Summer of Self Care – Day 21

Aesthetic Pleasures

When was the last time you went to a museum? Or bought fresh flowers for your office or bedroom?

Today, we’re going to stimulate the senses by incorporating aesthetic pleasures. You can pick one of the easier prompts from the list and schedule another for the weekend. Ready?

  • Make something using a craft technique that interests you. Don’t know how to make what you’re longing to make? Big box craft stores or online stores often have small kits to help you get started. Check out Crafternoon by Hazel and Ruby.
  • Buy fresh flowers from a local florist (or even a grocery store, though I highly recommend the florist.)
  • Run into the library and check out an art book or a book about an artist’s life.
  • Buy a magazine about something that interests you – woodworking, quilting, cooking – and decide what you will do next.
  • Go to a museum or art gallery.
  • Catch a local performance of a play or musical. If there isn’t a performance scheduled today, buy tickets for the next one that works for your schedule. In a pinch, see if you can find one streaming or for rent on demand. One of my recent favorite movies is LaLa Land. (Great music – visually stimulating!!!)
  • Go on a photography treasure walk – you can use just your iphone. Spend as much time as you want and look for interesting subjects to take photos of. If you’re really in the mood, compile them all afterward into a small scrapbook or mini book printed online or at a local store.
  • Go on a nature walk and spend time focused on plants, flowers or trees along the way.
  • Buy or borrow a book about a craft or project you’d like to begin.
  • Get a cheap set of watercolors and some watercolor paper and paint some abstract designs. (Or buy an adult coloring book with heavy pages and watercolor the designs. Here’s one of my favorites.)

If you enjoy today’s prompt, make it count by committing to a Day of Art and Beauty every month as a part of your self care plan.

Let me know in the comments what you chose – include a photo if you’re willing!

Summer of Self Care – Day 20

Knowing Your Numbers:

What is your average blood pressure each day?

How much do you weigh? And in turn, what is your BMI?

What’s your resting heart rate?

How about your fasting or daily blood sugar?

When was the last time you had your cholesterol checked?

Most importantly, are you prescribed important medication or a recommended vitamin supplement that you are forgetting to take?

Self care is health care, plain and simple. For those who are caregiving or parenting, basic personal health care is often ignored when facing all the things that need to be done for someone else. In fact, having a yearly check-up often gets put off until an acute or chronic illness results.

Or we just get busy, distracted and forget to refill a prescription, incorporate exercise or check blood sugar.

Knowing these numbers are in the normal range is important. If they are out of range, it’s important to incorporate changes in diet, exercise and medication as prescribed.

Self care reduces stress, as we have seen. However, there are times when we feel stressed or anxious because something else is going on in the body.

Sometimes we put off that check-up because we are afraid of the outcome. If that’s the case, ask yourself if the fear of learning that your numbers are high is greater than the fear of not knowing and facing a substantial medical event? Physicals and preventative tests like mammograms, colonoscopies and even eye-care exams are examples of self-care at its best. It’s better to know or to catch something early than it is to live with a chronic disease for so long that resulting complications become life changing.

The ultimate acts of self care are often those that have to do with your overall health– today’s self care plan includes:

  • Run a check of the numbers you can check yourself.
  • Schedule any appointments you know you need to take care of.
  • Evaluate areas where changes in health care are needed.
  • Follow up on any appointments you’ve had that can give you insight into your numbers or your overall health.
  • Fill those prescriptions you know you need to fill. Or pick up those vitamins by the end of the day. And while you’re at the pharmacy, pick up a daily pill box.
  • Take your pills at the same time you brush your teeth, drink your morning coffee or tea, or eat breakfast. (If twice daily is required, take the second dose at dinner or when you brush your teeth in the evening.)

If you REALLY want to make changes, start a health care journal and track your numbers, goals and changes in your overall numbers. Not only will this help you stay on track, but it will provide valuable information to your medical professionals during your visits.

Too scared? Ask a friend or family member to go with you or hold you accountable in making your appointments. Ask for help. Again, don’t let the fear of the unknown stop you from taking action.

Summer of Self Care – Day 19

Decluttering Your Mind

 

There is so much research on the benefits of meditation – in fact, there are over 3000 scientific studies that you can access here.

Meditation helps you focus and increases memory, brings you a feeling of calm and reduces blood pressure, enhances self-esteem and self-acceptance, and lessens anxiety.

So if meditation is so helpful, why aren’t all of us doing it every day?

