Tag Archives: summer of self care

Summer of Self Care – Day 31

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You Matter 

We’ve been through 31 days of the Summer of Self Care together and covered 30 different topics or ideas for you to add to a regular self care plan. Of course, your self care plan will ebb and flow with the seasons, with the changes that show up in your life or with your health.

It is my deepest hope that you have benefitted from this program and will continually look at self care in a different way. Hopefully, practicing self care will become a daily habit for you. Maybe you have learned a lot about yourself and will continue to learn more as you engage in journaling and reflecting. Undoubtedly, you may have had difficulty practicing each prompt and that’s perfectly okay. One of the purposes of this month-long exercise was to create some regular self care time, but also some ideas for when you only have a moment to pop on a playlist or when you have an entire weekend that can be dedicated to a retreat.

The feedback I got from some of you affirms that self care is something that resonates with most of us. We all seem to be bouncing from one stressful thing to another busy thing and have difficulty focusing on what we really need to be centered and grounded.

Several posts stood out as most popular in our series – The art of saying no, dancing whenever you feel like it, creating Tech Free days, a day of play and the Comfort Bag were the favorites.

A couple of you emailed that you were sharing these ideas with your friends and found a Self Care Accountability Buddy, which will definitely help you as you continue to make self care a big part of your routine.

Caregivers, I hear you! I see you! I honor the work that you are doing for others and hope you will carve out a little space for yourself every single day. I encourage you to put yourself on the list – yes, there’s a lot going on and much of it is critical, unexpected and ever-changing. But if you don’t take care of yourself, you absolutely can’t take care of others.

For me personally, it was ironic and comforting that I started this Summer of Self Care at the same time we began a summer DIY flooring project. I needed to practice extreme self care often during this month as we learned how to install drop/lock flooring, learned how to respond to the discovery of an old water leak and some resulting mold in a half bath. I also got to spend lots of time with my granddaughter for her annual BacktoSchoolPalooza and realized that, for me, spending time with her is an act of self care. She reminds me to laugh and play and make time for the things that are important.

If you google self care or put self care in the search box on amazon.com, you will find a ton of resources, books and other items that will expand your knowledge on this topic. But I encourage you to listen to your intuition, your heart, your inner voice that carries all the wisdom you need to know what to do in each moment that you need care.

Every moment can be a moment of self care – that just takes awareness. Awareness of our thoughts, our words and the way we respond.

It was an honor to spend each day with you in self care practice. I wish you all the best as you continue on this journey of kindness, love and support for You. Not always Just for You, but always Including You. Because, as my sweet neighbor Barbara reminds all of us:

Summer of Self Care – Day 30

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4 Elements of Success for Self Care

If you are familiar with my work at all, you know that I have created what I believe are 4 Elements for Success in almost every area of life. While this generally applies to work, family or specific goals people have set, it can absolutely apply to self care as well.

So my first question is – do you have a goal for your self care practice? Many people tell me that they want self care to be a daily activity for them, rather than being the first thing that gets tossed off their plate.

Perhaps you want to improve your health, your energy or create more time for exercise?

Some of you may be looking at ways in which you can practice daily self care while caregiving for an older parent, children or family members.

Maybe you want more balance in your life – to feel as though you’re connecting more to things you love to do when you’ve felt as though you’re working a great deal of the time.

Whatever the issue is, you can apply the 4 Elements to your Self Care Plan. Here they are, as applied to self care:

