled with possibility, I’m going to suggest you reach out to someone for help. See if that container needs to be washed by something more therapeutic than you can offer yourself.

Let me know what you think. And if you have a way of cleansing and releasing your stuff, tell us about it in the comments.

 

 

When it’s time to change your story

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A conversation with someone I’ve known for a long time reminded me of a challenge so many of us face.  We have a story we believe and continuously tell about ourselves, even if only in an internal dialogue. That story begins when we are born and what we are told, what we experience and what we want all comes together in a narrative we play subconsciously and often recite to others.

When I was a child, a woman who went to our church looked down at me one day and said, “Don’t worry sweetie, some day you’ll grow up to be a pretty girl.” Wow, right??! Basically, I heard, “You’re pretty ugly right now and hopefully you’ll grow up and be pretty.” What I internalized for YEARS was that I wasn’t pretty yet.

My friend relayed to me that her father said she wouldn’t ever amount to anything. She translated that to mean she would never be successful. It’s a limiting belief she lives with and probably thinks about often. When she searches her brain for memories, she finds experiences that reinforce her story that she will always be nothing much to talk about. Then she relays the story to me and probably to others.

A professor gave me a nugget of information once that changed my life. He said the thing is, our brain believes what we tell it to believe. If you tell yourself you are worthless, you’ll constantly feel worthless. If you keep repeating a successful story, you’ll begin to feel successful. Even if you had a bad experience in your life, you can stop feeding your brain with the same memory, dialogue or belief. You have the opportunity and all the skills you need to tell a new story.

So how do you tell a new and better story about yourself?  You have to create a new story or belief about yourself. And you have to tell it a lot – a lot more than the slightly or completely negative one you’ve told most of your life. It takes some effort. Think of it as a record album with grooves that the needle fits in to. Those grooves are deep. Your job is to change what plays in the grooves.

Seek out other stories about yourself that make that original story no longer true. Think of times you succeeded! Replay compliments you’ve received from others or times when clients or employees were extremely satisfied about something you’ve done.

To me, my friend is determined, a talented artist, compassionate, diligent and successful. She mentored me and helped me just because she is all of those things I described. She certainly didn’t have to put in the time with me. And she put in the time with about ten of us, creating a shared experience that I will never forget. I hope she can incorporate the parts of that experience into her own story. To me, she was everything I needed her to be at that time in my life.

One of my favorite gatherings with a group of friends happened one New Year’s Day several years ago. We were all thinking about the new year and decided we would go around the room and say one thing about each person that summed up how we felt about them. Meanwhile, a scribe wrote them all on a note pad and gave them to each person to keep. I carried mine in my wallet for years. Now I keep it on my desk and unfold it once in awhile.  It’s part of my new story. Some of the chapters of my story can still get pretty negative. It’s a constant and evolving process, especially when the examples I can point to so clearly reinforce those things I believe that just aren’t true. That little piece of paper helps a lot. So do all the people in my life who help to correct my story when I get it wrong.

Words for my new story

words for my new story

  • Mama – fixes anything
  • Strong – brings out the best in others
  • Integrity
  • My saving grace – my Queen
  • Intelligent – teacher
  • My heart
  • Profound

Wow, right?! That’s a story with a much happier ending.

Do you need help rewriting your new story? Ask for help – friends, mentors, family, colleagues, coaches and others are likely ready and willing to help you.

Journal it out – the old story and the new version. What words and phrases will you use to replace those that hurt you or changed your belief in yourself?

Start telling your new story.

 

“But her story isn’t finished, and for once she’s picked up a pen.”

― Kelsey Sutton, Some Quiet Place