I’m not sure. I struggle with a daily practice as well, especially when I need it the most! I think we just don’t put the things we need to be calm and centered on the same priority list as those things we need to make money, care for others or manage a household. We think it’s less important somehow to make self care a priority. Or maybe we picture a guru sitting on a meditation cushion for hours at a time and that doesn’t feel right for us. But even just five minute or less of daily meditation brings the same benefits as a much longer practice.

I have discovered I am more likely to meditate when I add it to the end of my morning yoga routine. It’s a natural fit for me and I just add about five minutes to the end of my practice. Some people feel that they are most successful when the meditate before ever getting out of bed.

What I do know is that it’s one of the best self care activities for decluttering our mind of intrusive thoughts which can generally make us feel out of sorts. But eliminating those thoughts doesn’t happen immediately. This definitely takes practice.

Let me tell you how easy this can be. You can set a reminder in your electronic calendar or on your paper planner to meditate at a certain time every day or every other day. You can just find a few quiet moments somewhere comfortable in your home and do it yourself. Or, if you want to take advantage of electronic apps, here are a few I have used:

Smiling Mind (which is also tied to a research project!)
Insight Timer
https://www.calm.com/meditate

Remember – using electronic versions of meditation tools may not mean your phone won’t ring or your text and email notifications will stop. You may have to mute or turn off a few things to make sure you have uninterrupted time.

Just want to spend a few moments taking some deep breaths? Try the My Calm Beat App, which lets you choose your breathing rate per minute and gives you a tone when it’s time to breathe in and another when it’s time to breathe out.

Commit to four days at first – what Martha Beck calls a Four Day Win. Once you’ve meditated for four days, congratulate yourself. Reward yourself with something small but significant. And then commit to another four days. And then another four and so on. After about seven of these small commitments, you’ll have an entire month of meditation practice!

After about 12 days, think about how you feel – do you notice any changes in your thought patterns, focus, memory or sense of calm?

Still having trouble? Get yourself an accountability buddy who will check in with you to make sure you completed your daily or four-day commitment.

I’m off to take five and make my morning meditation time a priority.

Summer of Self Care – Day 18

Decluttering: One Pile at a Time

Disclaimer: This is NOT my clutter. It’s a free stock photo. But it could be…

Today’s self care for the summer prompt is brought to you by someone who sometimes worries that she is a hoarder. Yep! That’s me!

After we lost everything in Hurricane Katrina, I realized I had accumulated a lot of stuff. Seeing that pile of home debris out front of our home made me feel sad and discouraged. After living without all that stuff for awhile, I felt as though most of that stuff was essentially unnecessary as well.

And almost immediately, people started replenishing household items and my creative supplies. I appreciated that greatly. And felt like I “deserved” to pick up a few things myself. Then, gradually, I started accumulating the same number of bookcases full of books. Add the death of my mom and the acquisition of the things she had kept, I began to realize I had started to accumulate more than I have room to store.

I am confronted with the realization that I have a lot of stuff. And that said piles of stuff sometimes makes me a little less than calm.

At the beginning of the year, I made a commitment to make decluttering one of my daily habits. Because it’s so important to me, I decided I needed to spend a little or a lot of time every day going through my stuff and purging what isn’t serving me any more. Or yes, what isn’t bringing me joy. I do like the philosophy of that book, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up.  I don’t take it all completely to heart, but there are parts of her process that I think are very effective.

Now you don’t have to declutter every day, but if there’s a space or a category of things you are feeling crowded by, today’s the day to take on the process of decluttering. And note that I said “process” – because it is not an event.

Decluttering takes consistent time and effort. It’s more of a self care activity than many people realize. Getting rid of clutter brings in space for things that will really serve you. However, I encourage you to be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge your feelings when you are sad about the connection you feel to a particular item. Sometimes we hold on to things that are broken, just because they were given by or belonged to someone we love and miss. Give yourself permission to take a bit of time to let go of things that are emotionally connected.

Clutter lives in your home, your car, and your office.

How many emails show up in your inbox every day that you delete without reading? Are you subscribed to things that just clutter up your inbox?

Is your sock drawer full of “holy socks?”

Are you regularly wearing all your clothes or shoes in the closet?

For me, taking on the task of laying new flooring in about half of our home, I am hyper focused on clutter. As we empty a room, I am mindful of what I can do without so I don’t have to bring the same amount back in. Even though I recently decluttered my clothes and office supplies, I am finding that a second pass through results in the decision to trim off just a little bit more.

And it feels good to release it all! You can donate stuff to a local charity or host a yard sale – both feel great!

Decluttering is an act of self care and creates space for more self care. We feel differently when we carry a lighter load.