  • Create a Vision – Begin by creating an idea of what your ideal self care plan would look like. What would you be doing regularly that you are not doing now? What do you look like or feel like after you have put this plan into practice for 3 months, 6 months and beyond? What will you have that you don’t have now? Spend a few moments journaling about this so that you have a clear idea of what your regular self care practice will bring to you. Fill in the blank – “This is important to me because ______________________________.”
  • Belief – Develop a mindset that you can do this, rather than saying, “This never works…I always ____.” Yes, you may have some setbacks and yes, your self care may get put onto the back burner. But reinforcing the language you use with yourself will begin to create a belief or mindset that you can do it. Commit. Write down Affirmations for yourself. Use statements about your belief that are rooted in the present moment, not in the way you’ve behaved in the past. Be kind to yourself and believe in yourself the way you believe in others.
  • Make a Plan – I believe in the value of a carefully thought out plan, written down somewhere you can see it often. It doesn’t have to be complex; it can be as simple as writing down your 10 daily habits and posting them somewhere you can see them. You can add self care basics when you are traveling and can’t do those things you do in your daily routine. You might add strategies for self care when you’re sick or in the middle of big changes that cause added stress. From simple to complex, your written self care plan will help you stay on track.
  • Finally, consistent, focused Action on your vision and plan. The more you create routine self care action, the more likely you are to stick with it and feel as though you are coming from a place of centered, wholeness and wellness. That’s the goal, after all – to allow self care to create reserves in your life so that you show up with your best self.

Again, recognize that we all have difficult days and we may not always be where we want to be. But when we have a vision, belief, committed plan and we work that plan, we’re more likely to succeed in all areas of our life, even self care.

Self Care is Work Life Balance, if there is such a thing. Self care makes sure that your day doesn’t feel like a grind and that your reserves are full.

Make some time to incorporate these 4 Elements into your Self Care Plan today.

Summer of Self Care – Day 29

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The Power of Music

On Day 6 of our Summer of Self Care series,  we talked about the value of Dance on our feeling of well being. Hopefully you took a Dance break that day and maybe a few days since.

Today, music takes the center of the stage in our mind as we learn about the value of incorporating music into your self care plan.

According to Jill Suttle, music is that medicine we need for so many things. Her blog post linked here give you five ways neuroscientists have discovered that music can improve your health. But the basic research shows this:

“Neuroscientists have discovered that listening to music heightens positive emotion through the reward centers of our brain, stimulating hits of dopamine that can make us feel good or even elated. Listening to music also lights up other areas of the brain — in fact, almost no brain center is left untouched — suggesting more widespread effects and potential uses for music.”

This article suggests that music is much more effective than medication or even exercise, though you can see that it improves your stamina in that regard as well.

Babies can be soothed instantly when hearing someone close to them sing or when music is played.

Music and Memory is a project I have long been excited about – here’s a glimpse of Henry and how music changed him in just a few moments. (To see more clips or watch the entire movie, search for Music and Memory: Alive Inside.) Music calmed my mother as she became aware of the dementia setting in and felt powerless to overcome it. We could instantly change her mood by playing her favorite CDs.

When I am feeling anxious, disconnected, stressed or unfocused, memory is the fastest and most effective way to practice self care and reconnect to what I need to concentrate or get calm. I play music almost all day while I work. Music can be accessed so easily these days on smart phones, tablets, and still on the good old fashioned radios in our cars, homes and offices. Anywhere you have access to the Internet, AM, FM or even on your television, you can find Music.

Today, add music to your self care plan. Create a Self Care Playlist for yourself or search Self Care Stations on Spotify. Yes! There are a lot of them!

Here’s another one of my favorites – you’re welcome!

Can’t Stop the Feeling

Summer of Self Care – Day 28

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Self Care, Sickness, Stress and Change

When we are sick, stressed or in the middle of a great change, the need for self care often intensifies. Yet this is the very time we are seemingly unable to put our needs in front of the ever changing landscape unfolding in front of our eyes.

In particular, self care often changes greatly when we are sick, especially if we are also trying to juggle child care, work, other caregiving for family and more.

And when we’re knee deep in some sort of change or stressed to the max, it’s hard to remember to eat or take daily medications and/or vitamins, let alone make sure we are journaling, breathing, meditating or taking a daily walk.

Sometimes self care must be put on the back burner during these times when other priorities or concerns have intensified.  But don’t give it up all together.

