I Have A Love/Hate Relationship With Social Media

I’ve been on Facebook for awhile. I don’t know how long. I originally balked at the idea of creating a page. (I was, however, an avid MySpace user. What ever happened to MySpace??)

My youngest daughter convinced me that it was a good idea because I would be able to see many current pictures of my kids and my granddaughter. She was a baby, so I am guessing I joined some time in 2007.

I signed up for a Twitter account in January, 2009. I only have a little over 800 followers. Clearly, I’m not consistent.

Instagram – April, 2012.

Pinterest – Lord knows when.

YouTube – Yep. I’m there too. Look at the last video. I’ve cut my hair five times since then! (I’m more active sharing books on this channel for sure. Maybe that’s where my spare time is going?)

The point is…I can’t keep up with all of this stuff and I don’t even try any more. And sometimes, it annoys the hell out of me.

I think social media brings out the best and the worst of us. Just like I believe that we generally carry a blend of the best and the worst of our parents around in our pocket. Sometimes the best qualities emerge. Sometimes, we default to those phrases, habits or behaviors that don’t represent us in a generous light.

In the past 10 or so years, I have watched social media users say things that they might never have said in a face-to-face conversation. It’s escalated to a point that makes me cringe. Hastags like #fakenews are usually inserted when someone decries a media post about one highly charged or sensitive topic or another. I’ve seen examples of the very worst of human nature and I often see more than one in a day.

So why am I still logging in to these sites and sharing/posting/liking/commenting?

Because there are more examples of things that bring me joy.
Because I want to share joy with others.
Because life is too short to criticize another person and too long not to lift someone up or encourage them along the pathway.
Because I am connected to my tribe in groups that let the rest of the ugly fall away.
Because, despite all the things I dislike about social media, there are memories captured in each place that are important to me.

Like the tweeted photo of the night I met Kristen Chenowith and she sang a song about Mississippi to us after we saw her perform in Promises Promises.

How about my first blog post ever about my daughter leaving for college on MySpace?

Photos of my son’s graduation from University of Alabama as a Paramedic.

The first glimpses at my granddaughters births shared on Facebook.

Shares of my mom crowned as Mardi Gras Queen at the assisted facility where she lived nearby.

My daughter-in-law’s growth as a mother and entrepreneur.

Special Olympics events where my oldest carried the torch and competed bravely.

Numerous dance competitions and awards won by my tiny dancer.

And the business accounts I’ve created for 4 Elements Coaching. My infrequent posts are now proof that I am busy enough that I don’t have time to blog, tweet, post and share as often as I might want to do.

So yes, I may get tired of the complaints and insults and #fakenews. And yeah, I’m pretty inconsistent. But the honest truth is I’ll probably be around for awhile. And sometimes you may find me in person and we can chat a bit IRL. Which for me is infinitely better than your comment or laughing emoji.

And maybe soon, I’ll have to hire someone or learn a complicated new batching system through sites like Hootsuite or Meet Edgar to be able to really be consistent and keep up with it all.  (Meet Edgar would be my choice just because it has a cool name!)

See ya around the Social Meeds! (cuz I’m hip like that).

 

 

She Who Hesitates Is Found

This year, I have set off with an intention to simplify my life. It was my clear desire at the start of 2011 to let go of those things that were draining my energy and making me feel cranky, guilty, inadequate or used. I leaped into a critical examination of all the things I was involved with or attached to and considered what I could let go of without too much trauma or sadness for all involved.

This process hasn’t been quick or easy, but it has created an unexpected discovery. As I let go of things and examine what isn’t really serving me wholly and completely, I find that others around me are doing the same.  The biggest lesson for me in these months of purging is that the very nature of my change creates an awareness of the changes others are making as well. Some of my friends and colleagues have let go of their stuff just as carefully and deliberately as I have let go of mine! It hasn’t always made me happy – in some cases it has made me downright angry.  But if I feel the need to simplify, I have to respect the same course of action in those I care about as well.

As a coach, I often work with clients on personal foundation issues. There are always clients who come to me seeking more work /life balance, time or energy to complete their tasks. The age old question, “How will I get all of this done?” comes up time and time again in the lives of those I work with. My own daughter, who just graduated from college with her Bachelor’s degree, has used the word “overwhelmed” more than once a week for the past semester.

So how does one go about simplifying a full and over committed life? It requires a quizzical mind and a willingness to put up with the consequences. I started by making a full inquiry and inventory of the groups, events, and efforts I spent even a little time engaged in. Then I listed them out based on whether they were perpetual or had an end date. I grouped them by Large, Average or Small in terms of the time commitment required and then gave them a “Shackles On or Shackles Off” grade. Did I feel happy when spending time and energy on this? Could I hang in there and live with it until completion? Or did I need to regroup, delegate or let go completely? I spent quiet moments considering how my breathing and posture changed when I considered a life with or without these considerations. If I burst into tears thinking about a commitment, I took that as a mandate to go deep within and let go of some aspect or the entirety of my involvement.

When I started looking at what I could let go of and get the most benefit, I was terrified about how the other people involved would feel. I understood they might be angry and resentful. I felt guilty about originally committing to something I couldn’t fulfill. But my perspective was different than theirs. I saw that staying with the project or practice would actually hurt the end result rather than make things better. If my involvement wasn’t complete and I wasn’t all in, the best solution was to stop, release, or even find some way for me or someone like me to step up and do a better job.  I had to think of my self, heal my self and intend to care more fully for my self in the future.

So what lesson did I learn from my inner sage woman? She who hesitates is found. My version of this proverb has a completely different meaning doesn’t it? I now know I cannot say yes without thinking of the larger, broader ramifications of my decision to participate or engage in something that may not fit into my life or bring me joy! Jen Louden’s tweet earlier today sums up what I’ve been feeling too – she tweets, “I am finally ready to stop doing anything that drains my energy and makes me resentful.” Isn’t that a wonderful statement for all of us to embrace?

What does an energy draining or shackles on item look like and feel like for you? Does your breath quicken? Do you feel sad, resentful, guilty, inadequate or scared? Do you want to keep feeling this way? Are you ready to release and breathe deeply again?

One of my friends recently let go of something she had been involved in for a very long time. Some of her sojourners, including myself, had strong, negative reactions to her departure. She told me she didn’t want people to be angry with her for leaving. My sage woman took over and said, “You can’t control how other people feel – you can only do what you want to do and live with what comes out of the leaving.”

But hopefully what she found, and what I have found too, is an inner peace that comes from knowing when to let go. And now I know to hesitate and consult my inner sage before walking blindly and losing myself in an overcommitted life that tips my balance. I make no apologies for not scrawling my name on the sign-up sheet, for only blogging on the occasional Tuesday, or for saying no to a request for something I can’t deliver. The result is that I get to send out more handwritten notes, create more poetry and bake for pleasure. The journey continues but the peace I’ve found so far is invaluable.