Author Archives: Laurie Johnson

Proofs of Self-Love

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Chances are if you go shopping today, you will encounter aisles filled with last minute shoppers searching for the perfect greeting card with an Mp3 song that expresses a beautiful or funny sentiment. Or maybe you’ll notice large stuffed animals with a message embroidered on a large heart carried between their furry paws. If you love chocolates, I hope you get a great big box of chewy caramels or chocolate covered peanut clusters! Pierre Reverdy said “There is no love; there are only proofs of love.” Whatever love might be felt in the heart, we use this day as a way of expressing that love to others through gifts and special treatment.

Yet many jilted lovers will spend the day trying not to cry at their desks or listening to their ‘angry break up song playlist’ on their iPod. Thanks to Adele, many of them now have anthems they can listen to over and over as they try to get over the love they’ve lost. Today, lots of people will express the belief that true love begins with self love. But do they really believe that?

As a coach, I have to say that I do. I have seen countless examples where people took the time to work on their own self-loving, self-care plan, only to come out on the other side with the surprising realization that their relationships blossomed, deepened, or shifted into a place that really began to fulfill their needs and expectations. Self love really does deepen the experience of loving another. And we don’t typically show ourselves many proofs of self love.

Here’s what I’d like you to take on today. I’d like you to agree to begin this Valentine’s Day to create a self-care plan for yourself. I’d like you to really think about one thing you could do each month to treat yourself more gently, more lovingly and with more self respect. At the end of the year, on February 14th 2013, review your year and see what you learned. Are you game?

And if you need some help along the way, that’s what I’m here for. I’ve been working on being more self-loving for awhile and I can tell you it has tremendous benefits! Even though I am lucky enough to have what Etta James called a “Sunday kind of love” with someone special, I am just as grateful that I finally know what it means to love myself and to put myself on the list just as often as I care for others.

I hope you’ll show yourself some amazing Proofs of Love today. If you do, tell me about it by posting a comment here!

My wish for you in 2012

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This is one of my favorite times of the year.  A chance for me to purge the old and welcome new possibilities exists in this somewhat magical gap between one calendar year and the next.  We incorporate many rituals in my household, including those that are familiar like eating black-eyed peas and not putting up new calendars until after midnight. We also cleanse old energy from our home by lighting a smudge stick of sage and cedar and passing it through each room of the house. We put dimes under our threshold for prosperity and we open the windows in the East just before midnight to allow fresh, creative air to pass through our home, ensuring a successful and adventurous year. If our pantry is full at midnight, we believe we won’t hunger in the near year so grocery shopping is essential if our stores are low.

As 2011 comes to a close and 2012 begins, millions of us will take at least a few moments at some point or another to reflect on our accomplishments, our challenges and our hopes for the year ahead. Resolutions and intentions abound in the minds of those who strive to change old habits or create new ones. Fears about whether those resolutions will stick surface in our thoughts as we silently wonder if this will be the year we achieve our ideal weight or pay off debt. Self deprecating thoughts sneak in unbidden, yet familiar. Whether this review is something you enjoy or dread depends largely on the process and your state of mind going into the review.

This year, I used a process created by Rosetta Thurman, the Happy Black Woman. Her Review/Preview questions were similar to the ones I usually use and allowed me to feel complete about letting go of the old and embracing the new.  I value her work and hope you’ll take a look at her blog here.

I’m not a huge fan of resolutions. I do think an intentional practice of considering what’s working and what isn’t is important. Change isn’t always easy to maintain so don’t be hard on yourself.

I do know one thing for sure – if you do what you’ve been doing, you’ll get the same results. If you’re really happy where you are, you’ll be all set and probably don’t have need for a long list of resolutions.  If you want something better in your life, change something – even something small. Often, the mere fact that you take one baby step causes a momentum that will surprise you.