Here are some things to consider:

  • Right now, what do I absolutely need the most to stay centered and grounded in my own self care?
  • What do I KNOW works for me as a quick, uplifting self care practice? (For me, it’s as simple as listening to music and I can find music almost anywhere.)
  • Who can I turn to for help and support?
  • What can I control at this moment? This helps you stay present and feel less anxious. Easier self care activities like deep breathing, stretching and walking are a small activity that you can control and practice quickly.
  • What can I plan to do for myself when this situation/crisis/illness is over?
  • Where am I holding tension? How can I release it?
  • Draft a quick emergency self care plan – think about what you need the most and can do easily.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When we are sick, we are often tempted to think about all the things that aren’t getting done and piling up on the list. This adds to our stress and anxiety and makes us feel like giving up. Here are some things you could add to your emergency self care plan –

  • Asking for help is a simple act of self care. Find a caregiver or someone who can help with work, child/parent care, etc. just for a little while.
  • If you’re sleeping through medication times, set a timer in your phone or other device to remind you.
  • Listen to music or watch funny movies or sitcoms.
  • Read peaceful or favorite books.
  • Meditate.
  • Make a cup of tea as often as you need one.
  • Read back over these self care posts and think of what you CAN do while you are on Pause

Remember – self care is an act of love and kindness and is especially during times when you are sick or in some type of chaotic change. Even good change can throw your routine into a place that doesn’t feel like it has room for self care. Make room for whatever you can, when you can. Self care will ebb and flow – just don’t let it recede completely.

Summer of Self Care – Day 27

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Asking for Help

What makes asking for help so difficult? Why does it take people so long to ask for help?

We’ll get to that in a moment but let me just say this.

Asking for help is Self Care – plain and simple.

When others ask you for help, you may or not be physically or emotionally able to help them. And we’ve already learned the value of saying No in that situation.

But often we are afraid to ask for help because the person or persons we are asking may say no. But when you think about it, is that a personalized response or just an admission that they do not have the capacity to help at that time?

A No only helps us to understand who cannot help at that time and guides us to another person.

Maybe asking for help seems like a weakness – an admission that we can’t do everything ourselves. But we can’t always, can we? Realistically, can we live our whole lives without the support or input or assistance from another human being?

According to Laurie Leinwand in a great blog post, you gain three things by asking for help:

  • You gain the ability to move forward.Rather than staying “stuck,” you know how to proceed. Can you remember a time you hesitated in reaching out? Chances are you felt a certain degree of stress associated with this. You weren’t being as productive as you wanted to be. You may have felt foolish in not being sure of your next step. Not believing you could ask for help might have fueled symptoms of anxiety. That is, until you asked for help and felt the relief of finding out what you needed to know.
  • You gain the opportunity to collaborate.If you’ve been tasked with something to do independently, it’s best to try to do it on your own. But if you’re stymied, seeking advice or assistance gives someone the opportunity to share with you. While not everyone is able to say “yes,” people are often honored by the request. It means you admired their expertise or abilities enough to inquire.
  • You gain the opportunity to learn.Pay attention to who is willing to help and what they are willing to do for you. Really listen to strategies being communicated to you, and take notes so you don’t have to ask the same questions twice.

When you need help, ask yourself:

  • What cues are you getting from others that they are willing to help?
  • Where are you stuck and in need of moving forward?
  • When have you helped someone else and been honored to do so? Are you willing to accept that someone else wants to have that same feeling?
  • Would asking for help create a way forward today?

Here’s a Ted Talk that I absolutely LOVE and helps to demonstrate all these things in a way I can’t explain without Ramona’s help. This story is everything I believe about human kindness, radical collaboration and the ability to move forward in extremely difficult situations. Enjoy.

Summer of Self Care – Day 26

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Retreat

Over the years, I have discovered the value of creating Retreat as a frequent self care practice.

When I use this work with clients, sometimes they think creating retreat is impossible because it involves going away and planning a bunch of activities. But retreat is just about stepping back and creating some nurturing space and time for yourself. Retreat might be a couple of hours, a half-day or an entire week.

In the past, when I have needed immediate and extreme self care, I have engaged in a half day retreat created on the fly. On one occasion, I made a pot of hot tea, pulled out some favorite magazines, lit some scented candles and put on a calming music station on Pandora. I spent a couple of hours being mindful of my breathing and surrendered to the peaceful calm retreat space I had created on my couch.

