Tag Archives: responses

Summer of Self Care – Day 31

Posted on by
Reply

You Matter 

We’ve been through 31 days of the Summer of Self Care together and covered 30 different topics or ideas for you to add to a regular self care plan. Of course, your self care plan will ebb and flow with the seasons, with the changes that show up in your life or with your health.

It is my deepest hope that you have benefitted from this program and will continually look at self care in a different way. Hopefully, practicing self care will become a daily habit for you. Maybe you have learned a lot about yourself and will continue to learn more as you engage in journaling and reflecting. Undoubtedly, you may have had difficulty practicing each prompt and that’s perfectly okay. One of the purposes of this month-long exercise was to create some regular self care time, but also some ideas for when you only have a moment to pop on a playlist or when you have an entire weekend that can be dedicated to a retreat.

The feedback I got from some of you affirms that self care is something that resonates with most of us. We all seem to be bouncing from one stressful thing to another busy thing and have difficulty focusing on what we really need to be centered and grounded.

Several posts stood out as most popular in our series – The art of saying no, dancing whenever you feel like it, creating Tech Free days, a day of play and the Comfort Bag were the favorites.

A couple of you emailed that you were sharing these ideas with your friends and found a Self Care Accountability Buddy, which will definitely help you as you continue to make self care a big part of your routine.

Caregivers, I hear you! I see you! I honor the work that you are doing for others and hope you will carve out a little space for yourself every single day. I encourage you to put yourself on the list – yes, there’s a lot going on and much of it is critical, unexpected and ever-changing. But if you don’t take care of yourself, you absolutely can’t take care of others.

For me personally, it was ironic and comforting that I started this Summer of Self Care at the same time we began a summer DIY flooring project. I needed to practice extreme self care often during this month as we learned how to install drop/lock flooring, learned how to respond to the discovery of an old water leak and some resulting mold in a half bath. I also got to spend lots of time with my granddaughter for her annual BacktoSchoolPalooza and realized that, for me, spending time with her is an act of self care. She reminds me to laugh and play and make time for the things that are important.

If you google self care or put self care in the search box on amazon.com, you will find a ton of resources, books and other items that will expand your knowledge on this topic. But I encourage you to listen to your intuition, your heart, your inner voice that carries all the wisdom you need to know what to do in each moment that you need care.

Every moment can be a moment of self care – that just takes awareness. Awareness of our thoughts, our words and the way we respond.

It was an honor to spend each day with you in self care practice. I wish you all the best as you continue on this journey of kindness, love and support for You. Not always Just for You, but always Including You. Because, as my sweet neighbor Barbara reminds all of us:

Summer of Self Care – Day 12

Posted on by
Reply

Sorry, Not sorry.

Sorry pattern

How often do we say we’re sorry for things we’ve done that don’t require a sorry response? Has guilt become an automatic state of feeling for us?

We often say “Sorry” automatically without even thinking about it. “I’m sorry you’re sick.” “I’m sorry you didn’t get the job.”

Neither of these things can be controlled by us, yet we often hear or give a ‘sorry pattern’ response.

 

Here’s another list of Sorry Statements I’ve heard lately:

“Sorry I’m wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Should I wear something more dressy?”

“Sorry, I’m just a moody mess today.”

“Sorry to bother you.”

How often do you hear  the word sorry as a response to an everyday, somewhat inconsequential thing? And are you able to change anything by being sorry for these types of circumstances?

If you realize that you’re just saying an automatic sorry, think about what it does to your self-care. It makes you feel like you did something wrong. Like you’re less than able in some way. Like you are guilty of something. It can make you feel discouraged and sad. Likewise, it doesn’t do a lot for the receiver either. They might just hear a bit of an automated response. And you probably feel like that’s what you’re delivering.

‘I’m sorry you didn’t get the job’ probably doesn’t make them feel as good as, “I know what an incredible employee you are – if there’s something I can do to make you feel better today, what would that be?” That’s an action you can take – being sorry is a passive response that doesn’t really help either of you.

So before saying you’re sorry, ask yourself these questions:

  • Have I really done anything to feel sorry about? (If yes, go to whether you can rectify it, and if so, how.)
  • Am I responsible for this? Why might I feel responsible for this?
  • Is this a “sorry pattern” response in my life? (If yes, what do I need to do in order to break this pattern?”
  • Do I really want to keep feeling guilty about this? How can I let this go once and for all?
  • How can I turn a an automatic sorry into an empowering statement or an offer of support or assistance?

What if your “I’m sorry” began with “Thank you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As the creator of this Meme and the idea expressed here suggests, shifting the content of the response can shift the way you feel about yourself and puts the receiver in a space of recognizing your gratitude. Or, as in the above example your support.

To me, this is a self-care win-win.