In my opinion, another really important piece about this process is the ability to see that there is possibility. I’d like to share a quote that closes one of my favorite novels – Outlander by Diana Gabaldon. The characters have both been on an incredible adventure that altered the course of their lives significantly. They overcame huge obstacles and found that they were completely in love and felt incredible hope for their future together. The author closes the book with this one very simple and yet powerful thought expressed by the narrator of their story.

“And the world was all around us, new with possibility.”

May the possibilities of 2012 be more than you could ever have imagined for yourself.

I’m No Fool

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from stagevu.com

Jiminy Cricket I\’m No Fool

It’s hard for me to believe that I turned fifty years old a few weeks ago. I didn’t come at this birthday kicking and screaming, although my forty-eight year old self definitely thought I would. Toward the beginning of the year, I felt a bit squeamish about the whole idea. But as September neared, I settled into an acceptance combined with a curiosity about how the next half of my life will play out.

You see, I am going to live to be 103 so I’ve got a lot of living left to do! As a child, one of my favorite short films became a sort of mantra to live a long and healthy life. My mentor, Jiminy Cricket, showed me ‘How to Have Fun Safely’ and live to be 103. (You can see Jiminy in this cartoon short by clicking here or on the link just under his picture.) The lessons I learned from Jiminy as a child felt very different than they do today. I have definitely refined these principles! But here are a few kernels of Jiminy’s wisdom and a look at how I have incorporated this advice today.

“You should always do things the right way.” As a child, I really embraced the rules. Like most, I was a very concrete thinker and Jiminy’s advice made perfect sense. “Only a fool does things the wrong way!” he admonished. These days, I still take this to heart, but the “right way” is the way that works for me and intuitively feels aligned with my inner wisdom. Sometimes I have to ask myself what to do or how to get somewhere several times before I’m satisfied that it’s really right for me. But in this first fifty years, I’ve learned that going against my grain means a longer path to what works and a lot more discomfort than I’d like along the way. I have to trust that I already know the right way and just do it.

Giving it a Twirl

“You should always make time for fun.” Whenever I feel overwhelmed or cross, I can usually step back and see where I let go of fun. I’m one of those people who need a lot of laughter and lightness in my life. When I get my fun back, I’m back in balance.

“You can relax your body, but your mind should always stay alert.” Jiminy meant this as a way of ensuring that his audience wouldn’t fall through ice or play in a dangerous construction site. But for me, this adage has taken on a whole new meaning – one that sometimes makes me a little crazy! My brain almost never shuts down anymore – in fact, it really only rests when I pause to meditate, and even then I can sometimes wander around a conundrum of intrusive thoughts. I have had to learn to control those thoughts and stop ruminating on those that don’t serve me well. It’s simple but not easy! These days, I try to keep my mind alert with positive thinking rather than relenting to the anxiety that used to plague me.

“Never overload a boat.” My life choices so far have taught me a valuable lesson about adding too much to my life. There was a time that I volunteered more hours than most people work in a typical week! I tried to be all for all who needed me and put myself last on the list every time. That is until I learned about the importance of self care and saying no. My wiser, fifty-year old self knows that I can’t cram too much into one day without feeling like I’ve failed, so I have simply stopped overloading myself. Years ago, white space in my calendar might have made me feel like I was unpopular or unsuccessful. Now, lots of white space means I’m leaving a lot of room to work more efficiently with less stress. I take people with me on the boat sometimes, but they can’t all come at once and they have to be able to leave the boat when I say it’s time.

“He climbs up on a wobbly peak and what happens is no joke.” One of the greatest gifts I received when I entered into coach training was the knowledge I gained around the development of a personal foundation. It is also one of the most popular reasons my clients hire me – they want to regain control and build a solid foundation on which to create a successful life and career. We all realize the dangers of moving ahead without shoring up, yet sometimes we’ve had to do it anyway. Personal foundation work includes looking at what you value, what keeps you in your integrity, how to remove those things you are tolerating and, maybe most critical, how to set strong and consistent boundaries with yourself and with others. Most of my clients worry more about their personal foundation than the numbers on their balance sheets. They feel like their work time and the time spent living is out of balance. And conversely, when attention is paid here, success begins to fall more easily and naturally into place.

