Tag Archives: brave

Get Your Ducks in a Row

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I started my business full time a little over a year ago after a national nonprofit I worked for went through a restructuring. I had just gotten an exemplary yearly evaluation and a lovely bonus. Suddenly, I was offered a severance package and transitional services. It was a shock and I struggled to process what had happened while figuring out what was next.

I decided to just take the leap and do this thing that I love – coach full time. A short while later,  my coach was helping me work through this new development.  Not surprisingly, I expressed I was having some fear, grief, anger – all the things you would expect to feel.

My brilliant coach said, “So what’s your first next step? What are you feeling like you need to do?”

I replied, “I need to get my ducks in a row.” We then talked about what that meant. It could have included “busyness” like website redo, new business cards, systems and processes to build my capacity to serve more clients, etc. etc. Really Busy Stuff. But honestly, what it meant for me was first getting my head in the game. Aligning my mind and my business goals with what I want to do, my vision, my why, my business philosophy. My values.  Everything should be synced and pulling me forward.

A few days later, I found this.

My row of ducks

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What’s weird about this little bit of pewter goodness is that in that moment, I truly didn’t remember EVER SEEING IT BEFORE. I just turned my head one day while journaling in my favorite chair and there it was, in the bookcase in front of some business books. Yes, that’s right. Business books.

I freaked out a little, I’m not going to lie. Where did this come from? How did it get here? It’s in front of my business books!!!

I began searching my brain and remembered where it came from. It belonged to my mother. Then I remembered even more – my sister gave it to her and it was especially meaningful  because mom had three girls. I probably found it in a large mass of boxes brought to my home after my mom died and decided hastily to pop it into the bookcase rather than donate or give it away. I have probably seen it hundreds of times but never really took it in.

In that moment, after I had declared to my coach that I needed to get my ducks in a row, it suddenly came into my view and I got it.

Magical.

Now, it became a symbol for what I needed to do.

Fast forward to now, just a few months past my one year, full-time business anniversary, I’ve been reflecting a lot on what I’ve accomplished, what I haven’t accomplished (I spend way too much time on that one) and what I‘ve learned.  Oh, the learning.

I was cleaning and decluttering my desk the other day and moved my laptop and found the little ducks again. There they were – there they always are – reminding me. A little talisman.

“Get your ducks in a row, Laurie.”

It’s an ongoing process, right? It isn’t ever really over. Sometimes my ducks walk out of line.

Like recently, when I made a decision about an opportunity that was so out of line that I almost instantly realized I needed to pull that duck back in. Every day that duck was out of line was a struggle for me.  I made an impulsive decision that wasn’t aligned with my overall vision. And I knew I needed to let it go.

You see, I have this list of things that I usually go by in order to decide if something is right for me. An opportunity has to tick all these boxes. This one didn’t really tick any of them.

So, I am letting go of the regret and blaming I was doing about taking this thing on in the first place. Because I have discovered that while this detour was all wrong for me, it has taught me a lot more about myself. And has led me to discover some pretty incredible opportunities I would maybe have ignored before. For whatever reason, it was meant to be, but not for very long. I veered off to the right and it took me just a short time to get back in line.  I remembered what it’s like to feel aligned. I found myself again. And when you find yourself again, it just makes you realize even more how important it is to be your complete self.

Thanks to my ducks.

So let me ask you – what’s on your list of boxes? What do you have to check in order to decide if an opportunity or relationship is right for you?

How does it feel to be connected to your complete self? How do you know when you are not in the place you need to be?

How is what you’re doing now aligning with what you want to be doing?

Is there something  that feels out of range – either out of control, out of alignment or out of your ability to accomplish?

What do you need to do in order to get your ducks in a row?

What have you learned from the things that weren’t right for you?

What’s next?

 

If you need some help, I am always available to help you get your ducks back in a row through a coaching session. Contact me if that’s something you need right now. 

 

My One Little Word

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This is the second year I have chosen a word to guide me throughout the year. I first heard about this from my scrapbooking friends – One Little Word is a class taught by Ali Edwards, who is kind of a big deal in those circles. While I haven’t taken the class, I like the idea of creating a personal ‘word’ and reflecting back on it all year.

So this year, I hadn’t yet settled on a word when my world was rocked. On January 8th, my part-time position with a national nonprofit was suddenly eliminated. We had gone through a restructuring the year before, and I was still hanging in. So admittedly, I was surprised when my grip was loosened. Stunned. Felt the floor shifting under my feet. It was a great job and I thought I would be with that company until I retired. Surprise! Not so. Nope. Not today.

When I regained my footing and got some clarity, I created my one little word for 2016. It is:

 

BRAVE

 

I realized I was going to have to make sure this business of mine brought in a full time income, rather than a part-time one. It mattered now whether I had clients who stayed with me, new clients to replace the old and tax money put aside all along the way rather than at the end of the year. My fears and anxieties would have to be pushed aside or dealt with in order to do my best at this and be successful.

