The  Gratitude Jar for The Relationship (with ourselves and with others)

A few months ago, a student mentioned to me that she was very excited about New Year’s Eve. I asked what special plans they had for the evening and she said it was very simple and low-key. “Each year, we put memories, thoughts or gratitudes into a big jar whenever we feel led to write them down, and we open it and read them on the last day of the year. We reflect on what went well and what we did together.”

This practice stayed in the back of my mind. Then the inviteCHANGE monthly webinar for January was on Incorporating Gratitude. When I hear something more than once, it’s time to pay attention to the lesson.

I’m pretty connected to gratitude as a daily practice, though it’s mostly in the form of gratitude journaling in my morning pages as well as noting the best parts of our day in a conversation that’s usually held during dinner time. But that can sometimes feel very routine.

Fast forward to my work with a relationship client and I mention that it might be helpful to start a Gratitude Jar. But, I suggest they not wait till the end of the year to take a look at it.

Several people in my life have begun this practice of capturing happy thoughts, memories, stories, etc. in a nearby jar. My daughter was gifted a Happy Memories jar by one of her co-workers. I immediately took advantage of her gift and stuck a note inside for her as well. She just takes one out when she feels like she needs or wants to read one the most.

So when I began writing this blog post, I really intended it to focus on how gratitude can improve our relationships with others. But frankly, beyond that, it really changes our own relationship with self – with awareness of what’s going well, which in turn leads us to moving into patterns that help us do well.

We can spend a lot of time complaining about what isn’t right or what doesn’t work. We can see examples of this in our own conversations with others, with social media conversations, in newspapers and on television.

Statements of gratitude help us to see that the world is a good place. That good things really do happen. We then, in turn, learn to see the good things more often, or at least AS often, as the not so good things.

It also helps us to remember what we are doing well, rather than always seeing those parts of us that we are most often critical about. We speak to self in ways we would never speak to friends or family. What if you picked one thing about your body, mind, spirit or character that you are grateful for every day? What if you noticed when you were kind to others or when you fulfilled a promise to do something for yourself? What if you said, “I am grateful for my work ethic – I showed up to work today even though I wanted to stay in bed and read a good book.”

Is it time for you to start a practice of self or relationship gratitude? Or if you already have a practice, is it time to add another component to it?

I’m looking for a pretty jar that can contain all the gratitude and happiness I can find. I’ll let you know when I find the perfect jar. But for now, I can start writing my gratitude on a tiny slip of paper right now.

Summer of Self Care – Day 3

The more you love yourself, the more energy you create. And the more energy you create, the less you tolerate!

Tolerations

One of the first lessons I learned when I began my coach training program was about tolerations – how we carry around this list of things that we need to attend to. And maybe we see evidence of these tolerations when we walk past, for instance, a wall that needs repainting, drive with a crack in our car windshield or receive a card from a friend or relative we haven’t seen or talked to in a while.

These tolerations subconsciously and consciously drain our energy, make us feel tense and sometimes even engage us in a conversation of self-blame and frustration. “Why can’t I just take the time to paint that floor?” Or “I will get to that soon or I will scream!!!” They block us from feeling good about what we have or bringing in new opportunities. If we have too much physical and mental clutter, we don’t have room to love ourselves and love the space we are in.

Don’t scream. But for today, start a list of tolerations. The first time I did this, there were over 100. I feel no shame in that. And I started busting them, one by one. And I learned not only to love the space I was in more, I felt better about myself and my ability to handle things. Removing tolerations increased my self-care, which also increased my self-love.

Now when the time comes, you can bust them in a few ways.

You can do it and cross it off (or schedule it in a way that commits you to a time frame).

You can pay someone else to do it

You can say, “I’m never going to do this” and give it away, throw it away, or begin accept it for what it is. Try to stop letting it bother you in whatever way you can make that happen.

Again, today, the goal is just to start a list. And if you’re feeling Feisty, you can bust a toleration and cross it off your list today. But don’t overwhelm yourself. And as you’re making the list, don’t freak out. Breathe and say – “Everything happens in the right time and for the right reason.”

Once they start coming off your list and they go away from your mind and sight, you’ll see your energy returning.

Now I am off to make my appointments with my Ophthalmologist and my Dentist.

 

(Need extra help? Find an accountability buddy who will hold you accountable to the time frame. Or if there’s more to this, ask me for a free exploratory coaching session and we will uncover what’s getting in the way.)

What I Learned After April 15th

The best thing in this picture is the coffee.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When you’re self-employed, you’re responsible for all your bookkeeping, accounting and tax documentation. If you’re a Solopreneur like me, you probably choose to do it yourself.  And maybe, like me, it’s your least favorite thing to do and it often doesn’t get done regularly.  I’ll admit – I have gone an entire year and done nothing for myself but print out my monthly bank statements and filed income and expense documentation into appropriate folders. Not a great workflow. In fact, it’s a system that means I spend DAYS (usually at least a month) getting documentation and spreadsheets together for my accountant to file my tax return.

Every year, I begin with good intentions about bookkeeping, accounting and tax time. There’s a list in my head that runs something like this:

ð      Schedule monthly time for bookkeeping

ð      Enter income and expense data into spreadsheet monthly

ð      Save and organize documentation

ð      Start getting tax documentation summary for accountant in January, not April.

ð      Design a more paperless system

ð      Reconcile bank statements monthly

ð      Project income and expenses

Each year, I have failed at this list in some way.

For my 2016 return, I made some improvements, but I also fell short of my overall goal.