So it turns out this cartoon short from my childhood has served me well into the 20th anniversary of my 30th birthday. Thanks to Jiminy, I’m going to live a happy life while I’m moving ahead toward 103. Maybe I’ll see you there. I’ll be the one wearing a top hat and tails!

A Values Driven Philosophy

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I created a visual representation of my values today using www.wordle.net.  (Thanks to Meg Hoffman for leading me to this great site!) I think any time you can see something visually it helps you to incorporate it more fully into your life and work. I also use a Values Assessment as fieldwork frequently as I think it is critical in assisting me as a coach to discover what opportunities provide the most authentic meaning in a client’s life and work. In other words, how can any of us engage in a meaningful life or career if we aren’t connecting to things that are important to us?

I used my values when creating a mission and philosophy for 4 Elements Coaching and for my other business, Nonprofit Staff Success International. During the creation phase of my business foundation. I included my values in my business plan and posted them on one website.  By communicating what I value most, I assist my clients in discovering more about me as a coach and as a business owner. And, whenever I come to a personal or business decision that feels heavy, I check in with my values to see whether the opportunity aligns with one or more of them. Because I value community, for example, I may decide to partner with a fellow coach to facilitate a weekend self care retreat which  connects women to other women who share the same challenges and can support solutions. Whenever I create new training content, I am actively aligned with my desire to enlighten my clients and to assist them in discovering new and innovative information that they can apply in their work. There really isn’t any aspect of my coaching businesses that isn’t somehow connected to one of these seven themes.

Do you know what you value? How does it show up in your work and in your life? How often do you check in to see if something you want to do, or feel compelled to do, is aligned with what matters the most?

Even if you aren’t ready to hire a coach, I’d love to help you discover your values and how you can apply this information to your career or to a situation where you need more clarity or movement.

Contact me at LaurieJohnson@4elementscoaching.com or by using our contact us form here and ask for a complimentary values assessment and coaching session. Don’t you owe it to yourself to create a rich life and satisfying work that flows around the things that are an integral part of who you are?



Everyone Deserves a Chance to Fly

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This blog was posted originally on another site August 20, 2007. On May 7th, 2011, we watched as our Megan crossed the stage to receive her Bachelor of Arts degree from Queens University of Charlotte.

I’ll tell you about her four year adventure in an upcoming post. For now, join me in remembering the day we parted, and celebrating the end of a journey that came to pass so much more swiftly than we could have imagined!

Everyone Deserves a Chance to Fly

We’ve anticipated the day we’d have to leave Megan at Queens and make the long walk back to the car without her. Sometime in May, Megan and I started the grieving dance and talked about how much we would miss each other.  I’ve been planning activities that will keep me busy through the end of the year.  “I’ll have more time to scrapbook after Megan leaves,” I’ve told myself for the past several months.  “I’m going to sign up to take some online classes as I’ll have much more time after Megan leaves.”  In an effort to give myself something to look forward to this week, I saved a few magazines to read when I returned home.  I started a very long and involved novel that doesn’t contain mothers or daughters, stories about rites of passage, college campuses or poignant moments when people realize the value of familial relationships.  And when Blockbuster offered me a free trial of their new mail-order DVD program, I jumped at the chance to lose myself in a couple of movies a week so as not to notice how quiet the house would become without the Princess in the castle.  So, how’s that workin’ for me?

Despite the fact that Megan has left us little post-it notes throughout the house that say “Megan misses you,” I have done remarkably well.  If I was so inclined, I suppose I could convince myself that she’s just gone off for a few weeks to visit her dad or that Barnes and Noble has increased her hours.  Denial is a place I tend to visit often, it’s true.  But today when I signed on to MySpace, I discovered a comment left by my baby girl. I excitedly clicked on her page to send a loving, sentimental tome right back only to find that her page now says she’s a “Female, 18 years old, Charlotte, North Carolina.”  I took a sharp intake of breath and a lump formed in my throat.  “NO!” I screamed.  “She’s still my baby!  I’m not ready!”