What fears do I have? Oh there are a lot of them. I would tell you about all of them, but that would give them voice and I try not to let them talk a lot. It’s easier that way. But here’s an example.

A lot of people who know me know that I am an introvert by nature. Yes, I can act as if I am an extrovert, but at my core, being alone and coaching people one-to one energizes and delights me. Networking? I don’t Prefer it. But I learned long ago to tolerate it. Some days, I even embrace it.

Let’s just say, I chose this word and then what happened?

  • Embrace networking? Enter new clients who bring me weekly opportunities to network with people I’ve never met.
  • Create an LLC rather than a sole proprietorship? Enter an opportunity to learn a lot of information that confuses and frustrates me, but keeps moving forward, step by step. And allows me to work with and learn from people I genuinely love.
  • Expand into a new market? Enter the opportunity to drive into New Orleans and Mobile to attend meetings and meet with referral partners.

These are the ways I have to continually get into the framework and action around my one little word.

What I’ve noticed is that once I set my intention around this word, all sorts of opportunities have shown up for me to prove that I’m committed. Beyond opportunities, the word shows up in articles, conversations, songs and just everywhere I look. There are two songs that have been in my iTunes playlist for years– one is Brave by Sara Bareilles and another is the song Learn me Right from the original soundtrack of the movie Brave. (This one is really special to me because it was gifted to me by a client who thought it described what she got out of coaching with me.) When I shuffle my songs, both of these songs ALWAYS come up. And let me tell you, I have a large iTunes library. So the odds are like 2 in 4589. And they didn’t used to show up quite so much as they do now.

Today, I was actually inspired to write this post about my one little word because I was reading a book by Thomas Leonard, considered by many to be the father of coaching. He wrote this book called The Portable Coach to help people be more attractive and create a strong personal foundation using these 28 strategies he thought were critical to practice. I decided to take a look at this book again since I hadn’t read it in many years. Strategy number one already reminded me of how brilliant he really was, but this quote really got me. It’s on the Very First Page!  Seriously. I can’t make this up. So here it is – get ready:

“Because fortune really does favor the brave, and the brave are guided by their own lights.”

 

Bam. 

 

2016 One Little Word

I always create a little Project Life card for my scrapbook to remember my One Little Word for the year.

A Crumple and Cry Day

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Did you ever have one of those days that began with something going wrong? Let’s say it was a BIG bad thing.  Or maybe a medium bad thing and then maybe then something else happened and another thing happened and the next thing you know, you’re crying and you can’t seem to find the motivation to do anything?

Been there. Plenty of times.

I used to think it was my adult duty to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. That’s what I was told. Some days.

But I also was told that crying happens. It sometimes happens when you least expect it and for no apparent reason. Nothing has to go wrong to make you feel like crying. Bad days happen. Negativity takes control. Crying ensues. And often, once it starts, it feels like it won’t stop any time soon.

And crying is cathartic. It can be necessary.

Instead of trying to bury the emotions under a pile of things to do or people to see, I decided years ago that I just needed to surrender, on those days, and have what I call a Crumple and Cry Day. It allows me to grieve over all the injustices that have piled up against me, or those I love and care about, big or small. I just need to surrender to what I cannot control.

No, I don’t cry all day. At least not constantly. I may cry for a bit, stop, cry again, get quiet, cry on the yoga mat, watch tv, cry…etc. I find though that they key to a successful Crumple and Cry Day is just to clear my calendar and settle in for the day and let it unfold as it is meant to do. (Yes, sick days are allowed. If you’re heartsick, take a sick day.

Sinking my feet in the sand, listening to the waves crash on the beach, mimics my internal swell of tears while bringing me to a place of peace.

I don’t have to stay at home and cry. In fact, I often don a pair of sunglasses and cry as I walk the beach, or sit on the front porch. Don’t try to push it down any more, just let it all bubble up and see what you learn from it. You may be surprised at how many little things you’ve been holding on to. Or it may just be one BIG thing. And if that BIG thing comes up on more than one Crumple and Cry Day, it’s a signal that your work isn’t finished.

Crumple and Cry Day doesn’t have to be a whole day. It’s just as long or short as you need it to be.

What happens at the end of a Crumple and Cry Day? I’m tired. I have no more tears left for the time being. And I have generally opened up a space for me to take the next step. Having released all the built up sadness or anger, I can stand in a moment where that container is empty and I am ready to fill up another container with something good. Something possible. Something fresh and new.

If you’re in an overall healthy state of mental wellbeing, crying is a very cleansing, healing and refreshing experience. You might want to keep a notebook nearby as you move out of the sadness and into the peace and calm that follows. It really is almost like decluttering your physical spaces – once you surrender the stuff you’ve been holding on to, you open your heart and mind to what you need in that moment. So listen and be ready to write it down so you won’t forget.

I know some people worry that if they surrender and start to cry, they will never stop. And if you have more Crumple and Cry Days than days filled with possibility, I’m going to suggest you reach out to someone for help. See if that container needs to be washed by something more therapeutic than you can offer yourself.

