How to Get Neighbors Involved in Long-Distance Caregiving

A real treat today for me and for you. As you know, caregiver support and caregiving resources are two of my passions. And this article truly speaks to me as the community of care we were able to develop around my mother allowed her to stay in her home independently much longer than she would have without their support. Guest blogger Claire Wentz from Caring from Afar shares some helpful information about how to build that community.

 

Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

It’s hard to watch the woman or man who took care of you for so long become dependent upon you for basic care: making sure there are groceries in the house, checking for any wounds or bruising on their skin, changing the bed sheets, washing clothes, cleaning the house, managing money, and more. It’s even tougher when you live far away and you have to hope that your aged parent can still fix a meal or remember to take their medicine.

What’s more, these people don’t necessarily have to be your parents. They could be grandparents, aunts or uncles, or even older friends. In any case, if you live more than an hour away and you have been tasked with taking care of them, you are, according to the National Institute on Aging, considered to be a long-distance caregiver. And as Michael O. Schroederstates in U.S. News & World Report, the demand for caregivers is increasing as the population ages.

While you might feel you are the only one available to provide care, you actually do have allies who can help: your loved one’s neighbors. They can be your eyes and hands while you’re away,  and they might need to do a little more than simply knock on the door once a day to make sure everything’s okay. You will need to enlist them to actively help care for your loved one.

If the neighbors have lived next door or across the street from your loved one for many years, getting them to help might not be an issue. However, if you don’t know them, or if they’re new to the neighborhood, you’ll need to introduce yourself and explain what you need.  Here are some ways to set upa neighbor caregiving network.

  • Introduce Yourself and Completely Explain the Situation

If your loved one is a parent and the neighbors have known you for years, this should not be a problem. However, for newer neighbors, or if the loved one isn’t a parent, you’ll need to pay a visit and tell them about your loved one’s condition. If the neighbor agrees to help but isn’t familiar with your loved one, take the neighbor over to their house and have them meet.

Generally, try to get help from the neighbors on either side of your loved one’s house and maybe two others across the street. If there is a church in the neighborhood, speak with the pastor or church secretary. They might be able to recruit a volunteer to join your caregiver team.

  • Set Up a Meeting

Once you have your team set, hold a short meeting to discuss what is needed and which days each neighbor can check on your loved one. Prepare a list of daily tasksto perform. Ask the neighbors if they’re comfortable with performing such tasks as helping your loved one use the bathroom and cleaning up if there are any mishaps. Prepare a list of emergency numbers (your home and cell phone, the doctor’s, the pharmacy’s, each other’s, and another relative). Also, make sure they have your email address. Tell them when and how often you plan to visit. If they ever need to pay for something for your loved one, promise them you’ll reimburse them.

Don’t forget to give your allies small tokens of thanks for their help. Restaurant gift cards are always appreciated and welcomed.

  • Consider Live-In Care and Other Resources

If your loved one is in a location where there aren’t any or many close neighbors, live-in care — or even moving inwith a roommate — might be the best option. According to the Huffington Post, you can use either a home health agency or directly hirea caregiver. Other resourcesinclude companionship services, meal programs, and even organizations that provide care for those with specific diseases such as cancer or Alzheimer’s.

You put a lot of yourself into the care of your loved one, but having a network of neighborly allies can ease the burden of caregiving if you live far away.

 

 

I’m No Fool

from stagevu.com

Jiminy Cricket I\’m No Fool

It’s hard for me to believe that I turned fifty years old a few weeks ago. I didn’t come at this birthday kicking and screaming, although my forty-eight year old self definitely thought I would. Toward the beginning of the year, I felt a bit squeamish about the whole idea. But as September neared, I settled into an acceptance combined with a curiosity about how the next half of my life will play out.

You see, I am going to live to be 103 so I’ve got a lot of living left to do! As a child, one of my favorite short films became a sort of mantra to live a long and healthy life. My mentor, Jiminy Cricket, showed me ‘How to Have Fun Safely’ and live to be 103. (You can see Jiminy in this cartoon short by clicking here or on the link just under his picture.) The lessons I learned from Jiminy as a child felt very different than they do today. I have definitely refined these principles! But here are a few kernels of Jiminy’s wisdom and a look at how I have incorporated this advice today.

“You should always do things the right way.” As a child, I really embraced the rules. Like most, I was a very concrete thinker and Jiminy’s advice made perfect sense. “Only a fool does things the wrong way!” he admonished. These days, I still take this to heart, but the “right way” is the way that works for me and intuitively feels aligned with my inner wisdom. Sometimes I have to ask myself what to do or how to get somewhere several times before I’m satisfied that it’s really right for me. But in this first fifty years, I’ve learned that going against my grain means a longer path to what works and a lot more discomfort than I’d like along the way. I have to trust that I already know the right way and just do it.

Giving it a Twirl

“You should always make time for fun.” Whenever I feel overwhelmed or cross, I can usually step back and see where I let go of fun. I’m one of those people who need a lot of laughter and lightness in my life. When I get my fun back, I’m back in balance.

“You can relax your body, but your mind should always stay alert.” Jiminy meant this as a way of ensuring that his audience wouldn’t fall through ice or play in a dangerous construction site. But for me, this adage has taken on a whole new meaning – one that sometimes makes me a little crazy! My brain almost never shuts down anymore – in fact, it really only rests when I pause to meditate, and even then I can sometimes wander around a conundrum of intrusive thoughts. I have had to learn to control those thoughts and stop ruminating on those that don’t serve me well. It’s simple but not easy! These days, I try to keep my mind alert with positive thinking rather than relenting to the anxiety that used to plague me.

“Never overload a boat.” My life choices so far have taught me a valuable lesson about adding too much to my life. There was a time that I volunteered more hours than most people work in a typical week! I tried to be all for all who needed me and put myself last on the list every time. That is until I learned about the importance of self care and saying no. My wiser, fifty-year old self knows that I can’t cram too much into one day without feeling like I’ve failed, so I have simply stopped overloading myself. Years ago, white space in my calendar might have made me feel like I was unpopular or unsuccessful. Now, lots of white space means I’m leaving a lot of room to work more efficiently with less stress. I take people with me on the boat sometimes, but they can’t all come at once and they have to be able to leave the boat when I say it’s time.

“He climbs up on a wobbly peak and what happens is no joke.” One of the greatest gifts I received when I entered into coach training was the knowledge I gained around the development of a personal foundation. It is also one of the most popular reasons my clients hire me – they want to regain control and build a solid foundation on which to create a successful life and career. We all realize the dangers of moving ahead without shoring up, yet sometimes we’ve had to do it anyway. Personal foundation work includes looking at what you value, what keeps you in your integrity, how to remove those things you are tolerating and, maybe most critical, how to set strong and consistent boundaries with yourself and with others. Most of my clients worry more about their personal foundation than the numbers on their balance sheets. They feel like their work time and the time spent living is out of balance. And conversely, when attention is paid here, success begins to fall more easily and naturally into place.

So it turns out this cartoon short from my childhood has served me well into the 20th anniversary of my 30th birthday. Thanks to Jiminy, I’m going to live a happy life while I’m moving ahead toward 103. Maybe I’ll see you there. I’ll be the one wearing a top hat and tails!