Too late.  She’s already made many friends, played poker till dawn, crazy-danced to 80s music, eaten smores by the fire pit, and spent $300 for books.  I wouldn’t take that away from her for anything in the world.  In the midst of one very brief but emotional phone call back before the fun-filled orientation activities began, she questioned whether she would fit in at this school.  Part of me wanted to say, “Uh..no Megan.  You won’t.  We’ve made a terrible mistake leaving you there and I have turned this truck around and we’re coming back to get ya!”  But in reality, she’s right where she belongs.

Megan gazed at the statue of the Goddess Diana in the courtyard of Queens University of Charlotte for the first time when she was nine years old.  Since then, her paths, dreams, interests, our conversations, her academic performance, test scores, applications and interviews – everything has come together into a perfect synergy. The Universe has spoken – our Megan is right where she needs to be.   And true to her reputation, Diana will protect our daughter for the next four years.  Megan is in the hands of the Great Mother now.

What exciting adventures await our little one?  I can hardly wait to find out.

She Who Hesitates Is Found

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This year, I have set off with an intention to simplify my life. It was my clear desire at the start of 2011 to let go of those things that were draining my energy and making me feel cranky, guilty, inadequate or used. I leaped into a critical examination of all the things I was involved with or attached to and considered what I could let go of without too much trauma or sadness for all involved.

This process hasn’t been quick or easy, but it has created an unexpected discovery. As I let go of things and examine what isn’t really serving me wholly and completely, I find that others around me are doing the same.  The biggest lesson for me in these months of purging is that the very nature of my change creates an awareness of the changes others are making as well. Some of my friends and colleagues have let go of their stuff just as carefully and deliberately as I have let go of mine! It hasn’t always made me happy – in some cases it has made me downright angry.  But if I feel the need to simplify, I have to respect the same course of action in those I care about as well.

As a coach, I often work with clients on personal foundation issues. There are always clients who come to me seeking more work /life balance, time or energy to complete their tasks. The age old question, “How will I get all of this done?” comes up time and time again in the lives of those I work with. My own daughter, who just graduated from college with her Bachelor’s degree, has used the word “overwhelmed” more than once a week for the past semester.

So how does one go about simplifying a full and over committed life? It requires a quizzical mind and a willingness to put up with the consequences. I started by making a full inquiry and inventory of the groups, events, and efforts I spent even a little time engaged in. Then I listed them out based on whether they were perpetual or had an end date. I grouped them by Large, Average or Small in terms of the time commitment required and then gave them a “Shackles On or Shackles Off” grade. Did I feel happy when spending time and energy on this? Could I hang in there and live with it until completion? Or did I need to regroup, delegate or let go completely? I spent quiet moments considering how my breathing and posture changed when I considered a life with or without these considerations. If I burst into tears thinking about a commitment, I took that as a mandate to go deep within and let go of some aspect or the entirety of my involvement.

When I started looking at what I could let go of and get the most benefit, I was terrified about how the other people involved would feel. I understood they might be angry and resentful. I felt guilty about originally committing to something I couldn’t fulfill. But my perspective was different than theirs. I saw that staying with the project or practice would actually hurt the end result rather than make things better. If my involvement wasn’t complete and I wasn’t all in, the best solution was to stop, release, or even find some way for me or someone like me to step up and do a better job.  I had to think of my self, heal my self and intend to care more fully for my self in the future.

So what lesson did I learn from my inner sage woman? She who hesitates is found. My version of this proverb has a completely different meaning doesn’t it? I now know I cannot say yes without thinking of the larger, broader ramifications of my decision to participate or engage in something that may not fit into my life or bring me joy! Jen Louden’s tweet earlier today sums up what I’ve been feeling too – she tweets, “I am finally ready to stop doing anything that drains my energy and makes me resentful.” Isn’t that a wonderful statement for all of us to embrace?