So, if I normally say, “Sorry for being such a moody mess today,” I could say “Thanks so much for standing in this uncomfortable space with me today. I appreciate your unconditional support, especially when I am having an off day.”

“Sorry to bother you” could become, “Thank you so much for supporting me! You’re always so helpful when I need an answer or solution and I have something I’d like to run by you.”

“Sorry I’m wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Should I wear something more dressy?” might sound like, “You know, I was feeling pretty casual today, but if you think I should dress up a bit more, I would appreciate your honesty before we get to the event. I know I can count on you to be totally honest with me.”

“Sorry you’re sick” could turn in to “It sounds like you’re in need of something comforting or healing. Is there anything I can do for you?  (but only offer something if you’re willing. Sometimes I think we use the word “sorry” as a way of being supportive, but we have no time or intention of doing anything. Only offer support if you can follow through – remember Day 4 – let’s not overcommit! It could also be expressed as, “It looks like you are really feeling lousy. Take good care of yourself!” Most of the time, people just want to be heard and acknowledged.

If you’re feeling like the word sorry is playing a bigger role in your life than it could be, try editing it out and replacing it with gratitude or support. As we’ve already learned, gratitude can change your life and it can transform the lives of those around you when they see you practicing extreme gratitude in every way.

Hello Again, Yoga!

Posted on by
Reply

I used to practice yoga at home every morning. Almost every day began with a pot of coffee, followed by quiet time to journal, and then I was on the mat for a 20 minute yoga practice. I used to laugh and say that yoga kept me from killing people. In truth, it kept me more responsive to problems and situations, rather than being reactive. I loved yoga and I was proud of myself for keeping up a regular practice. For me, it was an impactful, yet easy piece of my self-care plan.

Then one rainy day in Jackson, Mississippi, I fell on the way into a meeting. I stepped into a small hole in the pavement that was obscured by the rain and twisted my ankle in just the right way so as to lose my balance and plop right onto the muddy ground. The result was a pretty awful deep ankle bone bruising that made walking difficult for awhile, much less getting into Downward Facing Dog or even a comfortable lotus position. It seemed like it took forever for my ankle to feel normal again. Months went by and I was off the mat. Then another two years would go by before I would return to a regular practice of yoga.

During that time, I would think about yoga a lot. I missed the benefits and felt like I was reactive, falling into negative thinking more quickly than its opposite. My self- talk was mean and unforgiving. “You REALLY need to make time for this if it’s so important to you! Why can’t you just take 20 minutes to get back onto that mat? Why can’t you do this regularly any more? What’s wrong with you???”

It took the cessation of a busy part-time job and the return to working full-time for myself to make my thoughts more positive and my self-care more of a priority. And it took a reflective and forgiving look at my time to incorporate that 20-minute practice back into my day. I’m not at every single day yet and I’m also not yelling at myself if I miss a Saturday morning because of a lengthy list of want or need-to-dos or a Sunday morning because I want to see my granddaughter’s dance competition.

When I get on the mat, I immediately relax and start to breathe. It’s like my mind and body say, “Hello again, Yoga! It’s good to be back!” And then later, I remember that feeling just before I go to bed and set my internal alarm accordingly so I have that extra 20 minutes. I’m much more calm and centered as I go about my day, talking to myself, writing or working with clients. Yes, I still have stressors and there are things I would like to see changed yesterday. Nothing is ever perfect. But it’s working – I’m back  to something that matters a lot to me.

Spring often brings a desire to clean house, to start something new and beautiful or to plant a new seed. I’ve thought about this a lot lately as I am moving into this Spring Clean Your Life work with myself and with others. Spring cleaning isn’t just clearing cobwebs from the corners of your living room or laundering your curtains. It’s a fresh, new perspective, practice or commitment. It’s a cleansing of negative self talk – talk that wouldn’t come out of your mouth to your best friend, but often comes into your head when thinking about your own behaviors or what you consider to be failures. It’s a conscious practice of screening pieces of your life, practices of your day and desires of your soul to see if they all fit with what you want out of life and work.

Spring is the time to take a look at all aspects of your work, your home, and your thoughts. New beginnings happen now, as we prepare for flowers to bloom and gentle breezes to blow again. It’s a time when we notice the beauty of our environment and we celebrate rebirth and resurrection.

So let me ask you today – what are you ready to say Hello to?

Yoga with my Dog.

Agnes waits patiently while I get on the mat.

Laurie Johnson helps small businesses become large businesses, and small nonprofits to become more successful nonprofits. She does this by providing consulting services, training, and individual and group coaching sessions. When work and life aren’t in balance, Laurie helps you get it together and create systems and practices that fulfill all aspects of your life.

A free “Spring Clean Your Life” workshop call is being offered Wednesday, March 2nd at 7pm Central Standard time (8pm EST). Email Laurie to register or go to www.4elementscoaching.com/contact-us to sign up.