This year is going to be different. It already is. I pulled the list out of my head and put it down on paper. I scheduled a monthly money date for myself – the last Friday of every month. I’ve organized my receipts by month rather than just throwing them into a box or file to sort whenever I decide to take the time.

But my biggest revelation hit me the other day while driving to an appointment. I was passing by an office where I worked at a nonprofit for several years. I had just submitted my packet to the accountant and was thinking about aspects of my time working for for others.  In addition to all the responsibilities of being an Executive Director for a state nonprofit, I was responsible for the day to day administration of all the funds that came in and out of that organization.  Guess how I did that?

ð      Made copies of every piece of financial documentation

ð      Filed documentation and copies into files and a master binder, sorted by month

ð      Filed important papers like insurance, tax returns, yearly financial statements, etc. where I could easily find everything.

ð      Reconciled bank statement with Treasurer monthly

ð      Filed quarterly tax payments

ð      Created quarterly financial report for the board of directors

ð      Submitted tax info to accountant within a month after fiscal year end

So why do I treat my own company and my own business any differently?  Why is my business any less important than any of the other organizations I’ve served?

It isn’t.

“I Don’t Love This Task!!” my inner voice cries. “I can just do this at the end of the year! I’ve pulled it off before!”

But I hate doing it in large bunches like that. It feels overwhelming. I beat myself up with horrible self-talk. I feel like I am forgetting something important.

So on a Saturday afternoon when the house is quiet and I’ve committed to a few hours of catch up in my business, I am determined. I can make lists of what I really want, begin to create new habits and design a new workflow today. I can set aside this time I need monthly to do what I need to do. I can honor Bookkeeping Day just like I honor Back Up Day!

I could (not should) honor the day-to-day financial administration of my business just as I honored those tasks for companies I have worked for.  I can make that time feel comforting by pouring a cup of coffee, getting everything I need together and keeping that appointment with myself, no matter what.

Maybe I’ll even learn to like it a little more.

 

 

Hello Again, Yoga!

I used to practice yoga at home every morning. Almost every day began with a pot of coffee, followed by quiet time to journal, and then I was on the mat for a 20 minute yoga practice. I used to laugh and say that yoga kept me from killing people. In truth, it kept me more responsive to problems and situations, rather than being reactive. I loved yoga and I was proud of myself for keeping up a regular practice. For me, it was an impactful, yet easy piece of my self-care plan.

Then one rainy day in Jackson, Mississippi, I fell on the way into a meeting. I stepped into a small hole in the pavement that was obscured by the rain and twisted my ankle in just the right way so as to lose my balance and plop right onto the muddy ground. The result was a pretty awful deep ankle bone bruising that made walking difficult for awhile, much less getting into Downward Facing Dog or even a comfortable lotus position. It seemed like it took forever for my ankle to feel normal again. Months went by and I was off the mat. Then another two years would go by before I would return to a regular practice of yoga.

During that time, I would think about yoga a lot. I missed the benefits and felt like I was reactive, falling into negative thinking more quickly than its opposite. My self- talk was mean and unforgiving. “You REALLY need to make time for this if it’s so important to you! Why can’t you just take 20 minutes to get back onto that mat? Why can’t you do this regularly any more? What’s wrong with you???”

It took the cessation of a busy part-time job and the return to working full-time for myself to make my thoughts more positive and my self-care more of a priority. And it took a reflective and forgiving look at my time to incorporate that 20-minute practice back into my day. I’m not at every single day yet and I’m also not yelling at myself if I miss a Saturday morning because of a lengthy list of want or need-to-dos or a Sunday morning because I want to see my granddaughter’s dance competition.

When I get on the mat, I immediately relax and start to breathe. It’s like my mind and body say, “Hello again, Yoga! It’s good to be back!” And then later, I remember that feeling just before I go to bed and set my internal alarm accordingly so I have that extra 20 minutes. I’m much more calm and centered as I go about my day, talking to myself, writing or working with clients. Yes, I still have stressors and there are things I would like to see changed yesterday. Nothing is ever perfect. But it’s working – I’m back  to something that matters a lot to me.

Spring often brings a desire to clean house, to start something new and beautiful or to plant a new seed. I’ve thought about this a lot lately as I am moving into this Spring Clean Your Life work with myself and with others. Spring cleaning isn’t just clearing cobwebs from the corners of your living room or laundering your curtains. It’s a fresh, new perspective, practice or commitment. It’s a cleansing of negative self talk – talk that wouldn’t come out of your mouth to your best friend, but often comes into your head when thinking about your own behaviors or what you consider to be failures. It’s a conscious practice of screening pieces of your life, practices of your day and desires of your soul to see if they all fit with what you want out of life and work.

Spring is the time to take a look at all aspects of your work, your home, and your thoughts. New beginnings happen now, as we prepare for flowers to bloom and gentle breezes to blow again. It’s a time when we notice the beauty of our environment and we celebrate rebirth and resurrection.

So let me ask you today – what are you ready to say Hello to?

Yoga with my Dog.

Agnes waits patiently while I get on the mat.

Laurie Johnson helps small businesses become large businesses, and small nonprofits to become more successful nonprofits. She does this by providing consulting services, training, and individual and group coaching sessions. When work and life aren’t in balance, Laurie helps you get it together and create systems and practices that fulfill all aspects of your life.

A free “Spring Clean Your Life” workshop call is being offered Wednesday, March 2nd at 7pm Central Standard time (8pm EST). Email Laurie to register or go to www.4elementscoaching.com/contact-us to sign up.