What does an energy draining or shackles on item look like and feel like for you? Does your breath quicken? Do you feel sad, resentful, guilty, inadequate or scared? Do you want to keep feeling this way? Are you ready to release and breathe deeply again?

One of my friends recently let go of something she had been involved in for a very long time. Some of her sojourners, including myself, had strong, negative reactions to her departure. She told me she didn’t want people to be angry with her for leaving. My sage woman took over and said, “You can’t control how other people feel – you can only do what you want to do and live with what comes out of the leaving.”

But hopefully what she found, and what I have found too, is an inner peace that comes from knowing when to let go. And now I know to hesitate and consult my inner sage before walking blindly and losing myself in an overcommitted life that tips my balance. I make no apologies for not scrawling my name on the sign-up sheet, for only blogging on the occasional Tuesday, or for saying no to a request for something I can’t deliver. The result is that I get to send out more handwritten notes, create more poetry and bake for pleasure. The journey continues but the peace I’ve found so far is invaluable.

Your Personal Brand

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I think all of us are aware of the effects branding can have on business. How many of you can see the familiar ‘swish’ and think, “Just Do It”? Or hear a beguiling British accent we now attribute to a gecko selling insurance and smile? Branding has a significant impact on sales by developing an awareness, then an affinity, and then a loyalty from the consumer.

Awhile back, I was offered the chance to do a 360° assessment on my personal brand to discover what others think about me and my value as a coach, leader and team player. I had never engaged in a 360° feedback assessment before so it was a little scary.  Asking others to provide honest, anonymous feedback about you requires a certain amount of courage. There’s also the fear that they won’t think enough of you take 10 minutes out of their day to complete the survey. I pushed the ‘send’ button after much deep breathing and a commitment to learn from the experience, come what may.

Surprisingly, almost half of my candidates provided feedback, which was the first remarkable moment. Next, I discovered that they had really great things to say about me! My most common personal brand attributes were Creative, Socially-conscious, Community-oriented, Intelligent and Supportive. My brand personas were Philanthropist, Caregiver, Self-starter, Expert, Motivator and Giver. Imagine how wonderfully these words penetrated my psyche! My greatest strengths resonated along these same lines.

Then I came to the part I was dreading – the feedback on weaknesses. Short comments spoke to the fact that I overextend myself and sometimes don’t follow up. I get caught up in stress and don’t make enough time to accomplish what I would like. I don’t always trust myself to know when to say no.  Did these comments surprise me? Absolutely not. Did they make me feel bad about myself? Actually, they did just the opposite. They allowed me to see what I already instinctively knew through the eyes of the people I work with, provide service to, and collaborate with on teams, boards and projects. I understood the theory of self care and setting strong boundaries, but I saw the effects on my personal brand first hand. It gave me a lot to unpack and examine in order to improve the way I do business – and my professional persona.

Discovering my personal brand through this lens caused me to begin the process of reshaping my boundaries and dramatically simplifying my life, to really look at the ways I can provide value to others in a new and streamlined way. The process seemed a little daunting at first, but it turned out to be an invaluable experience.  And although I may not continue to engage in such a systematic way of gathering a 360° reach, I can continue to evaluate my personal brand using external feedback and so can you.

I used William Arruda’s 360° Reach assessment and I highly recommend it.  But while I think that everyone should engage in a formalized 360° assessment at some point, there are some quick and informal ways of getting to the heart of what others believe to be true about you. You can create a personal branding survey using tools like Survey Monkey or Zoomerang, which both offer a free 30 day trial and a mechanism for anonymous feedback. Or you can just create a set of questions you would like your closest friends, colleagues or loyal clients to answer for you. Discovering your role on a team or your projective attributes can really assist you in examining how you work best with others and where your challenges might lie. Looking at how you form boundaries or what value you may or may not provide is critical feedback if you perform client services. Do your clients or colleagues have a high level of trust in your abilities? Are you overextending yourself? Chances are, this information can help you understand what others unconsciously or consciously think about when working with you.

