Stress-Proofing Your Life

Since we are all Game Of Thrones fans in this house, we think she’s saying “Where Are My Dragons??!!

We recently experienced a life-changing event in our family. Our newest granddaughter, Adeline Rey, came into the world on May 4th. But she tried to arrive much earlier, which resulted in bed rest for mom and a team effort on the part of the family to ensure that mom and baby were cared for and all the moving pieces and parts of family life and work responsibilities carried on, as usual.

During an email conversation with a fellow coach, I was reminded of the importance of preparing for impending stress, even when that stress is a result of an incredibly joyful event.  I thought about what she said and realized it applies to your company or your work teams as much as it does for self and family.

The idea of stress-proofing is anticipating, as much as possible, what the stressors will be and how you will respond to them. So in the workplace, you might be bidding for a new contract, opening a new office or producing a new product. Extra hours may factor into the anticipation of stress, as well as taking on additional roles or responsibilities, either temporarily or permanently.  And of course, life happens and you may experience the need to stress-proof your life and business due to an accident, an addition to the family or a sudden illness that causes you to shift into caregiving mode. You feel as though, for whatever reason, you may be exhausted or anxious about change.

When we are under stress, we often find ourselves feeling as though things are out of control. Or we become more intolerant of others, realizing that things that were negligibly bothersome before now seem large and extremely annoying. Stress can cause individuals to shut down and stop communicating effectively. Add a dose of sleeplessness or exhaustion and you’ve got a recipe for angry responses, team members dropping balls or meltdowns.

Stress proofing helps you keep some of the negative responses or conversations to a minimum.  The process includes meeting with the team before the change or extra work begins and considering some of the following:

1)    What stress points can you anticipate? Can you break down each aspect of the project or process and think about what stress producing events might occur?

2)    When you think about your stressful situations in the past, what has worked well for you? What do you want to make sure you don’t bring into the plan this time?

3)    Who will handle each aspect of the project? Who will cover what and what is the absolute minimum acceptable response to the everyday, as well as the new stressful situation? What can’t be left undone and what can be divided up most effectively?

4)    How will you effectively track progress? Do lists or visual prompts help you feel more in control?

5)    What will you do during your down time to mitigate your stressful responses? Do you need to ensure you continue or add exercise? Proper hydration? Music or time for a movie or your favorite television show?  Music and laughter are very useful in creating a greater sense of calm and wellbeing.

6)    What will you do to shift your response if you find yourself moving into the role of control freak or generally becoming more intolerant of people or situations?

7)    Who else needs to know that you are moving into high gear and may not respond as quickly or calmly as usual?

8)    What supports do you need to call in? Who else besides yourself or your team members can take up some of the personal or professional slack?

Once you have an idea of what this may take and how you can implement the plan to help mitigate the stress, consider jotting down some notes about your stress-proofing plan so you don’t forget when the going gets really tough.

Also, don’t forget that your response to things during this time is coming from your perspective of things.  And your perspective may be the complete opposite of someone else’s. You are feeding yourself information about what’s happening and that information may be based in reality or based in a slightly exhausted, anxious or even panicked version of reality. Try to step away and look at things from several different lenses. Ask someone who isn’t in the middle of it all whether you are being unreasonable or coming at things from a skewed perspective. Then figure out how to get closer to a more realistic view.

Self-care needs to go into high gear when you are facing an increase in production or a change in the way you normally work. Sadly, self-care is often the first thing that we take off the plate. Don’t forego those things that calm or comfort you because you have less time. Find a space to slip those self-care activities into your day as much as possible. And if you absolutely can’t, resume them as soon as you can.  You’ll feel yourself coming back to your regular routine fairly quickly as long as you are mindful of what you need to include during the day.

I’d love to hear your ideas about stress-proofing and how you might approach the next situation in this way. A little bit of thought around stressful situations and responses will go a long way toward making you feel better and help you work through it with a greater sense of peace and purposeful action.

(PS: A couple of years ago, I stumbled on coloring books for adults and realized the claiming benefit a few moments of coloring can have on my mood. Now, they are all the rage and you can find them almost anywhere. If you haven’t given coloring a try since grade school, I highly recommend it as a stress-proofing tool!)

I’m No Fool

from stagevu.com

Jiminy Cricket I\’m No Fool

It’s hard for me to believe that I turned fifty years old a few weeks ago. I didn’t come at this birthday kicking and screaming, although my forty-eight year old self definitely thought I would. Toward the beginning of the year, I felt a bit squeamish about the whole idea. But as September neared, I settled into an acceptance combined with a curiosity about how the next half of my life will play out.

You see, I am going to live to be 103 so I’ve got a lot of living left to do! As a child, one of my favorite short films became a sort of mantra to live a long and healthy life. My mentor, Jiminy Cricket, showed me ‘How to Have Fun Safely’ and live to be 103. (You can see Jiminy in this cartoon short by clicking here or on the link just under his picture.) The lessons I learned from Jiminy as a child felt very different than they do today. I have definitely refined these principles! But here are a few kernels of Jiminy’s wisdom and a look at how I have incorporated this advice today.