You certainly can create a more formal retreat by arranging to stay somewhere outside of your home and engage in spa treatments, a weekend of reading, hiking or eating food prepared by someone else.

Whatever works for you in the moment is what you need.

Be aware that sometimes when we get caught up in the idea of creating an away from home retreat, we put it off because other things like work and family responsibilities get in the way. In a coaching session many years ago, I vowed to my coach that I was going to go on a retreat to a favorite cabin in the woods after I moved my mom from Florida to Mississippi. Little did I realize how much was involved in acclimating her to the new space. I found myself consumed with visiting her daily, along with meetings with her care team. Before I knew it, six months had gone by and the favorite cabin in the woods was now closed permanently.

I’ve learned that creating retreat space could happen almost instantly if I changed my view of what a retreat had to include.

So here’s the bare bones basics of creating a Retreat:

  • Create intentional time for yourself completely dedicated to self care in whatever form that takes in the moment.
  • Do that by listening to the voice of your soul.

That’s it!

from Cheryl Richardson’s Self-Care Card Deck

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One of my favorite things to use for myself and my clients is a Self-Care card from a deck released by Cheryl Richardson. The Retreat card shown here is from that deck. I take a few deep breaths and pull a card for a client in a session or for myself once a week or so. Then I keep it propped up on my desk so that I am reminded of what I need to practice to achieve a greater sense of self care that week.

So today, start by thinking about what Retreat might look like for you. Pick a day or several days that you will devote to Retreat. Don’t wait too long!

Extra Credit –

You can create your own self care deck as well by thinking of those things that promote self care for you and creating a deck of cards. Or create a self care journal with lists of your favorite self care prompts and journaling entries when you need it most. You can continue to add to it as you begin to practice self care more often and add your favorites to the list.

Summer of Self Care – Day 25

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The Power of Your Words  

“It just seems impossible.” I said to my daughter recently when talking about the setbacks we’re experiencing as we navigate this DIY home improvement project. “You can do it!” she replied. “Don’t say it’s impossible!”

She’s right and I know she’s right because she learned that words have power from a few very smart people.

One of them is – Me.

I do believe that the words we hear often are the words we believe or that keep rattling around in our brain long enough that we take them in.

Years ago, I learned about an experiment involving words and water while watching a movie called What The Bleep Do We Know? I had already been studying a lot about the effect of my words on my feelings and beliefs. The work of Dr. Masaru Emoto boggled my mind. Here’s a summary of his findings when he combined water and words.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masaru_Emoto

Whether you believe in his experiment or believe the critics that say it’s ridiculous really doesn’t matter. For me, after learning about this experiment, I decided on one small way to incorporate it into my own life. And I still have a water bottle with the words “infinite gratitude” and “infinite love” written on the side. Even if those words don’t change the water, they remind me to change my thoughts and words every time I take a sip.

I also began long ago to think about the words that come into my brain and/or out of my mouth. Sounds simple, right? It’s simple, but not always easy. A lot of words come into my awareness every day. I hear them spoken by others as well on the television or in conversations online and in real life. So no, I can’t always hear, think or say loving, wonderful and kind things to and about myself or to and about others. It’s a constant process for me. And it’s harder when my stress level is high. But I still believe in the importance of choosing my thoughts and words carefully and I have experienced many times when words influenced my mood, my behaviors and my experiences with others. And I listen to my daughter and others when they remind me that my words aren’t kind or affirming – I appreciate the reminders very much. I try to remind others gently as well.

Words matter. Sometimes we speak to or about ourselves in ways that we would never speak to others.

Think about this Meme for just a second.

Be Beautiful

 

Today’s self care prompt is to create affirming words or thoughts that are kind and loving – that maybe you can repeat today and every day.

One of my favorite calming affirmations is from Louise Hay.

“All is well. Everything is working for my highest good. Out of this situation only good will come. And I am safe.” It’s written on a dry-erase board in my office. I use it during my morning yoga practice so I will begin my day saying and thinking those thoughts.

Take a few moments to think about these questions:

What words matter to you today?

What words would move you forward to where you want to be?

What words make you feel and look beautiful?