Sure, this process can be a little daunting. But it can also be a tremendously rewarding experience. You may not have a catchy slogan or a likable mascot for your business, but chances are the uniqueness of you is pretty beguiling!



The Business Basics

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I have to admit something that I’m not particularly proud of. When I discovered coaching and decided I wanted to be a coach, it never occurred to me that I would also have to become a business owner. I suppose in my excitement and passion about this new venture, I let my left brain lag a little behind on the learning curve. In fact, let’s just be honest – I’m really more of a right brain person in general! I like writing, reading, creating, and self-help.  I’m not fond of accounting, systems, analysis or research. Yet there was something compelling about owning my own business and being my own boss. Looking back, I really think there are really 10 simple, not too left brain things I benefitted from or wish I would have known when I was a new entrepreneur.  I’m going to share 5 of them with you today.

1.  There are a lot of free resources out there. www.myownbusiness.org (just found this one! ),  Women’s Business Centers, SBA workshops, Innovation Centers, and other small business organizations and websites. But take care that you don’t overload yourself with information. I’ve been on information overload for a few years now and it can actually slow you down if you’re not careful. Only take in what you can read and use within 30 days.

2.  Business books abound! The top of my list of must reads includes The E-Myth Revisited by Michael Gerber, Linchpin or anything by Seth Godin, Multiple Streams of Income by Andrea J.  Lee, Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill and Good to Great by Jim Collins. Of course, your enjoyment of these books may be lesser or greater depending on what business you are in. Think of a book you’ve enjoyed and then go  Amazon.com and see what similar books were purchased by consumers of your favorite title.

 3.  Get a coach! Okay – I know I AM a coach so I’m a little biased but I truly believe in the value of coaching for new business owners, new coaches – anyone who’s considering a small business venture. I have had a coach and will always have a coach when I need to stretch myself to reach the next level.

 4. Find a mentor. There is tremendous value in sitting at the feet of someone who has been where you are and learned a lot from the process. One of my mentors recently passed away and I still miss popping by her house just to sit and listen to whatever she felt was important to share with me.  Mentors are generous souls who want to see you succeed. They suspend competitive beliefs and really help you on the journey.

 5. Select a method for tracking, noting, recording, posting, reminding, following up or whatever you have to do to succeed. I had no earthly idea how I was going to track leads. For a long time, I just kept a stack of business cards on my desk tied up in a rubber band! I guess I thought seeing the stack would trigger a follow up but it didn’t. You don’t have to spend a lot of money on software systems or consultants who give you what works for them. Start basic and use Excel spreadsheets or Access databases until you evolve into something larger and more specific to fit your needs.

So in the spirit of limiting informational overload, I’ll leave you with these to chew on and begin to implement. Stay tuned for the next installment and be sure to reach out if you’re stuck.  Sometimes asking for help is the last thing we do when it really should be first on the list!

It’s My Turn to be Brave

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I have been thinking about bravery a lot lately as I step into a new journey that is very exciting and, at the same time, brings in a few scary moments. We are finally buying a new house in a small town we’ve loved for so long. As Katrina survivors, we postponed our desired move in order to rebuild our flooded home and regroup our priorities around family, work, and life in general. Circumstances fell into place, quickly and somewhat magically, to bring us to this new space. It feels wonderful – right! But in the dark night, lying wide awake and vulnerable, sometimes fear can creep in.

As often happens, something shows up to speak to me, teach me something, or comfort me when I need it most. A piece from one of the editors of fear.less, an online magazine, found its way into my inbox and I thought it was perfect to share with those who are in need of this message right now.

I also got a recommended read from a colleague that I plan to explore in the next few months. Debbie Ford has long coached and written about facing our shadow selves, those dark fearful parts of our psyche that keep us from moving toward the life we truly want to experience. After a quick perusal at my local bookseller, her book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, is now on my Christmas list.

So, after you read the following post from Matt at fear.less magazine, consider what you will do with your shadow self. Can you acknowledge your fear for what it is and move on? What do you need to support you as you take that first step on the path?