“You should always do things the right way.” As a child, I really embraced the rules. Like most, I was a very concrete thinker and Jiminy’s advice made perfect sense. “Only a fool does things the wrong way!” he admonished. These days, I still take this to heart, but the “right way” is the way that works for me and intuitively feels aligned with my inner wisdom. Sometimes I have to ask myself what to do or how to get somewhere several times before I’m satisfied that it’s really right for me. But in this first fifty years, I’ve learned that going against my grain means a longer path to what works and a lot more discomfort than I’d like along the way. I have to trust that I already know the right way and just do it.

Giving it a Twirl

“You should always make time for fun.” Whenever I feel overwhelmed or cross, I can usually step back and see where I let go of fun. I’m one of those people who need a lot of laughter and lightness in my life. When I get my fun back, I’m back in balance.

“You can relax your body, but your mind should always stay alert.” Jiminy meant this as a way of ensuring that his audience wouldn’t fall through ice or play in a dangerous construction site. But for me, this adage has taken on a whole new meaning – one that sometimes makes me a little crazy! My brain almost never shuts down anymore – in fact, it really only rests when I pause to meditate, and even then I can sometimes wander around a conundrum of intrusive thoughts. I have had to learn to control those thoughts and stop ruminating on those that don’t serve me well. It’s simple but not easy! These days, I try to keep my mind alert with positive thinking rather than relenting to the anxiety that used to plague me.

“Never overload a boat.” My life choices so far have taught me a valuable lesson about adding too much to my life. There was a time that I volunteered more hours than most people work in a typical week! I tried to be all for all who needed me and put myself last on the list every time. That is until I learned about the importance of self care and saying no. My wiser, fifty-year old self knows that I can’t cram too much into one day without feeling like I’ve failed, so I have simply stopped overloading myself. Years ago, white space in my calendar might have made me feel like I was unpopular or unsuccessful. Now, lots of white space means I’m leaving a lot of room to work more efficiently with less stress. I take people with me on the boat sometimes, but they can’t all come at once and they have to be able to leave the boat when I say it’s time.

“He climbs up on a wobbly peak and what happens is no joke.” One of the greatest gifts I received when I entered into coach training was the knowledge I gained around the development of a personal foundation. It is also one of the most popular reasons my clients hire me – they want to regain control and build a solid foundation on which to create a successful life and career. We all realize the dangers of moving ahead without shoring up, yet sometimes we’ve had to do it anyway. Personal foundation work includes looking at what you value, what keeps you in your integrity, how to remove those things you are tolerating and, maybe most critical, how to set strong and consistent boundaries with yourself and with others. Most of my clients worry more about their personal foundation than the numbers on their balance sheets. They feel like their work time and the time spent living is out of balance. And conversely, when attention is paid here, success begins to fall more easily and naturally into place.

So it turns out this cartoon short from my childhood has served me well into the 20th anniversary of my 30th birthday. Thanks to Jiminy, I’m going to live a happy life while I’m moving ahead toward 103. Maybe I’ll see you there. I’ll be the one wearing a top hat and tails!

The Element of Fun

You may have noticed – I hope you noticed – that we were offline for awhile.  A series of wonderful and not so wonderful things happened and we’re back in business, thanks to Aletha McManama and the folks at GoDaddy.  I lost a few posts and learned a lot about the process of blogging and preserving blogs as well as how Twitter can provide instant customer service response.

So here we go again with a do-over of sorts. A mulligan, if you’re into the game of Golf.  

During the stressful moments of the past few weeks, I discovered things were feeling a little rushed and humorless.  I wanted things to feel fun and frivolous instead of heavy and hard. The crazy busyness of the last two months has calmed enough for me to recognize that my connection to the work has been too worky.

So I decided to hire my 3 year old granddaughter Kandyce and my 3 year old Beagle, Charlotte as consultants in my business.  These are two girls who can really draw me into the fun and make me remember to stop taking things so seriously.

Since they started, we’ve incorporated a few additional practices into my business:

  • Playing with the Talking Tom Cat App on my iPhone.
  • Regular breaks to run around the house chasing each other make us more productive.
  • There are endless ways in which to laugh and giggle.
  • We use the Whisper-ma-Phone during meetings to mix things up a little.
  • Naps are a good way to dream up new ideas.
  • Singing at the top of your lungs makes you feel free.

Is the element of fun missing in your work process? Are there eager consultants all around you who can bring more fun or creativity into your business?

For me, bringing the element of laughter or lightness back into the mix can really free up creative energy and move me forward if I’m stuck in a rut. And spending time with the people who remind me that this is what it’s all about makes me happier about the work in general.

In between naps and fun breaks, I’ve been creating a new coaching group and meeting wonderful writers and creatives in person and in my own little corner of the virtual world. I hope you’ll join us the August 31st as we look at the Element of Creativity and begin a year-long journey of reawakening your creative spirit.  Make sure you’re on my mailing list so you can be included in the announcements. Or if you can’t wait, email me and I’ll tell you all about it.

 I’m off for a little giggle before bed!