What words would make you feel loved and cared for?

What loving words do you say often to others that you could be saying to yourself?

Summer of Self Care – Day 24

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Random Act of Kindness (RAK)

Have you ever been the recipient of someone else’s kindness and been immediately uplifted? How about being the one delivering the RAK to someone else?

Kindness is something we all appreciate and sometimes we crave ways in which we can get out of our own heads and do something nice for others.

The act of delivering a kindness to someone spontaneously or anonymously – especially when we don’t know who will receive it – can be amazing.

Years ago, I participated in the Book Crossing project  where you leave a book for someone and it’s tracked via journals from around the world. Pretty complex to set up, but very fun.

My neighbor had business cards made up that say YOU MATTER. She gives them out randomly to people she thinks need them in that moment. It’s one of the things I keep in my desk and every time I see it, I think of her and the joy she brings through her messages to others.

You can leave a book, a note, a flower, a gift card for a cup of coffee or whatever suits your fancy. I also love handwritten cards left in places where someone will be sure to find them. Or pop something lovely in the mail to someone who is least expecting a RAK.

Random Acts of Kindness bless the giver as well as the receiver. It makes you feel happy, which releases endorphins and promotes self care for both of you.

Today’s prompt is to engage in a small Random Act of Kindness. Comment and let me know what your RAK turned out to be!

Summer of Self Care – Day 23

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Comfort Bag

My family sometimes laughs at me because I put together a bag of things whenever I am leaving home for the day, weekend or longer. I often over pack and take more things than I really need. When arriving to spend the day with my granddaughters, my son often teases me and asks, “how many bags did you bring today?” I often have a lunch bag, a work bag and a bag of things I wanted to have with me – a bag I call My Comfort Bag.

Sometimes my Comfort Bag includes a book, a tablet, some snacks, a coloring book or activity to do with the girls, essential oils, an ipod and a magazine. Yes, that’s more than I need for the day, but it brings me comfort to have it all with me. And I’m never sure what I will want to reach for first.

Once I recommended a Comfort Bag to a friend who was headed to a funeral. She was obviously experiencing sadness over the loss of the family member, but she was also feeling stressed at the thought of being with family she hadn’t seen and didn’t always feel comfortable around.

We came up with a list of items to include in her Comfort Bag – a journal, emails of friends who would support her, healthy snacks, a picture with her and her loved one in happier times, lavender and a soft blanket for the plane and the hotel room.

If you’re a caregiver or travel often, you may want to keep a Comfort Bag packed and always ready. If you’re stressed about something, you may want your Comfort Bag with you daily.

Today, maybe spend a few moments thinking about what you would include in your Comfort Bag and then start pulling those together or duplicating them if they are things you use every day.

The more prepared you are for self care, the more you will benefit from your effort.

Summer of Self Care – Day 22

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Accountability Day

 

We all have that unfinished project that needles at our thoughts whenever we think about it. Or that cluttered closet or bookcase we want to purge. These things that we have discussed in previous posts about tolerations or decluttering – maybe you couldn’t get to them yet and you need to schedule…

Accountability Day!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I used to host these monthly with a friend of mine who is an organizer, and it’s something I may re-start. But for today, let’s create a plan for you to have an Accountability Day right now when you need it, without any help from us. You Can Do It!

Start by identifying the project or area that needs focus. Then think about what you need to tackle it; tools, containers, supplies, chocolate. Decide how much time you have to work on this today and schedule a start time.

Then set the timer for an hour and get to work.

At the end of the hour, take a SHORT break (5 minutes or so) and check in with how it’s going and if you need anything else before you begin again. If no, start back up. If you need extra supplies, go and get them or send someone else after them. Then start back up.

You may need several accountability days to complete your project, so schedule those over the next four weeks or so.

If you need extra accountability besides the timer, find an accountability buddy and check in with him or her at the end of each hour. (Add another five or ten minutes for you to check in with each other). Encourage, support and remind each other to stick with it and get back in the game.

Getting those projects off your to-do list is going to make you feel so good! Creating an Accountability Day creates a mindful container for you to commit and complete.

Now off you go!!