As always, if you need help, reach out for coaching, reassurance or just a friendly voice on the other end of the line. Together, we can step into our greatness and create the life we deserve.

And here’s the post from Matt:


WHERE’S THE IKEA MANUAL FOR…LIFE?

Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual, and most of
its components don’t either. But who really enjoys reading
them anyway?

Even if we think we’ve accepted that sometimes we must
press on without a roadmap, we still convince ourselves that
maybe we’ll get a guide instead. A mentor, someone who’s
walked our intended path before, and even if they haven’t
concretely charted it down, they can lead us to safety.

Sometimes we don’t get that either. Whether we’re starting
an experimental book or launching a new business model or
about to enter a tense and difficult conversation, we can
easily end up without the blessing of any sort of direction.
We don’t have enough information to reason our way through
comfortably, and our emotions are a mess of doubt and fear.

The apparent answer that I always get is both infuriatingly
simple, and often repeated by people who want to sell us
shoes: “Just do it.”

A lot of the apprehension from trying something new comes
from the fear of failure and ridicule – but when you attempt
something no one else around has expertise in, it’s difficult for
them to persecute you for being wrong. Failure becomes just a
valuable learning experience, not a crippling catastrophe.

And that’s only if you’re wrong. For all you know (because you
don’t know), you may enjoy a sudden flash of brilliance, like all
human beings are prone to do in times of crisis. You may be right.
You may write the next forever-quoted sentence, start the next
revolution, say the magic passwords that bring a conflict to an
unexpected and peaceful resolution.

But how will you know if you don’t just do it?

xo Matt & Ishita


Find more and subscribe at www.fearlessstories.com

Standing on the Shoulders of Greatness

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I have been mindful these days about the connection between the living and the dead. Yes, it is Halloween and this is one of my favorite holidays. I am one of those people who enjoy watching horror films in the dark, clutching my blanket in anticipation of the heart pounding scare.  I fill all available spaces with cackling witches, vampire candles and things that glow in the dark.

Ancient traditions around this holiday point to a practice of honoring our ancestors.  This time of the year marks a time for séances or other techniques to connect living souls to those departed souls who need to send a message or comfort the aggrieved. This practice frightens a lot of folks and often becomes the subject of scary soundtracks, books and films.

 But what if we took the scary out and considered the value of connecting in some way with those who have paved the way for our current success in life and work? I recently attended a leadership retreat where we opened the group event with an Ancestor’s Circle. Each participant lifted up and honored someone who had made a significant impact on their life and work.  The effect was phenomenal. A group of strangers who had barely introduced themselves become clearly and unexpectedly emotional as they described these amazing people who had believed in them, made them feel special or unique, or provided a foundational framework from which to live, work, and create community with others.

I stand on the shoulders of many amazing people who assisted me on the path I walk today.

Anna Lehmker, my grandmother, dropped everything when I spent time with her. She made me feel loved and valued as we walked through her amazing garden or played pencil games.

Roy Lehmker, my father, loved me quietly but completely as he nurtured me and gave me strength and resilience.  He rarely complained, demonstrating a work ethic that is deeply engrained in me.  He taught me how to enjoy life and love family.

Betty Spencer mentored me as I began working in the field of child advocacy and human services. A social worker who never really retired, Betty always asked, “Why aren’t we doing this?” or “How can we help this family?”

Thomas Leonard, known to most as the Father of Coaching, created a plethora of material that we all still draw from today.  His legacy lives on in many volumes of written work, two major coaching universities and many masterful coaches who were mentored by Thomas and who now mentor and instruct me. If not for Thomas, I would not have been able to build this business and engage in work that I enjoy more than anything I have ever done.

So now, I ask you to take a few moments to consider who carved a path for you in your life and work. Whose shoulders do you stand on today? And how did they help you become the person, the leader or the volunteer you have become? Max Delbruck said, “Any living cell carries with it the experience of a billion years of experimentation.” 

What a rich legacy we carry forward to generations to come!