Starting now means you will have less stuff before the holidays. Imagine how that would change the way you decorate for and celebrate the holidays? And your clutter just might be someone else’s “Christmas in July.”

Summer of Self Care – Day 17

Rhythm and Flow

What one thing can you do to create or get back into your natural rhythm or flow?

This is a self care question I ask a client when they are feeling overwhelmed.  The “What” they need to do is sometimes clear, but they are feeling like things are too out of control for them to be able to engage in normal or routine activities, leaving less time for self care. In other words, the “What” and “How” are interfering with the “Who.”

Overwhelm often happens when we are out of our normal rhythmic flow. This can happen when we have too much on our plate, when caregiving begins or ends, or when we get sick. So we find ourselves needing two extra days that we lost somehow and feel like all is falling apart.

Or maybe you’ve felt as though you haven’t had a flow and process for awhile now. New moms sometimes feel this way for 15 years. J

Self care often changes in the summer because days are longer or children are out of school. Work responsibilities may shift because colleagues are taking vacations or relocating.

The first thing to do is to take some time to think about what might be missing and what might fill that gap.

  • What are you longing for right now?
  • What do you know you need right now?
  • What can you live with and what can you live without?
  • What kind of flow or routine do you want to create?

Next, think about things you might have done in the past that made you feel grounded or centered. How did you recover from a setback or shift in routine before? Maybe routine is too strict for you, but a type of work or life flow might help you feel more like yourself.

A recent conversation with a client revealed that she knows instinctively that what she needs is to be creative. In the past, she would take time to paint or draw once a week, but she had stopped when she began taking care of her father. Another friend revealed that she missed her regular bike rides that ceased when she had an ankle injury.

My client may not be able to immediately start painting again, but with a few questions, she realized she may be able to watch painting videos on her tablet while caring for dad. Or she can buy an adult coloring book and start there while waiting for him to come out of the doctor’s office.

My friend may not be able to ride a bike for a bit longer, but she can possibly stretch or do short chair yoga routines to keep her endorphins flowing and stay more connected to a moderately active lifestyle.

Our personal rhythms and flow are often affected by a change in seasons as well. When summer comes, days are longer and we might feel like we get more done. In winter, we may sleep more and feel less productive in general. But the start of a season can often throw us off for a bit until we adjust.

Only you know your seasonal and daily rhythms.

  • Do you stay up late and sleep in? Or are you an early riser who tackles projects first thing?
  • What is your morning, after school, after work, or evening flow and how does it serve you?
  • Do you want to do something more? How could this fit into your rhythm or routine?
  • What do you need to stay calm and implement more self care when routine is disrupted?

I challenge you starting now to check in with yourself now and then to consider your natural rhythms and routines, especially thinking about what your self care needs are in the moment. These check-ins will help you create and continually modify your self care. And we’ll talk soon in another post about how to cope when challenges or crises come up and you need to shift your self care plan completely.

Knowing yourself – your “Who” and what works for you is critical in developing and maintaining strong self care habits. Being flexible when rhythms and routines change is paramount as well.

Find your true self in your rhythm and flow.

 

Summer of Self Care – Day 16

A simple life-hack 

I’m not going to write a whole lot about this video, because I want you to just take it in. I could explain how this relates to self care, but I think by now, you get it and there’s no need.

This is by far one of the most powerful self care tools I have used and shared with my clients and friends.  It’s also one of my favorite Ted Talks, because Amy not only shares the research, but she shares her own vulnerability in a profound way.

Amy Cuddy Ted Talk

“Don’t fake it till you make it. Fake it till you become it.”

This is everything.

Share and comment if you think so too.

Summer of Self Care – Day 15

Doing the Wonder Woman Turn

Amazon. Hero. Icon. This book by Robert Greenberger is terrific.

This summer’s blockbuster movie proved that Wonder Woman still has a wide appeal. She represents strength, survival and a desire to find the truths necessary to save mankind.

What if Wonder Woman could fight off the bad mojo that creeps into your life?

Have you ever had one of those days when nothing seems to be going your way? It just seems like one thing after another piles on and makes you feel like whatever you do will turn to disaster.

One of my favorite self care techniques on days like this is to turn it around by doing something we call the Wonder Woman Turn.

 

 

Here’s how this works:

  • Begin by standing in the iconic Wonder Woman pose, with your hands on your hips, and take a few deep breaths.
  • When you’re ready, turn completely around, going counter clockwise in a circle three times.
  • Then shake your arms, your head and/or your whole body a little to get rid of the bad day energies.
  • Finally, click your wrists together in front of your face, in one of the other iconic moves Wonder Woman is known for.
  • Stand in the Wonder Woman pose again with your hands on your hips and take a few deep breaths.
  • Move on with your day and notice what happens.