Let me know what you think. And if you have a way of cleansing and releasing your stuff, tell us about it in the comments.

 

 

I’ll Keep On Making These New Mistakes

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Last week, I was watching Dancing with the Stars and heard this great song called Try Everything from the movie, Zootopia. I immediately recognized it as one of those songs I needed to add to my Morning Inspiration Playlist. (Do you have one of those? I highly recommend it!)

A couple of days later, I played it for my granddaughter, Kandyce, and told her I thought we’d be able to go see the movie this weekend. (We did and it was fantastic! I highly recommend that too.) I got the chance to see the song paired with the movie and it inspired me even more! You can watch the video just below and get a small sampling of what I’m talking about.

Try Everything Official Video Shakira

Watching Judy Hopps articulate her dream as a young person and then set out to make it come true was very inspiring. But what resonated with me the most about the lyrics is these two lines: “I’ll keep on making these new mistakes. I’ll keep on making them every day.”

As we launch or grow a business or nonprofit, we absolutely don’t know everything.  It’s one of the reasons many people NEVER even begin. Fear of making mistakes and failing can be truly paralyzing. A lot of business owners find that they aren’t willing to try everything or ANYTHING because it may mean they fall. The more things you try, the greater the risk.

Notice the song doesn’t say you’ll make the same mistakes. It says you’ll keep on making new mistakes. If you’re not making new mistakes, you may not ever get to where you want to be. You’ll hear crickets all day long if you don’t try something. You have to keep putting yourself out there, every day, to see what works and what doesn’t.

Sure, you’ll have bad days. You’ll make choices that could have turned out differently and led you to a different place. You’ll feel like things aren’t moving fast enough and want to give up. But you’ll keep learning! You’ll do it differently tomorrow and the next day, until you see that it’s working just the way you want it to.  Just like Judy, you’ll climb and fall, climb and fall. You’ll figure out how to do it differently and you’ll stop falling.

And perspective is important too. Don’t make a lot of important decisions when you’re having a bad day. Give yourself some time. You aren’t looking at things from the mountain on those days I call “crumple and cry days.”  You’re looking up from the ground or inside of the valley.

Just turn on a little music, dance it off and start again. Watch an inspiring movie or video. Call a friend to talk you off the ledge.

Try Everything.

Kandyce tries rock climbing

 

It’s My Turn to be Brave

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I have been thinking about bravery a lot lately as I step into a new journey that is very exciting and, at the same time, brings in a few scary moments. We are finally buying a new house in a small town we’ve loved for so long. As Katrina survivors, we postponed our desired move in order to rebuild our flooded home and regroup our priorities around family, work, and life in general. Circumstances fell into place, quickly and somewhat magically, to bring us to this new space. It feels wonderful – right! But in the dark night, lying wide awake and vulnerable, sometimes fear can creep in.

As often happens, something shows up to speak to me, teach me something, or comfort me when I need it most. A piece from one of the editors of fear.less, an online magazine, found its way into my inbox and I thought it was perfect to share with those who are in need of this message right now.

I also got a recommended read from a colleague that I plan to explore in the next few months. Debbie Ford has long coached and written about facing our shadow selves, those dark fearful parts of our psyche that keep us from moving toward the life we truly want to experience. After a quick perusal at my local bookseller, her book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, is now on my Christmas list.

So, after you read the following post from Matt at fear.less magazine, consider what you will do with your shadow self. Can you acknowledge your fear for what it is and move on? What do you need to support you as you take that first step on the path?

As always, if you need help, reach out for coaching, reassurance or just a friendly voice on the other end of the line. Together, we can step into our greatness and create the life we deserve.

And here’s the post from Matt:


WHERE’S THE IKEA MANUAL FOR…LIFE?

Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual, and most of
its components don’t either. But who really enjoys reading
them anyway?

Even if we think we’ve accepted that sometimes we must
press on without a roadmap, we still convince ourselves that
maybe we’ll get a guide instead. A mentor, someone who’s
walked our intended path before, and even if they haven’t
concretely charted it down, they can lead us to safety.

Sometimes we don’t get that either. Whether we’re starting
an experimental book or launching a new business model or
about to enter a tense and difficult conversation, we can
easily end up without the blessing of any sort of direction.
We don’t have enough information to reason our way through
comfortably, and our emotions are a mess of doubt and fear.

The apparent answer that I always get is both infuriatingly
simple, and often repeated by people who want to sell us
shoes: “Just do it.”

A lot of the apprehension from trying something new comes
from the fear of failure and ridicule – but when you attempt
something no one else around has expertise in, it’s difficult for
them to persecute you for being wrong. Failure becomes just a
valuable learning experience, not a crippling catastrophe.

And that’s only if you’re wrong. For all you know (because you
don’t know), you may enjoy a sudden flash of brilliance, like all
human beings are prone to do in times of crisis. You may be right.
You may write the next forever-quoted sentence, start the next
revolution, say the magic passwords that bring a conflict to an
unexpected and peaceful resolution.

But how will you know if you don’t just do it?

xo Matt & Ishita


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