(There’s another theory about the Wonder Woman pose, but we will save that for an upcoming post.)

There is power in routine activities that have been known to bring us comfort or return us to a place of calm. Maybe the power of this pose carries a legacy of strength and stamina.

Even if you’re having a great day today, try the Wonder Woman turn and see what happens.

PS – If Wonder Woman interests you, here are a few other books we’ve read or have in the TBR jar that are WonderFul.

The Secret History of Wonder Woman by Jill Lepore
Wonder Woman and Philosophy: The Amazonian Mystique by Jacob M. Held
Wonder Woman: The War Years 1941 – 1945 by Roy Thomas

Summer of Self Care – Day 14

Self-care and Online Connections 

These days, there are a lot of troubling things happening all over the world. It used to be that we got news from a couple of nightly news shows, magazines or the newspaper. But now, we see news throughout various social media platforms and apps, which also provide notifications of breaking stories throughout the day.

This constant exposure to real time, shocking or upsetting information can lead to feelings of anger, frustration or fear. And these emotions can cause anxiety and increase our levels of stress.

Yet in times of stress, many of us crave connection with others. After all, it is this connection that helps us to feel loved and cared for, right?

Conversations on social media can be delightful, fun, affirming, overwhelming, time-consuming, frustrating or anxiety provoking.

Add to that a constant barrage of notifications that you have email waiting, some with the high priority symbol or a red flag, and you’ve multiplied those feelings exponentially.

How can you practice self-care by limiting or scheduling when you will consume this information?

We’ve already talked about Tech Free Days and how they can benefit your self-care routine. You may decide that you want to include Tech Free Days regularly and can find ways to manage your day-to-day activities while limiting or temporarily eliminating your social media.

It also starts with an awareness of how you’re feeling about each media source.  Does Facebook or Twitter continue to bring you joy? Or are you constantly feeling angry, helpless or hopeless? Make a list of what you consume every day and start making tick marks in the Joy or Stress column to see if the good feeling you get when participating outweighs the stressful and anxious feelings.

If you want to keep up with news, you might limit watching just before bed or first thing in the morning. This can start or end the day on an anxious note. The beauty of technologies is that you can access most of this information on demand, allowing you to decide exactly how much and when you will take it all in.

Scheduling time to check email and/or social media throughout the day can protect you from unwanted assaults or interruptions. This strategy can definitely increase your productivity – most of us who respond immediately to a notification from news or social media tend to then spend at least 10 additional minutes online after reading the article or post that brought us there. Multiply that times just 10 notifications a day and you’ve spent 100 minutes online without even intending to. If this happens during the work day, you’ve lost 100 minute of productivity. This may make you feel like you can’t get caught up, intensifying your anxiety and stress.

Setting a reminder to check email and social media three times during the work day may not work for everyone, but you can certainly give it a try.  If you check first thing in the morning, just after lunch, and again about an hour or so before the end of the work day, that keeps most people up to date. Of course, if your work requires an immediate response no matter what, this scheduling technique may not work for you. Or perhaps you can find a back-up or strategy to connect to those emergencies without being tethered to the notifications constantly.

Consider ways in which you can connect with people IRL (in real life) again. It’s interesting to me how I still sometimes resist having coffee with someone because it means I have to put on makeup, dress a certain way, leave my house and stop what I am working on for a period of time. Or we email someone rather than call them for something because it’s… what? Easier? Faster? Convenient? Avoidant?

Face to face or voice to voice connections will become a thing of the past if we let them. But truthfully, they can be beneficial to our self-care. I give and receive this experience with a lot of fellow coaches because we can become very isolated in our primarily work-at-home-alone routine. Inevitably, one of us says, “I really needed to talk to you today. This really helped me a lot.”

On the flip side, social media can, for some, be a form of self-care and connection. Reading another blogger’s take on this recently, this hit home for me. Here’s a post from Rest for Resistance on self-care for the radical social media user.

“Offline self-care works great for some people. Yet it’s harder for those of us who don’t have space to sequester ourselves at home with friends and family. Due to isolation, many of us don’t have room IRL to even believe that we deserve space in our own lives. Social media is simply a better source of hope than the outside world.

We all deserve community, and many of us find that online.”

The bottom line is that, aside from the requirements of your job, you get to decide how and when to connect with email, news and social media sources and design your self-care plan around what works best for you. Maybe for today, your act of self-care is just being more aware of how you’re feeling and what might work better for you tomorrow.

 

 

 

Summer of Self Care – Day 13

A Day to Play 

As children, summer means a few months of play! I can remember that feeling on the last day of school – the endless summer stretched in front of me. Everything seemed new and possible and free! We went to the lake, made forts on the front porch or in the yard, swam for hours and then walked uptown with towels wrapped around us as clothing to get popsicles. My father would throw meat on the grill and I would run back and forth through the resulting clouds of smoke. We would cut a giant watermelon and eat it outside all day long. Chasing fireflies at night and capturing them in a jar with holes poked in the top was a frequent game I enjoyed. And still do.

What were your favorite things to do as a child? When was the last time you spent some time doing those things?

Possibly the biggest watermelon I have ever carried. Summer 2016, Water Valley, MS. Watermelon Carnival.

As adults, we get caught up in work and summer home repairs and chaperoning our children or grandchildren to camp or play dates. We may go on a vacation, but a lot goes into preparing to leave and acclimating back to work and routine when we return. Summer often loses the spontaneity of play we experience as children.

What if practicing extreme self care gave you time to play? Maybe you can or can’t spend the day swimming or walking to get a popsicle, but there are also fun things you can do to relieve stress and invite more play into your life.

You can play a board game with a friend or with family members. Sometimes a monthly board game night is a great way to re-introduce play into our adult lives and there are many games to choose from these days. Adult coloring books are also a quick and easy way to lighten the load – they often bring a meditative, zen like experience to adults. We’ve forgotten how peaceful it can feel to color inside or outside the lines. Add watercolors or watercolor pencils and you’ve got an even more peaceful way of moving color around a page.

What about putting together a puzzle? This has the same effect as coloring – focus on putting the pieces in just the right order creates calm and a meditative state in the brain.

You could have a picnic lunch in the backyard or at the park. Ride a bike through the neighborhood.

Don’t have time to swim or coloring books/puzzles at hand? There are apps that allow you to color or put puzzle together. Yes, they are a little less satisfying to some, but they work in a pinch. If you’re looking to maintain a healthy brain, crossword puzzle books or apps are also a way of letting go of the stresses of the day and entering into a space dedicated for quiet,, fun time.

Today or one day soon, give yourself permission to play and see the effect play time has on your self care.

Board game night with friends a few summers ago. I love our faces!

Summer of Self Care – Day 11

The Power of Gratitude

Gratitude can change your life.

No kidding. A daily practice of writing down even three things you are grateful for will significantly change your life in many ways. In fact, research shows that people who regularly practice gratitude by taking time to notice and reflect upon the things they’re thankful for experience more positive emotions, feel less anxiety, respond to stress more calmly, sleep better, are more compassionate and even have stronger immune systems.

That translates to better self-care, right? It’s one of the most simple yet highly effective self-care practices.

And not only will it change your life, it changes the lives of those around you. Because just think about what would happen in your home or your office if you were sleeping better, feeling better and treating others more compassionately? And, expressing your gratitude to them and for them, helping them to create their own gratitude practice.  It has a positive, cumulative effect on everyone you spend time with.

There are a couple of easy ways to incorporate gratitude in your life each day.

  • Gratitude journaling – taking a few moments at the start or end of each day to write down 3-5 things you are grateful for.
  • A round-robin gratitude statement while making or eating dinner.
  • Reflecting on or talking about the best things that happened during the day when you get home from work or school.
  • Writing down one thing you are grateful for in a note, text or on a chalkboard where you and/or someone special in your life can see it every day.

Ready to begin or re-start a regular gratitude practice?

Figure out the best way for you to express your gratitude and begin right now as you are reading this. If you think you’ll have trouble remembering to practice gratitude statements daily, set yourself a little alarm or create a calendar event with reminder in your smart phone. Or tie it to something you do regularly every single day, like brushing your teeth or making coffee. Commit to 30 days of expressing gratitude daily and then reflect on the changes.

If you’re willing, take a few moments to come back to the blog or Facebook post and comment how this experience felt to you. Or if you’re a regular practitioner, just leave a comment about how gratitude has changed your life or the lives of those around you.

Today, I am particularly grateful for all of you who have messaged me, shared, commented, texted and otherwise expressed your happiness with these #SummerofSelfCare2017 posts. It means so much that it’s helping you. And I’m grateful to the coach who first introduced me to self care many years ago – Cheryl Richardson. Her book The Art of Extreme Self-Care is amazing and beautiful to look at too.

There are lots of ways to express gratitude.